The Trouble With This Small Town Is Your Existence
by xXKittenCraneXx
Summary: AU Loki Laufeyson is a single parent of two moving away from his problems. However trouble always seems to find him when he moves next door to Mr. Perfect. But his perfect man is already engaged Loki/Thor Thor/Jane
1. A Small Introduction

**Authors Note: This story takes place in an AU or modern day Norway, with a twist that men can have children. The parings of this story include Thor/Loki, Thor/Jane, Loki/Human!Svaðilfari, Loki/OMC**

****ooo

My name is Loki Laufeyson and I was born with an unfortunate burden; existence. Since I could walk, misfortune has followed in my footsteps. But for what it is worth, I have had my fair share of good fortunes. I am the mother of three beautiful angels. Next to a few boxes of things, they are all I have left in this World. I have decided to break away from the world I once knew and start over. As a single mother all I have is my loves and enough money to get me through to the next month. Oh my precious angel-

"MOM! I HAVE TO PEE!"

"OWW! STOP HITTING ME!"

"When will we get there?"

"I'm thirsty..."

With a quick whip of my head I turn my head at the first red light and bellow,

"Silence! We have five more minutes! I will turn this car around and we will have to live with Grandpa again!" As if by some horrible joke deemed by the god of misfortune, my eldest inherited my quick whit.

"Good. At least we will be closer to Dad." I take what I had said back about the little angels. I will be lucky if I don't drive off of the next cliff I pass.

ooo

My life wasn't always so chaotic. I was young once- I still am but behind the wrinkles and stress lines, it will never be the same. I was born into a cold political empire. My father known to the world as Laufey (but father to everyone related to him,) raised my two older brothers and I alone after my mother died, or ran away to her favorite bar in Mexico, or just decided to no longer be our mother (I'm not really sure the story always changed.) Whatever the reason, I was to blame and so at the age of four, when I could understand how to take care of myself, my isolation began. My father was too busy with his political seat to pay me attention so I learned to act out, to play pranks on the staff and torture my brothers with petty revenge. I was a god awful son but it got me the attention I craved in the form of a scolding. I never misbehaved in public, for if a camera man were to see, my life was over. As the scrawny, pale son of a tall, proud family, I never fit in with the rest of them.

Things got better as time moved on and I could attend school. Though isolated and teased by my peers I found comfort in the finest literature the towns decrepit library had to offer. I remember it smelled of stale coffee and cigarette smoke, an odd combination but relaxing. I made myself a second home there where the books became my closest friends. I no longer needed to act out for they were there to pay their regards to me. How I miss a good book. I haven't had time to read anything besides a second hand road map and papers filling for child support. Lovely. But as I digress, the books were replaced by love.

At the age of sixteen, father sealed my fate by forcing me to take up the noble sport of horseback riding. For the five weeks I spent there, I had gained a friend and by terrible miscalculation, I lost him. At sixteen and a half I was pregnant. At seventeen with a week until graduation I went into labor. After fifteen hours of agony in a dark hospital room, all by myself besides the morphine-fixed quibbling old man as my neighbor, and a rather impatient doctor, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. I did not graduate and by the time I went home, father had thrown my things on the front lawn. Within a week I had lost everything; my home, my family, my friends, and my youth.

ooo

It is an ugly house. Ugly and fucking tasteless house. My rental home definatly looked the price I put a down payment on. Like a cheap whore who let herself go through years of neglect and disease, this house was just as awful to look at as it was humiliating to be seen with. Grey paint, the color of a faded wolves mane lays cracked and peeled from the outside walls. The roof top covered in thick patches of moss, one brick red fireplace sprouting out to make it seem less like a neglected cabin in the woods. Its porch looks like the boys should stay away from it, for it could crack into thousands of pieces or swallow up little legs. The lawn was a jungle of death. Not a single blade of the long grass was any shade of green. In fact the only living thing in sight is a giant oak tree standing between the cute and trendy red house next door, and my shit rental.

I parked in the hardly used driveway and let all my aches and pains escape as the boys, Fenrir pushing and making it out first to leave the first trail in the dying grass land in years. It went up to his knees but the wild one was out on another playful adventure. Sleipnir hesitated to exit at first but when he got moving it was with a huff. He was stubborn, impatient, and rebellious, all like his dear mother but resentful of our relationship. Since he was the oldest, he had suffered the most and his attitude reflects that of a scared boy who had to grow up fast. He is the oldest and since Hels birth he has taken the responsibility of the man of the house. Cute, in a heartbreaking fashion, he doesn't want it. And I don't blame him.

Sleipnir goes exploring on his own around the place and I dash inside with a couple of boxes. Once I'm inside, it isn't as bad as the outside. In fact I am growing very fond of this place. It has a certain, what's the word I'm looking for... Yes charm. Charm indeed. With the vomit colored shag carpets in all rooms but the kitchen and lemon yellow heavily used furniture, the place looked like a time machine. The seventies were still alive and clashing two of the least eye pleasing colors was trendy. This place definatly ranks number three on my worst living experiences ever. Oh and it can only go up from here.


	2. A Demigod In Great Clothing

The amount of yellow in this house is giving me a headache. The kitchen was the worst from all the places I had checked so far. Yellow refrigerator, yellow cabinets, yellow table, yellow chairs to match the fucking yellow table, and a used yellow dishwasher. I bet if the previous owner could, he would have had the sink yellow too. What was it with the shut in and yellow? As a child I was taught that yellow was a happy color, for smiley faces and the sun. But the man who owned the place before me put a bullet in his skull right above where I'm standing now. Ironic, in a sense.

I had no need to fear the place. He obviously wasn't a person who would take someone out too. I didn't need to skim the backyard for old war landmines or bear traps set up to take off little legs or catch a few animals that wandered in at night. He went out with a blast (HA!) and left all his ugly things here for others to deal with and that's how I ended up with a yellow, ugly house. But I will give him credit, he took care of this place and I promise I will as long as I own it.

The realtor, however, was reluctant to hand over the keys once I mentioned I had two little ones. She rambled on and on about children growing up in a house where someone has died. Personally, I believe death is the most natural thing to happen in ones lifetime. It can be cruel and brutal but in its true form it honest and kind. We all go through it, some earlier than others... Back to the woman who wasn't going to hand over the papers. After her long winded rant of concern I shut her up with a simple "What they don't know won't hurt them." I recall her sputtering for a moment before handing me the documents. Oh what a fool.

ooo

Death and all this place wasn't so bad compared to the more extreme places I've called home. On the rating system of awful memories and appearances; vindene gården* was the worst of the worst. I spent several years of my life there. But that is a story I will weave another day

ooo

The second was this little Hostel I lived in right after birthing Sleipnir. It was in a dark slum part of town that took in the scourge of humanity. All the little girls deemed whores and the boys who dealt drugs or were trouble makers (or sometimes mothers of their own,) assembled under one scummy building. I fit right in and no one ever paid me any trouble nor attention. I was just another nameless teen. I remember my room mate, Sif; a girl who ran away from home to have her lovers child. We shared a little room that smelled of day old cabbage and dust and got along just fine. She would watch Sleipnir while I searched for work, eventually the old librarian recognized me from when I used to live there. She gave me an internship there where I got to work with books all day. When I could finally make money I left that nameless little Hostel after saying good bye to dear Sif. I haven't really thought about it since.

ooo

"MAAAAAAMMMMMMAAAAA!" A scream from outside and my heart is racing. I might have been wrong about the bear trap thing from earlier but now is no time to reflect on the possibilities of malicious dealings. I'm running and in a few quick strides I'm outside and searching. It was Fenrir because Sleipnir is at the porch waiting for me to show up. I peer towards the place the noise came from and see a giant shadow blocking my view. Is a mythological creature trying to steal my child?

No. No. The darkness turns and come out from the shade. He might as well be a giant because he appears to be one. A mountain of pure muscle and flesh carries a puny boy in his meaty claws. Though I can't make out his face, I know some things. He is well over six feet tall and weighs more than two-hundred and fifty pounds easily. Though despite an awful brute, he is wearing a gray suit that almost matches my house. He steps out of the shadows and my breath hitches a bit. I'm no longer scared but intrigued. He is a demigod. The kind I remember from units on Greek Gods. Tan and sculpted to perfection. His firm jaw has an evenly trimmed beard that covers a nice patch of flesh that suits him. His hair is chopped short an styled to make him look young but professional. And then there are his eyes.

His eyes are what really catch my eye. They are the purest blue I have ever seen in all of my time on this Earth. They easily attract your attention and seem to spew out kindness and dull brute force that matches his body type. But the second part is an illusion for I can sense a deeper meaning behind those eyes of his. One giant mystery (yet again no pun intended.) He is close now. Smiling a perfect white smile. Who is he? A model? A professional fighter? No. None of that seems to fit him. Now, doth the beast speaketh?

"Not the best way to meet your new neighbor but I was on my way over when I saw this little guy trip over the old tree and bloody up his knee." His voice is electrifying, deep like a cats purr but also strong like hard alcohol. It's only now that he mentions it do I see Fenrir's knee is bleeding. It's not a wound that can't be taken care of with a few bandages and mother kisses, but it did frighten him. My poor babe. He seems all too comfortable in Mr. Beasts arms though. Great, he is good with kids. Especially my kids.

"Well thank you anyways, mister...?" I scoop up my baby who clings to my neck but keeps staring with wide and curious eyes at the man before us. I can feel Sleipnir hiding behind me, poking his head out only when he knows it's safe to.

"Thor Odinson." Fitting. He extends his meaty paw which I gladly accept.

"Loki Laufeyson," I hide a shiver as he keeps holding my hand. His palms are rough from physical work and almost, how do you say it, enticing. I never want it to end. "These two are my sons, Fenrir the lad you saved and my oldest behind me is Sleipnir." Sleipnir waves and Fenrir continues to stare. I nudge him. "What do you say to Mr. Odinson?"

"Thank you." He squeaks and the handsome oaf lets out a bellow of laughter loud enough to shake the Earth. He retracts his hand to ruffle Fenrir's red fluff of hair.

"You are very welcome young Fenrir. Please call me Thor though. Mr. Odinson is my father." Oh my this son of Odin is a charmer. Handsome, dashing, good with children, upbeat, looks like he might have a well paying job, has a better looking house, and seems mentally all there. Too perfect. There has to be a catch. There always is.

"When you have settled in you are all invited over to dine with my fiance and myself." Oh. Well then... I didn't want to pursue a relationship anyways. All the good ones are in stable and loving relationships with attractive women. Damn.

"Sounds lovely. If you don't mind Thor, I have a lot to do. Thank you for saving my baby." Please just get off of my death trap porch. He slowly takes the hint and his perfect smile never falters. He puts a hand on my shoulder and gives a friendly squeeze. Are those chills running up my spine? I believe so.

"Oh yes of course. Sorry. Until we meet again, Loki."

"Please call... me.. Mister-." He stalks off to the nice car parked next door and gives us one last wave before disappearing and letting me correct him. Damn you Thor Odinson.

***rough translation: The Winds Farm***


	3. How I Received The Oafs Number

**Authors note: Thank you to everyone who have reviewed my work. This chapter is much longer than the rest. Enjoy**

After what seemed like a life sentence in cardboard box hell, I hear whispers amongst my workers that they are hungry. I guess it is time for a break anyways, at some point people need to consume food and the yellow-brown mix no longer seems pleasant to the eyes.

"Kids, lets go out tonight and check out the town. Get changed and we will head out" Fenrir almost does a back flip out of excitement and runs up the rickety stairs to his new room. Sleipnir, more apathetic follows behind him. I suppose I should change as well. Though sweat pants are natures most alluring clothing, I prefer to look a little more casual when going out. As I said before I don't want to start a relationship. So I carefully huff upstairs to the furthest room on the right.

My room was the biggest of them all. Built for two but will probably only house myself and maybe one of the boys if they have a night terror. The bed that was made to fit several bodies and covered in a probably hand made yellow quilt, there were two yellow drawers to house clothing, one giant yellow rimmed mirror and one upscale 1970's master bathroom with husband and wife sinks. It is pitiful the amount of space this room seems to hold but I will try to make good use of it.

Off go the sweats and on go the first shirt and jeans I can pull out of my suitcase. Tomorrow I will work on unpacking cloths, do something then unpack boxes. Looking up I catch my reflection for the first time in awhile. Truth be told I don't look half bad. Though I once was a vain creature, child birthing taught me a lesson in humility. Anyways, how old am I? Twenty-seven or twenty-eight? I don't recall. Dark curls sweep down my neck, that bounce on occasions. I was once told they come from my mothers side of the family. My pale skin has lines of stress dripping around my mouth and under my emerald eyes are purple shaded half moons. To be honest I haven't slept soundly in a year. I still have a tint of my youth left. When I was younger people used to ask if I were Sleipnir's older brother. _Hehe_. Oh their faces.

However when I look deeper there is a spark in my eyes. A flame, a sign of life that once passed on. It is a dawn of a new era in my life. One without the controls and over bearings that held me back in the past. The old Loki is no more. The new Loki Laufeyson is a successful mother of two, with his own place, living on his own terms, and free to be datable. It is now decided that I do what I want. I act as I please. I am no longer a child thrust into an adult world, I am an adult who knows the rules of the game. And in the end I will be the one who wins.

ooo

I have dated a few guys while raising the two hoodlums I lovingly tolerate. Nothing ever worked out either because they didn't mesh well with my children or didn't want to be tied down. It is amusing the look men my age give when you tell them you can't go home to their bachelor pad for a one night stand because you have to wake up at six and take your oldest to football practice before school.

I had tried dating women too. Who am I to decide my sexuality if I don't try both? But dating women was a disaster from the very beginning. They tend to have two reactions to my situation: confusion or disgust. Perhaps they are a little jealous that I can carry as well? Its not like I had asked for it, it is just a growing health condition. I read about it when I was with my third child, the "Male Heat" is a flu like virus that grows in a concentrated male population. About five perfect of men are affected by it. I got lucky, for when I have six I was sick for a month with a mysterious "flu" that most likely was it.

It's not like this is a giant taboo. It occurs often enough that we, as in my fellow carriers, have enough notoriety in society that we live normal lives. I have met a enough of my kind anyways. Interestingly enough, now that I really think about it, I should have dated one to see what it is like. Hmm. Actually no. Things get too complex, whose children would call who mother? Too complex to ponder at the moment.

ooo

The Cafe Torden* is small on the outside but darling and trendy on the inside. Something I wouldn't expect from a town of possibly five hundred. Cozy, I want to curl up in one of the plush chairs by the fake fire place and sleep for decades. The smell reeks of homely love, strong coffee, and freshly baked bread. The new hunger pains and the glaring hostess are what is keeping me from passing out right now. She leads us in without saying a word and sets us far away from everyone else. In a nice corner for four. Fenrir quickly claims his seat closest to the window so he can observe the shops across the street and kicks his little legs. Never losing that little boy dimpled smile. Sleipnir kindly accepts the seat by his brother and the menus.

"Who reads first?" I smile and sit down. We have a general tradition that one of us has to read the whole menu out loud to the group. If there is one really positive thing about my boys, it that they are well versed in their alphabet and excelling readers. It comes from having moments like these and a supportive librarian mother (or a raging bastard who would be damned if he let his sons turn out like their uncles!)

"I will! I will." Fen grabs his and begins his rambling of the items and prices. He is so darling. If I could bottle him up and keep him like this forever, I would.

"Mama, what is gurd-meh mean?" Fen pokes out from his menu. Before I answer, Sleipnir rolls his eyes.

"It's gourmet you idiot. The french don't say the T." Sleipnir was a smart ass. I guess like how I was growing up.

"Don't call your brother names. You should know better, he is learning."

"Dad wouldn't like it." _Sigh._

"Svaðilfari isn't here and no matter how much you wish he was, he isn't in charge right now. You can take it up with him next Saturday but until then be kind to your brother." Always about his father. Would it hurt to ever produce a child that favored their mother over Svaðilfari? One mamas boy isn't much to ask for.

And luck strike again in one day, for from the corner of my eye I see a rumbling, recognizable and suited giant. Oh of course it had to be him in the only place in town that I liked besides my house , trying to get back into my mind after box hell pushed him out. He stands next to what could only be a swooning dwarf, who seemed just about as in love with him as everyone else in this place. He was gawking and sputtering in his own language while a rather bored demigod looked for something else to do besides be besides his dwarfish fan boy. Suddenly I am no longer hungry. Oh I hope he doesn't-.

"Thor! Thor! Hey! Thoooorrrr!" Fan-fucking-tastic, Fenrir. I love you but I just might smother you one day.

"Fenrir, my boy! Sleipnir and Loki! My new friends." I don't know where he got the idea that he could call me by my first name but it needs to end.

"Mr. Odinso-."

"No mama we call him Thor. He likes it when we call him Thor." Fenrir yelps and eagerly pulls to be picked up in his strong arms again. "Thor" abides and swings him around to his childish delight and a horrid spike in my blood pressure. Not as bad as dwarf fan boy who is foaming at the mouth and looking like an artery might have popped inside him.

"Rahh! So good to see you again. Is your knee any better?"

"Yes." He beams. "Mama fixed it up and gave me a big green band aid." Definatly not going to be eating anytime soon. The sweetness is overwhelming enough that I might slip out before anyone notices that I am gone. But my mortal obligations to not leave my sons alone with an overly friendly half stranger hold me back.

"Good," His voice booms as he takes the fourth chair without even asking to join. Fen perches in his lap and plays with his suit. "I was worried for a second. Hey." His voice shifts from amused to serious. His electric eyes burns holes into the back of my skull for a moment before speaking again . "You wouldn't happen to be stalking me?"

"Why of course, Thor. Do we get to come home with you in your fancy car too?" Sleipnir smirks in his twisted little way that looks for much like his fathers.

"Only if you say please." He cracks up and again touches my shoulder with his meaty paw. He rubs slightly into the sore muscle and smiles as bright as the full moon at all of us. If I didn't know any better, I would say he wanted us to be an extension of his family.

"Why are you here, Thor? We were gonna eat. Are you here to eat?" Fen chirps while he messes with a button he finds more fascinating than stumbling upon the answer to eternal happiness itself.

"Funny thing, little one, is that I own this place. I was just inspecting everything like I do once a month and it must be my lucky day though." A business man. Ack. That doesn't taste so well going down. It doesn't fit him. Perhaps it was forced upon him? Or maybe he just likes wearing suits and dealing with people like the dwarf who has turned the deepest shade of red at this point I have ever seen on a human.

"Mr. Odinson! We are not done with the tour and I have more record I want to discuss with you!" He spits out of his average looking mouth. There is a quick flicker in those blue eyes of something dangerous, destructive.

"Those can wait. Your shift doesn't end until I say it. Now I wish to dine with my friends." He growls and his minion cringes. He briefly has a moment of disbelief before he stocks off to the kitchen. Some people and their jealousy issues.

ooo

When he mentioned dining, I expect a moderate amount of food would be brought to us. What we received was an all you can eat exclusive trip into an early grave. And with just the kindness of his oversized and possibly meat stuffed heart, he fed my growing boys and my growing curiosity. For he regaled us all in tales about himself.

So far I have gathered that he is thirty-five, looking about five years less than that. He was born into a business type family but when he was younger he was a military man (That I could believe.) He now owns a chain of "Cafe Torden's" in almost all of Norway and personally enjoys living settling down by this one. Now that he is such a successful man all he wants is children of his own (which is why he aims to steal my own,) and an unlimited supply of American Poptarts he grew fond of while visiting the States for a year. He also has a pension for coffee. He likes it black, bitter, and in constant supply. In fact he is on his third pot right now. I don't know whether to feel repulsed by him or more attracted to him?

"Loki, Loki, Loki. You were named after a God too." He fingers his third all meat sandwich. Thirty-five and living on a diet like this? Why isn't he dead? And why is his teeth still white? They must be fake or he must use bleach every night. Either way sounds unhealthy.

"Well yes. My father was obsessed with Norse Mythology as a boy. He believed that if he named his children after them, they would make us stronger." Most of the time people tend to ask if I like the American comic book version of Loki or if I'm a trickster. Lovely I know.

"Did it work?" He grumbles between bites. Though food seems to be his primary interest he never gives off an air being distracted during a conversation.

"Not really. He managed to produce two imbeciles and one functioning adult." Disgrace is more of the term he would use but that is another story. One I don't wish to share with Thor today, or really any day. I would rather listen to him talk than recall past displeasure's.

Fenrir picked his little head up from the table, his face coated in a layer of filth that all boys seem to attract but more so since he eats like everything is his last meal. He seems to eat like the Oaf sitting across from him and from the table next to ours glares, they believe they are related. At least today he had his fill on food and won't complain later. Sleipnir is more like myself; not much of an eater but will binge in situations. Today he binged.

"Sleipnir, go take your brother to clean up in the bathroom." And would you look at that. By some other worldly miracle, there is no reluctance or disobedient behavior. Not even a smart ass comment. He takes his brothers hand and walks to where the signs direct him. I'm sure it has something to do with wanting to impress Thor but at this point I don't care what the reason is.

"Thank you for everything. I barely even know you but you have been wonderful to us-." He puts a hand up to stop me and beams like he is the most humble man in the World.

"No need. It's my treat. You are my new neighbor." He clasps my now aching shoulder for the one hundredth time today. At least his hands are clean. "I like you and your children," well I like you too but I would prefer it if you retracted your meaty-coffee-guzzling hand off my bruising shoulder, "And I have been meaning to ask but is there a Mrs. Laufeyson you have been hiding?" No. No. NO. **NO**. I know all too well what he means. There is no flirtation unless his flirtation resembles a blunt but slow child. It takes all of my energy not to frown and walk out.

This is the reason I dread going out in public. Whether it's a parent-teacher conference, sporting event, or work, people always ask me the same question. And then comes the judgment when I tell them I can carry babies in my womb and managed to pump out three. Dating is a challenge but maintaining a good relationship with people you surround yourself with is a nightmare. Mr. Odinson, can you handle the truth?

"No. I am their mother. When Fenrir was yelling earlier, he was yelling for me." It clicks in his Neanderthal sized cranium and he doesn't seem to switch tables or take back the liking me comment. He is either extremely open minded or dim.

"Divorced?" He finishes up pot number three, never taking his eyes off of me. His voice sounds dangerous again, like when his little friend made a fuss.

"Never married but legally separated from the father. Kids adore him. He has them every other weekend and we take turns during holidays. It's like being divorced in some ways."

"I see. Look, if you ever need anything," Oh here comes the pity train. I don't need your pity, I don't need any money you might offer. I can handle things on my own and have been for a lot longer than you would ever know! Why is he digging into his pocket? "Even if your ex gives you any trouble, call me. I will be there as soon as I can." He hands me a white and gold laminated card with his personal information on it.

Oh

I take everything back. He checks his watch and is up in a flash.

"Tell your boys I will see them soon and like I said call me if you need me." My silvertongue fails me as I sputter and make nonsensical noises. The brain does not compute! I think he just gave me his phone number.

"Sure. Good evening." And with that, Thor Odinson disappeared from my life for the second time today

**Rough Translation: Cafe Thunder **


	4. Job Hunt

**Authors Note: This chapter is slightly on the filler side but stick with me friends. Next chapter contains smut. **

I hate to admit it but sometimes when I'm bored, I play with the card he gave me. It's almost become a nervous habit for me to trace the numbers with the tips of my fingers, to stroke his name. There was something comforting in the motion. I had already memorized it and put it on the fridge for the boys to use if they ever have any trouble while I'm not around since their father isn't close enough to reach them in the event of an emergency.

Putting it back into my worn down wallet, I checked on the boys who played out in the summer heat, passing a football to one another and generally behaving. They seemed to enjoy it here, having only been here for a few days. The house was in decent shape compared to the outside. I always discovered something new every time I searched a new place. The laundry room was nice in its off yellow-centric manner. However when I tried working it for the first time, to my delight that dryer seemed to have died from natural causes and now the sun was my friend. At least four years of farm life adjusts you to such changes. It only took me five seconds to find my old laundry line and some clips to hang up against the oak tree and a part of the fence.

Laundry was always a calming task for me. When I first learned how to wash my own cloths at seventeen it was the a lovely break from reality. It's why I never let my ex touch the laundry, he thought it was just a very womanly task for me to do. Asshole.

A sigh and up goes another shirt. I need a job. I have no degree to my name but I've worked odd jobs here and there. Librarian, Retail, and I was even a waiter for two weeks. I have a good record in public service (except for the one time this obnoxious fellow grabbed my ass while I was working and made some loud comments of what he would like me to do to him in bed. To his shock his milkshake tasted like chopped up hot pepper and stale gravy. The mess that occurred from that incident is what ended my career as a waiter.) Perhaps I could work in that sweet little cafe, but I'm sure the red dwarf would remember the man who took his precious Oaf's attention from him. But I guess on the bright side I would see oh mighty Son of Odin every so often.

Years back I always hated leaving my babe. At first it was bearable for it was only an hour or two before I would see him again. But when I received my first job and was told to show up in the morning, I felt awful. Sleipnir was only six months old but I had no choice after my small inheritance ran out. That very night I lay heart broken in my cot with him in my arms, I always let Sif had the bed for she was far along with child at that point.

My beautiful babe was my closest contact in this cruel new World and yet he had no idea how important he was. To him everything was wonderful and every day was a good day. He was the most well behaved child I had ever seen. You couldn't tell he was there except for some small movements and an occasional squawk of hunger. His silky black hair curled around his head, making him look like a real life cherub. When he woke up on occasions, his large silver eyes gazed around the room, soaking in this new place with wonder and amusement. He was as pure as pure could be and I wanted to keep him that way forever.

Some girls were eager to give up their babes for adoption but I could never do it. My attachment to him was more than an umbilical cord, he was my life line. That's why it was so hard to let go for the first eight hour shift. When I set him in Sif's steady arms I wanted him to cry or to struggle, to show that he was just as dependent upon me as I was on him. But he lay there, snuggling up to her tender breasts and I had to go.

At my first break of the day, I sat in the bathroom and cried until my break was over.

When I came home he looked up at me with his large curious eyes and groped for me to hold him. I picked him back up happily and nuzzled his little face.

"He was good but he got fussy at the end. I think he missed you." That was all I needed to ever here.

I really need a job so I don't stand around and reminisce like I have been. I put away the laundry and told the boys I was going into town. They knew the drill; stay home, don't talk to strangers, mom has his cell phone on him, Thor is a call away, so on and so forth. Walking to town took no effort, it was literally just a few blocks away and though you may think I had a car, my dearest reader it was a rental. I don't really need to travel extreme lengths anyways so it means nothing to me to walk.

Within a few adventures into "town" I had already memorized the few rows of shops downtown. On the first block there was a second hand cloths shop owned by an grumpy looking man, Thor's Cafe, a little brick insurance building, and a grand all farm produced market. Across the street was a butcher shop owned by a pair of German twins, a sweet shop that the boys begged to go into every time we passed, and a decaying police station. Up a little ways was your average town hall with upon further investigation was next to a garden fit for royalty. Someday I would have to walk there to further inspect its beauty but I was a man on a mission.

The place I really wanted was a tall brick building that stood further away along a path that led to a couple buildings like it. This one was special because it was the first and it had an elegant sign that said "The Asgardian Library. Est in 1682, refurbished in 1956." Now this was my kind of place. I like a little history, it makes things seem more interesting. The name was catchy too and it seems no matter what this town makes too many references to the tales of past people. I grew up on them and if Laufey were around he would probably shit himself with joy. However, a lovely image as that may seem, I would rather die than have my father here right now.

Up at the thick oak door with brass handles big enough to fit five Thor meaty paws, I pulled and entered into the darkness that filled the inside. It smelled of the stench of age and slowly going pages. The inside looked as neglected as it smelled, perhaps they had cut all funding or maybe no one cared but this was a crime against knowledge. From the fifty rows of tables and the spare chairs you can tell they haven't been changed since 1956. There were plenty of rows of books and even more rows on the second floor, just they seemed a bit messy. But the silence was nice, the small sounds of shuffling between book shelves and the turning of pages was like my zen.

Strolling over to a giant oak desk that had a few early 2000's computers in their arsenal. There sat a probably once attractive woman, but in her old age time has not been kind. Time had gifted her gray curls and jowls bigger than a hounds, spotted with liver spots. Hanging off of her swaying breasts and a rather charismatic pink cat sweater was a name tag that proudly states her name is "Astrid." Now Astrid either ignored that I was here or her weak minded self was too caught up in asking if she remembered to turn the stove off, to notice that I was standing before her. I couldn't take it any longer.

"Excuse me." I say loud enough to not distract the work of others. She blinks in response. Is she brain dead as well?

"How may I help you?" She croaked out, Her voice sounded as ancient and neglected as this structure. She gave me a once over before deciding that I was worth her time.

"I was looking for a job. I don't have a-."

"Have you ever worked in a library?"

"Well yes-."

"A one in Norway?"

"Yes. I worked for Jot-."

" Take these books and put them away in their proper location." She handed me a giant stack of books which would be heavy to someone my structure but I had carried around two well fed babes for years. I can handle books. "You work when I tell you to until I decide you're not needed. When you work here long enough I will let you use the computers. Study area is upstairs, kids area is first floor. You don't go downstairs without my permission and you keep things in order." And with a fleeting look she shooed me away.

Walking back to the first book shelf I could hide behind to smirk to myself.

"Flawless victory."


	5. Svaðilfari part 1

**Authors Note: I broke up this chapter into two parts because it was so long and I know the pain of reading a story forever. Rough translation: Strong Horse**

Chapter Five: Svaðilfari Part One

Working with endless amounts of books had distracted me from what was to come by the end of the week. It wasn't until the night before my first day off did I realize Friday was important. It was the day of doom, though Fenrir and Sleipnir were both ecstatic. With my work schedule they learned to play inside or come help mama on the job until four when Mr. Odinson came home. He was happy to watch them until I arrived around six to see him smiling face and two boys, one in each arm. Life wasn't so bad here but of course there is always a catch.

I stood outside in a robe I once stole from a spa. Morally it didn't matter and I never think about it. It's comfortable and I'm sure they have plenty more. Sipping my morning tea, it burned a bit but kept me awake at this ungodly hour. To be honest I haven't slept and if I had the means to I would see a doctor about it, though they might suggest a psychiatrist instead. But the morning was my therapy, the fresh scent of dew falling off blades of grass and watching the sun arise. It's comforting to know that World still functions even though you haven't for a long time.

Sitting down in a small yellow chair I found while exploring the attic, I just sat and watched the day begin on my work-in-progress porch. The boys were nestled in their rooms. They wouldn't be up for a few hours but even if they woke up late they had their things packed for a weekend of horses and farming; both they enjoyed heavily. Svaðilfari is probably awake at home and reciting his strict morning regiment. One pot of black coffee, when complete he adds three sugar cubes to make it taste better, while he prepares two pieces of toast with the finest fresh bread. He consumes it with jam but if he feels adventuresome, a cooked egg. He is probably heading out soon.

I'm not ready to see him. To fake a smile while I hand him my jewels. I'm never prepared for these days but I take them like swallowing a bitter pill. I don't sleep because every time I close my eyes, I am plagued by the lingering disease made up of his essence. And every time I see his image or see him reflected in Sleipnir's eyes, I die a little on the inside. I hate him. I hate him more than my father, than my mother, than my brothers, than any others who tortured me. I hate him more than anyone can possibly hate and yet if he opened his arms to me I would crawl back to his imperial rule. To be a farm wife. To birthing his children while the World seems to tell me this is what is right, this is my true place. I will never stop loving him and that is what kills me the most

ooo

I remember the first time I met Svaðilfari Sterkhest*; it was brought on by my Fathers wish for a cultured son. He wanted one of us to learn the art of horse back riding and he wouldn't stand for any "second-best-cheap-fruit," in his exact words. So he paid out of his own pocket to hire Norway's legendary rider. Svaðilfari was and still is the highest placing jockey in our Country. He has almost won every race he has been in since he first entered at sixteen. He has almost been too every place on this Earth and in the racing World is a record breaker. Fastest time, greatest comeback, blah, blah, it's all fine and dandy. He is retired now as a champion race horse breeder but back when I met him he rarely had time to sit down for an extravagant meal.

He lived a forty minute drive out of Oslo and by request led a three month riding class for boys ages sixteen to eighteen during the winter (mostly to keep his horses fit.) Laufey jumped at the chance to sign his expendable youngest up and bring him to our elegant town house for a meet and greet right before the class was to begin in October.

What I remember most was when he walked into my "home" in his elegant navy blue suit that clashed beautifully with his stunning gray eyes that read very little amusement. He was too tall to be a jockey and slim enough to not be held back. He had a farm boys body really; strong in the arms and legs. His skin showing was tanned from working long hours out in the sun but his hair was as white as snow. A oddity really since he was so young. His drunken mother once explained it to me at a birthday party that he was half albino and that if that "cocksucker didn't spend so much of his time outside like his inbred father he would be as pale as that whore he keeps bringing around (That whore was me by the way. I'm pretty sure she was drunk enough to not realize who she was speaking too.") What a lovely woman she was while I had the pleasure of knowing her.

But anyways Svaðilfari went out of his way to be kind to everyone that evening, even seem interested in my fathers regaling political tales. Though he seemed more interested in his pupil and was sincerely fascinated by what I had to say which truthfully wasn't much. I wasn't used to someone like him so I only spoke when I had to and when he directly asked me questions. He sat down beside me, making me even more nervous. Perhaps he would catch my stares at his hair and red lips. Maybe he could read my mind and would run out because all I was thinking was about how attractive he is. But he wasn't a mind reader and he seemed to not have noticed though through dessert he put his tanned hand on my thigh.

Sparking something between us immediately at that moment I grew fond of him. Fonder than a boy should feel for a man ten years older than himself but he was so wonderful, so charming. He was a real life prince and I desired nothing than for him to keep his hand on me forever. If the dinner had been a success or failure I didn't know but horse riding became the greatest thing to have ever happened to me.

ooo

My first day was nerve racking. I could barely keep my balance and my weak thighs ached. Svaðilfari was not a kind teacher but he was there in seconds if one of us looked like we were slipping. He had six boys to watch so it wasn't until I was bucked off by my chocolate brown mare that he came to my rescue.

An old acquaintance from school was in the class and he thought it would be hilarious to prick the mare with a needle while I was riding. "Watch the dark loser go flying." He laughed to his small growing gang. It didn't hurt my pride so much as my backside while I landed on. I was already planning on my counter strike but the horse man picked up the fiend and threw him across the muddy field.

"How dare you harm my horse! Out! Get the fuck out of my class!" he screamed at the boy who looked as though no one had ever scolded him his whole life (which was a major possibility) but shocked me the most was that this was the first time someone had defended me. The boy walked to his car dazed and that lovely man helped me up. It was a good first day.

ooo

My first week he held me back to talk and offered to drive me home. He let the boy back into his class after his mother called him over thirty times demanding why her little angel was kicked out of one of the most exclusive classes. He told her what had happened and when she protested that that wasn't him, Svaðilfari told her to have a reality check and that her son "wasn't worth my time or air he stole from better excuses of human beings that would chew off their own leg to get into one of his classes." True story. After threats to sue, he let him back in.

Though hilarious later on, at the time I was terrified of what could possibly happen on the drive (though my wild teenage thoughts always ended with my mouth on his, pulled over somewhere on the side of the road.) When he led me to his truck, a beautiful gray like his eyes and sporty but built for country work, I couldn't help but want to run. But he opened the passengers side door for me so it would be horribly rude to run at that point. I jumped into the cold leather seat that helped my aching thighs and ass. Horseback riding was hard on my learning body.

"I'm sorry how the others treat you." He grumbled as he slid into his own seat. He always sounded gruff, like if a stallion could talk I always imagined it would be his voice.

"It's okay. It happens all the time but thanks." I twiddled my thumbs while sneaking glances at him. He looked frustrated, white browns lowered and frowning. It didn't really suit him to look so cross .

"Does your father do anything about it?"

"He thinks it builds character if I fight my own battles." I have no idea why I am so honest with him. At home I'm known as the liar. I guess my fatal flaw is I can't lie to the ones I desire.

"Your brothers?" Oh no. I bring up my knees, though set them back down quickly so as not to spread the mud on my brand new riding boots onto his nice seats.

"No. They have their own issues." He grows more frustrated but not at me. I'm glad he isn't driving yet, by the grip on the steering wheel he might break it off.

"Anyone? An instructor? A friend? A lover? A neighbor?"

"N-no." I'm scared of him. Not because he seems angry at me but just angry in general. I really wanted to walk home too.

"Fuck." He mumbles and lets out a sigh. Visibly calming himself down. And as I turn to look out the window he grips my chin. Not hard but enough to control my movements as he forces me to look into his eyes. Different emotions filter past those gray eyes. Anger, concern, affection. He wets his lips as he begins to speak. "I don't know why others don't but I care. Fuck them, Loki. Fuck their opinions. I will protect you."

ooo

My first month passed by and horse riding had become my favorite sport and event of the day. I seemed to have attained a natural talent for it. My chocolate mare had finally forgiven me for the accident and let me brush her and feed her carrots, and in return she carried me for training and did what I asked without complaint. We were bonded and too be honest, I miss that mare. She was the only horse I ever liked.

The best thing was the drive home after practice. Svaðilfari was my new personal driver and my favorite one too. We would talk all the way there about everything from the weather to our most intimate thoughts. He never told me to shut up or that I was an awful creature. If ever I had something painful to talk about he would pull over as soon as he could and listen. If I cried he would wipe the tears away with strong thumbs and kiss my forehead. I loved him more than anything.

One day when my horse man was busy leading the horses into the barn, the other boys cornered me in the training ring. Their leader, the asshole who had been out to get me since Svað kicked him out. He smirked at me with a shit eating grin. I couldn't do a thing and he knew it. They out weighed me and certainly could out fight me. I just tried to prepare for the onslaught of fists and feet.

"Hey fag. Took us long enough to get you alone. Do you always suck off the teacher after class? That must be the reason he defends you so much. If you didn't put out he would think you were a fucking freak like we all do." He spat. I'd heard worse before but he didn't have to pull my friend into it.

"Are you jealous because you can't ride or are you nursing an open wound from someone not kissing your ass?" I smirked. I never go down without a few jeers.

"The fuck you just say to me. You weird fuck! You need to be put in your rightful place!" With that the boys grabbed me and held me down while their leader took the first turn beating me. It wasn't the worst I had ever received but it hurt. It hurt like hell with every blow, every taunt, every kick. I screamed but nothing came out of my throat. Where was my hero? When they had all taken a turn breaking me they left me bleeding and battered by a bale of hay, wiping their bloodied hands on their shirts and talking about what they did like they had just seen a movie. Replaying their favorite parts, while in front of me before leaving.

Svaðilfari found me twenty minutes later only because he had forgotten his riding gloves inside the riding arena. My moans in pain directed him right to me and the last thing I heard before everything went black was him scream my name.

ooo

He had moved me inside his nice sized home and bandaged me up. Nothing seemed to have been broken but it hurt fucking everywhere. I had one good eye that I could see out of while the other swelled to a horrid bruise that wouldn't leave for days which means I'm not going out in public for awhile. It's really not so bad anymore but a cool rag presses against my split lip causing it to gush again.

"My beautiful Loki. I'm so sorry." I couldn't see him so I turned until my good eye could see the handsome horse man who looked so sad. "It's my fault. This will never happen again. No one touches you but me." He brushes back a short black curl off of my forehead. This is the first time I have ever noticed the love in his eyes. He leans down and gently puts those red lips on my own.

My first love, loved me back. Despite the pain I wanted to jump and shout. To go stand of the tallest mountain and declare that I, Loki Laufeyson am in love with Svaðilfari Sterkhest who loves me back.

ooo

My second month went by faster than the first. Life was great after all the pain had healed. The group who had beat me had been ejected from the class so it was me and my boyfriend (oh god I loved that word.) I lived for practice more than I already had despite the new expectations. It was more intimate training where I learned how compete on a professional level. I trained and I trained and despite dating the instructor he was indifferent to if I were tired or needed a break.

When practice was over was when we were together; holding hands, kissing, doing couple things. He was slow and patient at first, he had after all stolen my first kiss. As time went on the once existing patients wore thin. He started to show his real desire for me, pushing my frail body against the nearest object to grind his manhood into my own. It... felt marvelous but I was jumpy. Too much of a novice to understand what he wanted me to do. I consumed smut in my early teenage years like a man having a meal after starving for years. Outside that I had no idea what to do so I pushed him away every time.

And the pressure began to build

ooo

The pain of it all was maddening. I screamed but it all caught in my throat, biting and tearing to get out. He was inside me... a-all of him was inside me and my body wasn't responding well. It feels like a sword ripping my insides and only gets worse as he thrusts harder and harder, never slowing to let me adjust. Long gone was the man I had loved in his own as he was a beast consumed by lust. He told me it would be pleasure for the both of us. He hold my father I needed extra training this weekend so he let me stay. He told me he loved me at the door but as my pants fell the real man came out. The man who was a horrible sadist, the man who loved fucking weaker people for his own amusement.

I was sobbing. Nothing felt right about this at all as he gripped my hips harder to pick up the pace. Even though I had trained for months, building muscles in my inner thighs and hips, nothing had ever prepared me for this. My knees wanted to give out from both weights I had to support

"S-stop. It hurts. Stop p-pleeease." I choked out as he nearly pulled himself out before slamming his hard cock back in, piercing deeper and deeper. Oh god... I must have bled for him because I still felt the pain but he moved faster. He got sick of my cries to stop as he grabbed a handful of raven locks and pulled with each thrust.

"My beautiful Loki. You look beautiful full of me." He pants and laps at my neck. None of this was pleasureful to me. He never touched me, he never hit the spot I had heard about caused great pleasure during sex, and he certainly didn't bother to prepare me. He took everything for himself. This wasn't love, this wasn't magical love making, this was a winner takes all.

"Loki!" He moaned like a dying animal as wetness filled my insides and he nearly ripped a good chunk of curls off of my head. He slumped against my back, thrusting slowly before pulling out and laying by my side. The emptiness burned just as much as being full. It was when I fell face first into a fluffed pillow and let my shaking body calm did I realize that he only wanted to fuck me. Even his lazy half assed kisses along my back offered no comfort.

"I love you." He says as he strokes my hair. "Rest and i'll take you home." If at any point that day he had fallen asleep, I would have slit his throat... Or not. I love him. I let him do this to me anyways.

"I love you too..."


	6. Svaðilfari part 2

I never wanted to see him again. I made excuses not to go to practice. I told my father things were canceled because of the snow and Svaðilfari I had finals to do before Christmas break. Both believed me so instead of looking forward to something I wandered Oslo by myself. It didn't matter where I ended up or what I did, walking distracted me from my thoughts. The library, my forgotten friend opened her arms to me once more and I began reading. Nothing of the adventures and romance I loved in the past but tough bloody history books about vicious dictators and brutal wars. Anything to escape.

He caught me on my daily walk to the library. The first thing I saw was a gray truck pull into the small parking lot and him exit. I thoroughly regret never attempting to run, even as he came so close I could match the color of his hair to the shaking ground beneath me.

"Loki! Damn it. I thought you might have died. Why have you been avoiding me?" He doesn't sound as angry as I imagined but he doesn't appear like he's joyous either. I couldn't look at him, specifically his eyes.

"I need my space and practice is boring." I shrug. This was never about my chocolate brown mare. "Why do you care?"

"Care? I love you. Loki, don't you dare lie to me. We made love after all." I wonder if it's because I tend to forget my jacket from time to time or the blatant lie spread from those lips that stings me so deeply.

"Love? Love? You fucked me like I was a whore and threw me aside. Fuck off."

"I did no such thing-."

"You did! You didn't stop when I asked you too! You took everything from me and you act like I laid back and fucking enjoyed it as you nearly ripped out my hair and made me bleed like I'm a god damn woman! There was nothing remotely equal in that fuck, you got what you wanted and I played to fool who trusted you." I fight back tears. God damn him I would make sure I never cried in front of him again if I had to. I try pushing away from him only to have my wrist caught by steady hands and dragged into him. This time he really will hit me, I know it.

"Look at me."

"No! Let me go you bastard!" I flail and try to push him away. He only brings me into a tight hug.

"Please." He sounds weak and that's what gets to me. I look up to see his gray eyes are filled with sorrow, either for what he did or what I have told him. It breaks my heart into pieces.

"I'm sorry. I can do better. I promise." His embrace is crushing but I finally calm. I allow myself to sink back into love. I readily accept him. Anything is better than home anyways.

ooo

The second time we were intimate I initiated the act while we checked the weather report on his couch. I let my hands wander over his farm boy body, feeling the bulge of muscle of his thighs from horse back riding, as I whispered the deadly words,

"I want you." He accepts it as a challenge to do better. Laying me back onto the couch he feels me, taste my lips and feeds my hunger for him. My cloths are off before I can register his next action. He took me in his hand for the first time, stroking with rough calloused hands. Oh it feels wonderful even as he moved down and started to run his tongue along the head. I blushed and leaned back, never daring to look and see what he was doing to me.

The warmth is enough to get me to full length as he engulfs the top in his mouth. Not many people can say that they've been sucked off by the great Norwegian jockey. The feeling was better than the worlds most delicious foods and most extravagant adventures. His tongue and hands working in unison to unravel what little sanity I hold onto. It's only a matter of time before he pulls away and nibbles on my inner thighs.

"Nnn Svað." I pant. "W-why did you stop?" He chuckles and sits up, his gray eyes are lined with black, the kind that signifies lust.

"You taste just as sweet as I imagined my love but I would rather pleasure you in another way." Without warning he picks me up into his arms and carries me to his bedroom and places me down on his bed while he strips off his worn jeans, showing off the bulge in his boxers. I remember how big he is and shutter.

"Grab a pillow. You said you had no pleasure last time." He speaks as he searches a giant drawer. His room is plain like the rest of his house but it does suit him. The pillows match the color of the sheets which match the color of the walls. The one I cling to is taken as soon as he comes back with a small bottle of oil.

"You have a rather cute ass but you're small," he lifts me with ease and puts the pillow under my back, raising my hips. "But this should help." I watch him lube up two thick fingers before pressing one against my tender hole. He rubs the muscle ring around it before entering slowly. I can handle the burn because he allows me to adjust to the invasion. The second one in is more pleasureful as he moves slowly while stretching me out. He curls his fingers against something and all I see is stars.

"Ohhh!" Blood rushes to my cock once more as he brushes against the spot more.

"Found it. Sorry it took me so long."

"Shut up and do it again."

ooo

I don't remember when I first got sick early in the morning but one morning I woke to my stomach churning with heat. The taste of bile built up in the back of my throat until I knew I was passed the point of an upset stomach. I dashed to the bathroom and proceeded to worship the porcelain god until he had accepted all my insides had to offer.

I thought it was the flu for the longest time. As I child I was prone to sickness, especially during the winter months. I thought it would pass over time and I ignored it. I had practice five times a week and love making to accomplish at least twice in week. I wasn't truly sick with anything that held me back, it was just the morning and early afternoons that left me feeling ill. But as time had passed and Christmas arrived, Laufey's gift to me that year was hiring a doctor to look me over. Not the best gift but at least it had come from the heart (one year I received socks and an expired gift card.)

The doctor was an older gentlemen who didn't mind making a house call on this holy holiday. He asked generic questions and poked and prodded until he had collected enough samples to determine every intimate detail of how my body functioned. He left with a piece of fruit cake and empty worded reassurance that I would be just fine.

ooo

It didn't get any better and as the doctor took his sweet time to analyze the results I became an emotional wreck. Svaðilfari told me it was just an average length of time to get any form of test results. All the while we fucked like the World was about to end. I was happy he called when I was home alone about two weeks after Christmas.

"Mr. Laufeyson. I have some unfortunate news. I'm not sure if I should tell you if your father isn't around..." My first thought was cancer. Cancer ran on my uncles side since he died from it so I had a risk factor.

"What is it? My father won't be home for a few hours. Please just tell me." I tried to act calm, like the adult I had beaten into my behavior.

"Mr. Laufeyson, I'm afraid you with child."

"What?" Did my brothers put him up to this because it's not fucking funny.

"Have you been in sexual contact with another male in the last few months?" He sounded just as uncomfortable with the situation as I was.

"Y-yes. A couple times."

"Did you use any form of protection?" He took my silence as a no. He proceeded to tell me almost everything I know about my condition and that he was there to help in everything but an abortion.

"Can't I just take a pill or something to not be pregnant anymore?" I squeaked. At the time the morning after pill was popular and did not have the horrible side effects we now know it has today. I had seen my older brothers buy it for the whores they kept around when Laufey was away.

"No. It's not that simple. You can't abort the child. We're not sure medically what that could do to the male body. I'm sorry, Mr. Laufeyson. If you need any pamphlets on adoption or want me to explain thing-." I hung up on him before I broke the phone.

ooo

Svaðilfari came into town that day after I destroyed the house. I'm sure he was expecting many things that day but what he got was a half clothed, bleeding boy. I must have looked awful because he picked me up into one of his famous hugs.

"What's wrong, my mare?" I didn't know how to tell him -hey I know we've only been dating for two months but do you want to raise a kid? I promise to carry it if you don't run when I tell you!- I literally gagged on my words as the recent wave of morning sickness hit me and I pushed him away only to vomit all over his boots.

"Fuck. Shit! I'm sorry. So sorry. I-i'm so fucking sorry." I broke down over painting his shoes off pink and gray, over being stuck birthing a child I didn't want, over my fucked future. I had fucked up. I had officially fucked everything in my life up past fixing.

"It's fine. You know I have other pairs." He attempts to laugh it off while using the snow to clean. I started to cry like a baby after all I was only a baby. Tears flowing down my face, nose watering, and hiccups interrupting pathetic sobs from my sour mouth.

"I-I'm pregnant." His attention shifts from his ruined boots to my face. He looks terrified. "I-I got a call from the d-doctor and h-he said t-there's this illness w-where guys can h-have children and I have it. S-since you didn't put a condom on, I-I'm pregn-." He slapped me with the back of his hand. The man I had forgiven had committed an unforgivable crime but at the time I just fell back and covered my cheek.

"How fucking dare you suggest that this is my fault! Get rid of it and then talk to me." He hissed, looking like the stallion he is, ready to charge.

"I-I can't! Please. I'm scared too. Sv-."

"I said get rid of it. Get rid of that monster and then come crawling back to me." He went back to his silver truck, opening the cab door and hoping in before taking off. I should have never let him touch me now my life was eternally ruined. I was glad I puked on his boots but that wasn't a rightful pain to inflict upon him. From that moment on I knew where his heart really was at the time and I regretted being the victim.

ooo

"Morning Mama." Little Fenrir greets me all dressed and ready to go with his red overnight bag that matches the color of his spiky little hair. "Are you okay?" Concern riddles his cherub face.

"Yes. I'm just missing my baby already. Good morning my little wolf." I kiss his nose as he scrunches up his face.

"I'm not a baby." He hugs his little arms with lingering bits of baby fat around my neck. I guess I was lost in a memory. It tends to happen like post traumatic stress disorder, his visits trigger flash backs.

Sleipnir comes down unannounced but ready in his farm cloths and his green bag. He likes to slick his hair back like how I had it when he was younger, a little bit of gel to keep it out of his eyes. He paces eagerly while staring out at the empty street for any signs of movement. Like I have mentioned he adores his father, the man who originally rejected him more than anything. I don't think I could ever be so heartless to tell him Svaðilfari's orders.

"Did you both brush your teeth?" Mother mode kicking in.

"Yes, Mama." Comes the unanimous reply. Honestly when there is no one around, I get lonely. Even when I bitch and moan about my children I am the loneliest man in the World without them.

"Sleipnir may I get a hug? I won't see you all weekend." I whine playfully and with the most pained expression he tears himself from playing scout to hug me for half a second. When he lets go his attention is drawn to a truck carefully driving down our street. It's his for sure. I can tell by the design, it is the same as his silver that broke down years ago. This one is a color that oddly enough resembles the emerald color of my eyes. He pulls into the newly cleaned driveway and parks before the onslaught of children come running to him.

"Daddy!" Fen runs and tackles the man stepping out of the cab. He has defiantly changed since the tight ass star jockey into a tight ass loving father and breeder. He looks more tired every time I see him, purple lines his silver eyes. He grabs a hold of little Fen and covers him in kisses. Though not as nimble as Thor Odinson, he manages to make the boy just as happy. Speaking of the beast next door I catch a glimpse of him from his own porch in a fine black suit but looking dangerously close to attacking my ex. Interesting.

"Fenrir my son." Sleipnir attaches himself to his leg. "And Sleipnir. I missed you." The boys babble excitedly to him about the new house and their new friends. They gush over him while I work up the nerve to stand. My legs don't want to work from a few hours of inactivity but I manage to stumble over with forgotten items like a new born foal learning to walk.

"Trip go well?" I inquire, seemingly uninterested in what ever he might have to say. It's just mindless chit-chat anyways. He's here to take the kids and come back on Sunday with them unharmed. He looks up at me with his eyes. He looks like a broken man still but healing.

"You live pretty far, my dear. I like the house. It suits you." He smiles and leans in to kiss my forehead. I read don't fucking touch me but he was never good at reading me anyways.

"Thanks. Have them home by eight on Sunday. They know my new number if you need it and they have my cell phone. I don't want them around your beasts all weekend." It's short and straight to a point because I can't handle being around him for long. Holidays are the worst and any form of meeting is just a painful reminder of my poor choices.

"Sounds good. Boys say good bye to your mother." He puts Fen down and Sleipnir releases his grip around his waist. And they both rush to their seats in the cab of the truck.

"Bye."

"Bye Mama. I love you."

"Love you both. Be good and safe." I make a fruitless effort to tell them again before they once again disappear from my life. Svaðilfari simply nods as a gesture of good bye as he checks the boys to see if they're buckled up before taking off. I watch them drive off into the distance and feel the loneliness creep in again.

"That guy is an asshole." A booming voice pokes holes through my thoughts. Thor is standing by his car, half broken coffee cup in his hand. He still looks defensive but calmed to a significant degree.

"He is but we share kids, it's my fault really." Thor snorts with amusement.

"Look if you're not doing anything tonight, Jane and I would love some company." Ohhh. How about cutting out the middle man and make it you and me, Mr. Odinson?

"Sounds lovely." Oh I won't regret this decision later on.

"Eight is when we usually eat but please come over earlier. It will just be me after four."

"I will be there around seven." Though four is a tempting offer. Despite my hatred for adult dinner parties, I'm very willing to sign my soul over to the devil just to get a glimpse of what perfects home is like. Loneliness, thy killer is Thor Odinson.


	7. Abandon Ship

**Authors Note: So sorry for the delay. I've been busy and had to rewrite where I was going with this chapter. Anyways enjoy. **

If I was expecting anything about this evening or what Thor's house may have looked on the inside, it certainly wasn't this. I stand now face to face with several medieval weaponry mounted on a strong stone fire place or on the rusted red walls. I know a few from books and old classes. In no particular order there is a long spear for throwing into the guts of your enemies from a distance, a wooden cross bow for Robin Hood situations (tights and skirt have yet to be located,) a mace for bashing brains in, a long sword for cutting your enemy down and playing medieval role playing games, and.. no way... is that... yeah that is an exact replica of Mjolnir. Oh fuck. I can't take it any longer.

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _

"What's so funny in there?" The now deemed God of Thunder calls from the stylish kitchen. I wipe tears from my eyes and try to calm.

"Doth the lord collect-eth weapons?" He comes out all smiles and a tad bit of hair, two wine glasses in meaty palms. He is casual, so casual his shirt is almost all the way undone. Oh my, he waxes. Lovely.

"Aye, my lord," He pauses, "Wait. Are you saying you don't as well?"

"I can't say I've ever felt the urge to."

"It's a shame. We could have collected together. It's become an addiction." Well obviously from the lack of anything else in the room besides a stylish couch, matching chairs, a coffee table and some military photos. Maybe lady Jane doesn't exist and this is his eternal home or she just doesn't care that her home looks like a partial museum.

"Oh I'm sure it's one giant slippery slope; one day you're buying a lance online the next you're in homemade armor fighting off hordes of policemen in the name of Christianity." He roars with enough amusement to shake the foundation of the house.

"That's just an average weekend for me. Come sit." He pulls me onto the couch and puts a glass in my hand before I can protest. I glance at the wine. No, no, no. This will not do. Alcohol and I go way back and we're not good friends.

"I don't drink. Sorry." I put the glass on a coaster. Thor looks a bit embarrassed, though he didn't know I'm a light weight. I only protest because I care. I make awful decisions when alcohol and I meet up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's fine. Now tell me, you have the Robin Hood gear, where is the outfit?"

"No. Though I'm sure Jane has tights laying around somewhere. I started collecting as a teenager. On my thirteenth birthday my father gave me a copy of Mjolnir and I quickly fell in love with collecting. If Jane doesn't take away my card when business is slow, I'd use all of our funds to buy more from online stores."

"Oh mighty God of Thunder, you have some strange addictions." I chuckle. It's nice that he takes my teasing lightheartedly.

"I suppose so. I bet you, oh mighty mischief maker, have some strange addictions." Oh well this one is tough. My children? No just normal. Books? Too healthy. Chaos? It depends on the persons view but I thrive on Chaos.

"None. No shrunken heads, no collection of garden gnomes stolen from yards. I don't have anything interesting. No strange addictions, no collections, and certainly no weapons to impale my neighbors with." He doesn't seem disappointed in my answer though he swirls and drinks his wine.

"Loki Laufeyson, Mother of two, small town librarians assistant, has an asshole of an ex, and has nothing interesting about him?" Well when you put it that way I suppose I do. Even without the alcohol I find myself wanting to tell him my deepest of secrets.

"I've lived a strange life so far. I became pregnant at sixteen, I may look older than I am but I'm not even thirty. I gave birth at seventeen and told myself I would never spend fifteen hours of my life pushing out another screaming babe. Yet five years later I ended up pregnant again." I pause to see where I want to go from here, if he can be trusted. He is around my children more than I allow most people so I suppose he should know more about me. Thor seems serious. He has a way of looking serious; frowning pink lips, clenched jaw, lightening in his blue eyes. He looks intense but I know it's not directed at me, oh no, god save my enemies. It irks me that he cares so much and yet knows so little.

"Why did you do it?" He asks.

"Loneliness mostly. Alcohol in my system also helped. Not with Sleipnir, though he wasn't planned, he was created half willingly. I had my mind the whole time. Fenrir was... a lovely surprise."

"Loki... No one ever-."

"I'm home!" Comes a voice I can only describe as angelic. By some sick holier intervention or good luck on my part to end my divulging of information to a man I can only judge by minor meetings, His fiance "Jane" arrives. Now if I was expecting anything again tonight I surely wasn't expecting her. I had only seen very small portion of her in the last few weeks, mostly her backside with was ninety percent hair, ten percent ass walking away from her sketchy white van late at night. Otherwise she has never been seen nor heard by the Laufeyson's.

Her full image is like a kick the the stomach. Her hair is long, brunette and straight, perfectly straight, that flows down her back and frames her thin face. She has the face of a model; perfectly plucked eyebrows, pink lips that look of so kissable, a Monroe beauty mark to add timeless beauty, a sharp nose, and amber eyes. She didn't need to wear makeup but she did apply it lightly. As for her body she is thinner than a rail but has a massive rack that has to be fake. Skinny girls don't have large breasts unless they pay for them. She is a trophy wife. A prized gem of any man... And it kills me to ever think I might have compared to her.

With one last nail in the coffin of my hopes, Thor abandons me on the couch to rush over and pick her up in his strong arms. He kisses her with enough passion to light up the room and to my dismay she kisses back. He looks just as happy, if not happier, than when he plays with Sleipnir and Fenrir... I am the middle man... I mean nothing. I never meant anything to him other than a barrier between my children and him. He mentioned before how he loved children and that he wanted his own, now I understand what that really means. Jane won't give them to him even as he borderline dry humps her as a greeting.

Why won't she give him a child? She obviously isn't saving it for marriage if this is how they greet one another with guests in the house. Perhaps she doesn't want to ruin her tiny figure. It is very hard getting back in shape after birth unless you have an excellent work out schedule and/or no money for food. Her hips don't look child rearing so it may as well be a health issue. I hate it but I imagine them making love, big Thor fucking tiny her senseless and it just looks painful. However, she may have something holding her back. A job that means something or still going to school (after all she looks about my age.)

"Jane, this is our wonderful neighbor Loki Laufeyson." I guess that is my cue to stand and go greet the future mrs. Perfect. I stand awkwardly and force a smile I've shown a thousand time in situations I would rather run from. She offers me a thin hand and I take it for one quick shake before letting go.

"Nice to finally meet you. I haven't heard about anything else besides your family for the last couple few weeks." She has an accent I can't pick up on. Perhaps she is french. French fits her.

"I'm sorry then." She laughs in an annoyingly pretensions way. I hate her for being perfect and pretty. I hate her for existing and taking away my hopes. I should have drank that wine.

"Oh please. It's nothing but Thor raving about your boys and yourself." You didn't have to add the last part for my sake. Thor wraps an arm around her tiny waist and pulls her to the couch like he did with me but this time she goes on his lap without even taking off her heels or jacket. He grabs her chin and demands more mouth fucking while I stand and stare like an outsider.

Is it possible that two people could be this much in love with one another? How could their be this much happiness shared from just seeing the other person come home from work? I can't even comprehend it. Svaðilfari and I never had that. We lived with one another constantly and when the other went away, it was more like a breath of fresh air than a welcome home party. Perhaps one day I will fine my own Thor Odinson, who will think I'm the greatest thing ever, like Jane whatever-her-last-name-is. One can only hope.

Thor comes up for air but his hand still remains on her thigh. I move and sit at a chair and I think they notice me.

"Anyway Loki, what were we talking about?" Another stab.

"Oh nothing. Now future Mrs. Odinson, why is it that I never see you?" She smiles with perfect pearly white teeth. She is the goddess to his God.

"I work late and sleep in if I don't have to go back."

"She's an astronomer. She has a brilliant brain and she's gorgeous!" Thor adds while playing with her hair. The whole being late makes sense, you see stars better at night. Sketchy fiance has quickly become a brainy scientist. "I met Ms. Foster in America," Well there goes the mystery accent. "When I was on a business trip and on my first adventure into this store called Star-." It was about here when I zoned out. I don't care about hapless romantic stories, I never have and I never will but I put on a good face and know when to make little gasps and nods. Apparently it had something to do with running into one another, some messed up drink orders, blah, blah, blah. I could use a drink.

"So Loki, are you seeing anyone?" She asks as if we mutually care for the answer. But I will humor her.

"Oh no. I'm looking though." She gives a sympathetic look while grabbing at my old wine glass. Fuck you, Jane Foster.

"Well Thor has these friends he met in the Army that he now works with. He calls them the warriors three, silly name I know. But they're all single and interested in finding someone. Just the other day Fandral was over here and he wouldn't stop talking about this mysterious librarian with dark curls and green eyes he saw. I think he was talking about you." Oh great. Fantastic. I work a few days a week and I'm being noticed.

"Oh well tell him to talk to me some time. I'm single and looking for a guy who works well with children." I guess it couldn't hurt but the Fandral seems about as interesting as watching grass grow.

"He is good with little ones." Thor adds in as if I care at this point. I should never have come here.

"Oh you need a drink. Would you like some wine?" Oh not this again.

"No thank you. I will take some water though." Jane stands, surprisingly Thor isn't attached at her hip this time as she walks off into the kitchen. I see a hint of lust in his eyes as he watches her go. I look down at my maroon shirt and its lovely black buttons. I was once told I looked good in this color. Funny, how I wore this old thing with hopes he would comment. Never again.

"When are you getting married?" I dare inquire to break the silence.

"Next April, we have yet to set a specific date but her parents want it in April," He sounds thrilled. "When we pick out a date I will tell you. I want you and your family there."

"Oh yes. I will go." Hallow words. An awful lie I tell myself only to be polite. He notices.

"Loki, is something wrong?" Oh you're attentive now. I hear him move closer to me.

"I-i miss my children. I know it may sound odd but I become lonely without them." It's not a lie and it's not the full truth but he swallows. Fingers brush my chin and pull lightly so I am eye level with his again. Swirling blue orbs of concern hold my own.

"You're not alone. You have Jane and myself. And we'll introduce you to new people and get you a date." He winks, which sends a spark to my cold heart. It is short lived as Jane comes back with a tall glass of water and rips his attention, once again, away from me. She rests back in his lap.

"So Loki, tell us about this evil ex of yours. Thor left me an angry voice mail about earlier and I'm curious." I don't know if it's because she is American or just socially all together but you **never** ask someone something so personal. The water help calms me before I walk out on this little adventure all together.

"We met at a horse riding training camp. He was the instructor, I was the student. If you know anything about the racing world you might know him," I pause and the couple gives me no sign of having knowledge of such things. "He was my only friend and things turned romantic when he scraped my broken body off of the floor after some boys decided to take their anger out on me. We f-slept together, I got pregnant, he ran and I never forgave him for it. Later we got back together for Sleipnir's sake. Decided to raise Fenrir together and tried for another but in the end, things never worked out. Now we work on a schedule and see each other every other weekend. I'm sorry if that wasn't as romantic as you may have hoped it would be." Jane looked a little upset while Thor looked half gone. He does care. He has shown me that but I will forget him because he wants me as a friends spouse instead.

"We'll get you some real romance."

ooo

Dinner was tasteless or I had run out of fucks to give. I just wanted to go home and forget about the demigod known as Thor Odinson. But as I watched them eat together I had noticed the first strain in their perfect relationship; table manners. She despises how he shovels down food and I don't blame her. Boys eat atrociously but it is a fact of nature. She may want to change him with every playful smack of her napkin, but she never will.

On a side note, they never talked about anyone other than this Fandral person. By the time they start talking about how cute of a couple we would make, I'm already half way out the door with the excuse of "I need to call my children and have work in the morning." Though thoroughly heartbroken at my departure they wave to me as I walk over to the fence line

I understand why they wanted me around to set me up with one of their friends. Couples naturally gravitate towards other couples. They have a certain way of wanting to be around people like themselves. When my old horseman and I were together our only friends were couples expecting or couples with children because that was who we naturally fit with. I just wish that they wouldn't have treated me like their makeover project. I don't need their romance, I don't need anyone.

ooo

When I get in my giant yellow bed I pull off the shirt I tried to impress him with and shove it into the laundry basket, throw my lonely phone onto the nearest table and shift under the covers. Once my head hits the pillows I fall asleep and for once I dream of something other than Svaðilfari.

ooo

I dream of luscious gardens built for Gods to stroll through. I feel the cool grass beneath my bare feet as I move from place to place

I dream of golden apples perched upon a tree, giant and potent. I want to taste one to see if it is edible.

I dream of Thor leaning against the apple tree in full metal armor and a sweeping red cape. His mouth occupied by the biggest of the apples which he chews on more delicately than I've seen thus far.

I dream of his eyes lighting up when they see me. The apple is no longer important and he sets his dear Mjolnir.

I dream of his embrace. Tight and backbreaking as he lifts me up from the ground and pleasures my mouth with the sweetness of apple and the sting of electricity upon his lips.

I dream of his voice whispering my name. "Loki, my brother. Welcome home."

ooo

I wake to disappointment and confusion. There is a storm outside and all I can think before drifting off again is "_I'm losing my mind._"


	8. Operation Forget Thor Odinson

**Authors Note: Sorry for the lack of update. This chapter was the hardest to write thus far. I felt the need to add in a little bit of Sva for Fathers day. Enjoy**

I wake in a confused daze and with a nagging suspicion that something isn't right, not from my awkward dream but from the slow memories from the previous night. Blinded by an odd fantasy the real pain registers. Drinks, kisses, gropings, declarations of love, and being useful only to some stranger. I should never have expected anything, especially from a man to be married. But things always happens, until we destroy the source of our own emotions will we no longer be hurt by school boy crushes. It was a nice slap of reality and it's not like I have ever gotten my way ever. Maybe this time I have learned my lesson. The best thing to do is to forget. I am still that new optimistic person I claimed to be, I just need a reboot.

While reminiscing I hardly noticed that the beside clock read 07:15 a.m, which means fourty-five minutes before work. But when I did, oh boy did I run like a bat out of hell to the nice yellow shower room to cleanse my body. A mad dash to dry, cloth, and ready myself quickly follows. Don't need to eat, don't need my usual tea (though I will surely regret it later.) With the added time I have about fifteen minutes to walk into town.

Locking my house and walking as fast as my legs will carry me I glimpse a massive pound of flesh sitting on the stoop of my neighbors porch. Odinson is drinking coffee surprisingly not from the pitcher itself while appearing deep in thought about something. Perhaps this his first thought that doesn't include play, smash, and fuck since it troubles his neanderthal brain. I rush by without registering that he is there. Oh how I hope it ails him.

"A bit late are we? I can drive you." He beckons. Though tempting of an offer to ride in his sports car, I would rather walk to Oslo from here barefoot and on broken glass.

"No thank you, Mr. Odinson." That is all he is to me. He lost his privilege of being titled Thor.

"Loki, call me T-." He is too far away now to hear.

ooo

I was late by two minutes. Oh well, I suppose I could have ignored Odinson and would have been here on time. One long rant from Astrid on how I should be more responsible was bearable all things considered. She released me to take care of the endless stack of books that needed re-shelving and to be arranged by request. Despite a night of sleep, my body gave a sluggish start (perhaps from lack of nutrients.) Things eventually click into place and I complete my usual routine; book handling, book holding, book shelving, book grabbing, directions on where the bathroom is, helping desperate University students find the book their professor demands, ect, ect. It never gets old here.

ooo

When things quieted down for a Saturday, I took a seat at the small desk designated as my station for those who had questions on locations of books and other repetitive questions. It was nice to sit for just a moment and to collect my thoughts. I begin to write a list of important things to pick up since rumors of paychecks being available today float from employee to employee. It must have been a minute into the list but a manly cough summoned my attention.

I looked up to see a stocky blonde, leaning over my desk counter. He has a playboys smile and a face to go with. Sparkling baby blue eyes, pink lips that look unnaturally glossed, and light spiked blonde hair. He appeared to be going for a scruffy look with the goatee growing on his chin. He looked like a Robin Hood type but instead of green tights he wears impeccable suits. Oh great this must be Odinson's friend. What was his name? As if I haven't heard it enough already.

"Hark. But, soft. What light through yonder distant window breaks? It is the East and the marvelous man before me is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief." This was Fandral... This animated, charming man before me was a friend and war buddy of a man resembling a demigod.

"Er. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Act two, scene two. A classic." He smiles with white teeth. Though not as perfect, they do look nice. I don't understand why the people closest to the jolly flesh colored giant have such model qualities.

"Educated too? I _love_ the educated type," He purrs and oozes flirtation. Though I just met him, I can tell he is the hopeless romantic type. "Fandral Völlr*. What might your name be, handsome. Before you spoil the surprise, might I say green is your best color. It matches your beautiful eyes perfectly and makes your succulent figure stand out." I don't know if I should be amused or tearing my hair out in rage. Whoever thought I was a good match with this man was surely mistaken or an idiot.

"Loki Laufeyson and thank you...?" I extend a hand as I normally would in greeting a new person, though instead of a hand, pink lips caress the top of my hand. He lets go after awhile without me having to tug it away.

"Mr. Laufeyson, it is an honor to finally be acquainted. May I call you Loki or might I call you by a title you truly deserve." Excuse me but what?

"Loki is fine..." I smile at him. I've met many men in my time but this Mr. Völlr is the strangest thus far.

"Loki~" He twists my name on his tongue as if it has a taste. "I have admired you from afar for too long." It's been a week and a half at best. If that is too long for him then there is something wrong with him besides this Shakespearean, lover boy, Robin Hood look. Maybe he has been following me since I've arrived here... I can't tell if I should reject him or humor him to see what happens.

"I've been wondering who that handsome fellow stealing glances at me was. You should have said hello earlier or perhaps I should have." Laying it on thick. He interests me but not enough normally that I could ever approach him. Messing with people is a delicate art of poking and prodding with wordsmith to see what makes them bend to your will. From the looks of it I have struck a heart string. He smiles like a fool.

"May I call you Fandral or is Romeo a better name?" No deep response.

"Fandral please. Though I would love to marry and take my life beside you in a three day period, I wold rather have dinner and get to know you first." Cheeky. I humor him with a half halfhearted chuckle. He seems educated enough to my standards.

"Clever, Fandral." I was once told by a wise romanticist that if you speak with a higher pitch than normal and act submissive, men will go weak at the knees for you. So far it works in almost all of the men I've tried it on. He laps it up like he's starved of it.

"Hey now when you say my name like that it makes me want to stay in the library all day. However I'd rather see you outside the work place. I know this place. It's cute and has great drinks. If you're interested we could talk Shakespeare."

"Sounds lovely. Next Friday works for me though I will need to make some arrangements." A date to some shit bar I'm sure and honestly I've never cared for the Bard.

"I know you have two little ones. I saw them hanging off of you one day and I couldn't really tell if they were your brothers or sons but you produce angels." Some compliment.

"Thank you. Let me give you my number." I scrawl it down upon an empty spot on my list and carefully rip it clean for him. He takes it eagerly and smiles that lovely smile.

"I suppose I should let you get back to work," Oh I'm sure Astrid is having a lovely fit right now. I don't care. "You won't regret this." I already do. But it is nice after years of I wouldn't say neglect more of lack of interest to have some one of decent looks swoon over me like a love sick boy. Though I have this nagging suspicion that this is how he acts around all things that move and several things that don't.

"Good-day, good-day. Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good day till it be marrow." He croons and clutches my hand in one more kiss before leaving with a look of the cat who caught the canary. I'm not sure what just happened but the day just got interesting.

ooo

After being released into the World with my first paycheck followed by a rather heated argument at the bank over transferring my pathetic account and then finally a shopping adventure. The nice thing about living in such a small town is it doesn't take long to walk from place to place. Though I look like a dying camel (and certainly sound like one too,) as I stumble back to my place, it still doesn't mean I need to save up for a car. The walk is good exercise, god knows we could all need it but on this empty stomach in the August heat, I would love to vomit. Oh lord, I spy a shirtless demigod up ahead tanning on his lawn. Would it be the ultimate insult if my first look at his half naked figure was to retch across the sidewalk? Tempting.

As I approach the sleeping giant, lazily draped over a towel, only wearing white shorts that didn't seem to hide much of anything (is that mjolnir in your pants or are you naturally hung?) He had washboard abs that could cut diamonds and perfectly waxed chest. Though he is plenty tan, it's nice to know he isn't a part of the American fad of tanning. He looks peaceful, like a cat who found a sunny spot to nap in. Even though I can't see his blue eyes (they're covered by stylish sun glasses,) I can tell he must be having a great day.

Bile rises in the back of my throat as a warning to stop observing the beast in his natural habitat and get the fuck inside. Besides I'm no longer attracted to him. I have a date with the guy he wanted to set me up with. Everything is just great between us.

He must have super hearing or I really sound like I'm dying because he perks his head up like a lonely watch dog. He shoots up and strolls over even as I pick up the pace to avoid him.

"Loki. You look like you could use some help."

"I," _Pant_ "Don't," _Pant_ "Needyourhelp." _Pantpantpant. _For some odd reason he doesn't seem to believe me as I struggle to reach my keys without setting something down. He takes several bags like it's nothing in his bulging arms. Oh those biceps flexed look about as big as my head. Fuck this. I may need to move again.

"You're cute when you're all worked up." Oh I'm just as cute as a fucking kitten, you idiotic group of muscles sewn together and topped with a skull someone found on the side of the road. **UGH!**

"Cool." I get out my keys and head inside. He follows like a servant, though I try to take my groceries back from him. All I want to do is eat and lay down, not be around Odinson.

"How was work? I got a text from Fandral earlier. I'm glad you guys are finally talking. Are you going out tonight or next week? He likes you very much if you can't tell. Do you like him or is it too early to tell? You can always go on a double date with Jane and I if you're nervous to go alone." Oh dear god. Make it stop. It's like having another child around. I said I missed my children! I didn't want another one. Honestly if I didn't know any better I would say he is Fenrir's real father.

"Work was fine. Mr. Völlr and I have a date next Friday. As for my feelings about him, I don't know yet. You don't have to set up a big date. I can handle things on my own." I want to smack his hand as he digs into my bags. I just stumble around to find a slice of fresh brown bread. I devour it with no ceremony and immediately feel relief. It's not the best. My mother left me one thing, a homemade bread recipe passed down from generation to generation. My ex couldn't live without it so for years I made it every day.

"I can watch the boys for you. Jane will be gone with shows, you know at the planetarium for the school children." Oh right. I knew I had to do something. Besides analyze why his lady avoids him more successfully than I can, I need to set up the boys with the local school house. Add that to my growing list of things to do.

"Thanks. Does your friend always treat his love interests with such conviction or is he a natural flirt?" I move slowly. Putting things in the new layout. I feel him watch me, my darling unwanted guest. I send enough hate to force anyone with half a brain cell out of my home. However it seems he is truly awful at picking up emotional cues.

"He is a flirt but he will go to the extreme for a person he really likes."

"How would you define extreme?"

"He will go out of his way to impress the person he likes. He will do just about anything to get you to like him back. Did you give him your cell phone number?"

"Hmm. Yes. I did." Now that I think about it I did and I haven't checked my phone. I'm usually good about that. Though no body ever messages me besides a call from my children or my father. The other lump in my pocket I hardly ever notice is the next thing I reach for. It's old, small and black, banged up over time but the screen clearly reads twelve new messages from an unknown number. Fantastic.

_It was many and many a year ago,In a kingdom by the sea,That a lad there lived whom you may know. By the name of Loki;_ _And this lad he lived with no other thought. Than to love and be loved by me_

"I believe he likes me." First we have Shakespeare, now a rather hopeless poem by the alcoholic Poe. He stands behind me and reads over my shoulder. His smile never leaves his face.

"Yes. Yes he does."

ooo

The rest of my Saturday involves a rapid text battle between Fandral and I (of course after a change in my phone plan,) which takes place after the lonely demigod next door is thrown out. Overall I've learned three things today; One, Odinson has a more complex relationship than I had previously observed, Two, Fandral is a literature and poetry buff. His favorites include Poe, Dickinson, Shakespeare, and Wilde. Third, Yellow is the worst color to clean.

After hours of cleaning and texting, I lay down on the puffy yellow couch in my living room with my illustrated copy of Asgardian Tales. It's worn from age, after all it was gifted to me at birth. I turn to one old dog eared page and sink down into the olden tales. Ones of Odin giving his eye for ultimate knowledge, Thor and Loki going on adventures together and participating in ridiculous contests, of Baldur and his death by Loki's craft, of frost giants, and of a magical horse needing to be seduced.

Before I fall asleep I send one last text; _I'm going to bed. _And ignore whatever his response is and allow myself to slip into the dream World.

ooo

Sunday passes by in almost an instant, mostly because I end up sleeping the day away. The Horseman once joked that my spirit animal was a cat, which isn't far from the truth. Sundays are slow days, a day to lay around in a perfect sun spot and sleep. Though it is a holy to some, I'm not religious. I was raised on borderline paganism, so really I don't care about celebrating a religion that conquered the one of my childhood. My ex mother in law tried to force me to go with her a couple times to her Protestant Church group. She always wanted to "cleanse my soul of my wicked ways." I never went just to spite her and Svaðilfari never pushed it (he hates her more than I ever did.) Needless to say, Sunday is a lazy day.

Most of the time I spend on my puffy yellow couch, reading old books I forgotten about years ago and sending messages to an eager Fandral who is bored out of his mind because of some business meeting. Odinson seems to be quiet today, surprising for him, though I suspect it must be this meeting that keeps him out of my life for once. Whatever. It wasn't until around 19:45 did I actually have anything to do besides tidy up here and there for the hurricane of children to come. When an unmistakable green truck pulled up in my driveway, I felt a twinge of excitement. My babes were home.

Svaðilfari, as grim and tired as ever. He carries luggage in one arm and a sleepy Fenrir in the other. Sleipnir crawls out of his seat and stumbles, trying to get inside the house before passing out. From the looks of it this was a touch weekend for them all.

"Loki, Darling. I believe we made it back on time." He smiles and I want to hit him.

"Earlier actually. Did the boys behave?" Fenrir whimpers and raises his head, groping for me like he did as a toddler. I take him in my arms, marveling at the new ease of holding him. Muscle building is great for many things.

"Mama. I missed you. You should come with us next time. I got to ride the new pony. I," Soft yawn. "love you." He whispers and lays his head down on my shoulder, closing his pretty little eyes.

"Maybe one day," I will never go back there without having a major reason to. It's just a policy to keep myself sane. "I love you too." Joy is holding your child at the stage of life where you can do no wrong in their eyes.

"They were perfect though we had a moment before leaving where someone didn't want to leave and threw a fit." Oh dear. There goes the culprit past me as he tries to make it to the door.

"Sleipnir, is what father says is true? Did you throw a tantrum?" Oh he stops and tries to not look guilty, though the whole time he stares at his feet.

"Yeah. A little one." I'm always a little disappointed when things like this happen but I acted the same way when I was his age. It's to be expected after all.

"I'm not mad at you. I expected better behavior. You are ten years old, old enough to not act like a baby. Your father was nice enough to drive all the way to pick you up and make sure you had a good weekend. Next time I expect you to act your age for him. Now give me a hug. I missed you." He shuffles over for a quick bony hug around my waist. For a second it feels like he loves me. Fenrir tries to get comfortable but ends up kicking my side on accident and almost hits his brothers face. Cuteness is pain.

"Nnn. I want to go inside." He whines. Svaðilfari looks amused for a moment before the bitterness takes over in his silver eyes once more.

"I guess this is good bye. Until he meet again. Boys be good for your mother." He leans in before I can move away and kisses my cheek. I suppose he never read our pamphlets on acceptable contact with your ex, he never had the capability to sit and read anyways.

"So long." He hands me the bags and leaves. As I watch him go, I glimpse a flash of blonde and hear the slamming of a car door harder than necessary. The giant son of Odin is home and angered once again. Is he watching me when Svaðilfari visits?

"Mama, faster. I want to go inside." Another whine. I guess I will have to find out later why he cares.


	9. Dating Games

**Authors Note: Hey darling readers do you remember when I said there would be thorki this chapter? Well I lied. Or overshot my writing ability/tendency to want to add in as much kidfluff as possible. I promise, I swear that the next chapter is all Thorki. Brief translation: Fox**

If there is one day I dread, after visiting my ex and family of course, is the first day of school. While most sane mothers are happy for the chance of dumping the things they birthed after a long holiday break with them, I despise it. My attachment to my children is stronger than the urge to throw them to the sharks. When I think of school, I think of my experiences as the kid everyone exiled and poked fun at because I couldn't fight back. Though I'm far enough away from Oslo to be recognized by tormentors, my greatest fear is that somehow my children have inherited my burden and are teased endlessly by their peers, or the children of the people I was around grow up with mine (I wasn't the only teen mother, just the one everyone hated.)

However by some odd stroke of luck, neither has happened. Fenrir, my darling fiery haired ball of energy holds my hand. Though he has been in school for only a year prior, he easily makes friends with his peers. The more unfortunate thing is that when the school season returns, I never see him. He is busy with his little friends on weekends and after school. The summer is when I snatch him back up into my arms whenever I can.

As for his brother, he walks next to me in silence. For him, being involved in sports brings him admiration from his peers. Sleipnir is a quiet boy but he gains friends just like his father; through what he does. When sports season arrives, he is active with his little group. He already shows the signs of being a great athlete through his dedication and hard work. What's not to like about that?

The place we're heading to is not too far from the library where I work. It's another little brick building with levels to it, surrounded by apple trees almost barren from the seasons. The eccentric garden surrounding the courthouse seems to come from here or at least start here. A small amount of children run and play around the bushes of by the flower beds, avoiding class until the last second. I feel Fenrir itching to join them.

"Do you both know where you are going? Did you grab your lunches?" I dare question.

"Yep."

"Yes. Can I go now?" Sleipnir groans with the onset of teenage angst.

"I suppose. Have a good day." I sigh. My how times have changed. Before I can ask for a hug, he is off into the building. Fenrir tugs to follow him though he won't get away so quickly."

"Love you, little one."

"Love you too." He stops for a brief hug, though his mind is somewhere else. I hold him a long as I dare to restrain him.

"Have a good day."

"I will." I watch him run off from me yet again.

ooo

When Sleipnir toddled with me to his first day of school, I wasn't so sure if I would be able to hold back tears. Though if I had cried, he surely would have too. My baby was growing up and leaving me. His tiny gallops he developed after his beloved horses ceased for the moment as he wrapped his thin arms around my leg. He looked up at me with huge gray eyes riddled with anxiety and concern. Tears began to form at the corners and his upper lip quivered. I'd seen that look a million times before, the barriers about to break from the onslaught of emotion.

"M-Mama, I-I don't wanna go. D-Don't go." I picked him up with my fatigued arms and cradled him. My darling raven haired boy who wanted to be a horse, how could I ever let you leave my side. Kissing the tears away and giving him the love only a mother could provide, I calmed him.

"I will always be with you no matter where you go. You are a brave boy. I will be back before you can even miss me," And with a little bit of bribery I add, "And I hear your class room has books on horses with lots and lots of pictures." He perks up and the tears stop, his lip calms, and he looks more excited. He kisses my cheek in one of his rare showings of affection before I let him down.

"O-Okay. Love you."

"Love you more. Now go to class." He looks scared again but beings galloping off towards the door I directed him to. He looks so adorable with his new shoes and backpack (though I had to beg Laufey to pay for them.) The split doesn't feel so real until I walk away. He is no longer so dependent upon me. He is growing up faster than I would have liked. Though I have lost a babe, I have more freedoms that once belonged to me pre-motherhood.

In my brief madness over the shift in power, I became pregnant once again. Another brilliant move on my part.

ooo

Fenrir's depart from my arms wasn't as painful. Though sad in its own way, I had other worries at the time. I recall Svaðilfari standing beside me as I wept silently, his hand on my swollen belly. Hel... She was developing at the time. Fenrir ran around us in excitement and only stopped to occasionally press him tiny face into my navel and whisper excited little messages to his soon-to-be-sister about all the things he was going to learn.

"I'm going to learn what comes after fifty, and why the sky is blue, and addition! I'm going to be smart like Sleipnir than when you come out of Mama I'm going to teach you so you can be smart too." Hel give him little kicks in response as if to say, "Thanks big brother." Svaðilfari smiles the way he does when he is at peace and ruffles Fen's orange fluff of hair.

"Son, detach yourself from your mother and sister. The bell is going to ring soon." He chuckles and Fenrir obeys. Though his little face scrunches up with concern.

"Mama don't cry. I'm just going to school."

"I know," I croak out and wipe my eyes. "You're just so grown up now."

"Love you, Mama."

"Love you more."

ooo

Though I had orginally planned on meeting the Principle of the school, duty calls. I will be better next week when I don't feel so empty and Astrid is more lenient on my work hours. I keep glancing at the watch some admirer gave me years ago, it keeps ticking and I see no reason not to use it. It currently says 15:30, they should be out by now. Work has been noticeably slow since school has gotten back in, the only important customer being Fandral who brought me lunch and spent his lunch hour trying to cheer me up. Though it made me feel the same about him, it surely brightened my day.

"MAMA!" And here comes the welcome wagon. Astrid looks like she is about to have a heart attack as my wild child screeches and runs around the library trying to find me. Once he catches me, he pounces in an ecstatic hug. Sleipnir calmly follows, though he wears a grin upon his face.

"How was school? Tell me everything." Fen does what he does best; talk your ear off.

"It was so cool! My teacher is Mrs. Odinson but we have to call her Frigga. She's Thor's mama and so I told her I lived next door and Thor is like my second daddy and she was so happy. She says we can work in the schools gardens this year! Oh and I met this kid named Phil and he gave me his fruit snacks. Phil's my best friend! Well best friend that isn't you or my pony!" Oh god... The first half of his little speech... I don't want to meet the woman who birthed the man I live next door to. Even more so with this second father nonsense.

"Oh wow. I will have to meet Phil some time. Sleipnir?"

"It was good. Ms. Voss* gave us apples. She seems really nice and she handed us track team papers." Oh the track team. Those thin legs his inherited from me carry him swiftly and gracefully through the season.

"Are you going to join?" As if I need to ask

"Yeah. I should train. I heard other kids talking about training all summer." He says with a deflated sigh.

"We'll get you back into shape. There's a school field you can practice on and if you ask Mr. Odinson, I'm sure he will take you jogging." He perks up just a little bit. A shy smile appears only for a second.

"Thanks Mama."

ooo

Days pass as I fall into a pattern of waking up early, showering, eating, running to school, running to work, meeting Fandral at lunch, working, going home to a smiling Odinson, retrieve my children, dinner, homework checking, cleaning, and bed. Now if Fandral hadn't mentioned at our most recent lunch together that we had a date tonight, I would have slept it off.

"Oh I'm so excited for tonight. You mentioned you live by Thor so I will pick you up around lets say 19:30." He fixes me a perfect smile. Shit. My first first date in six years and I almost forget about it.

Anyways when I arrived at my humble yellow and gray abode, Odinson trapped me before I could go inside. He pulled me into a tight hug which did not feel comfortable nor friendly. He picks me up off the ground for a moment before letting go to clasp my shoulder in a strangle hold known as his oafish affections. He smiles down at me with perfect teeth that I want to break if he ever does this again.

"The big night has finally arrived! I'm so happy for you. Go prep, I'll watch the kids." He booms with enthusiasm.

"What are you doing, Mama?" Fenrir is near us, laying on his belly while he prods a fuzzy caterpillar. Choosing my words carefully, I reply.

"I have a date tonight. And Mr. Odinson is going to watch you." Softening the blow just a little bit. Sleipnir has told me on several occasions (or should I say melt downs,) that I only belong to Svaðilfari. Fenrir believes that not only are we still together but married and just taking an "adult vacation" from each other.

"Oh... Won't daddy be mad...?"

"Fenrir, he doesn't care. Remember our talks?" We've had several, even brought them both to therapy for awhile. The delusion will not leave. Oh no. Odinson has that look on his face again. The one of he'll smash the next thing that mentions my ex.

"I'll get ready." I push past him to finally reach my house.

ooo

I have a ritual I participate in every time I go on a major date. The first step is to bathe in rose water for a good period of time or for those days when I'm lazy, rose scented bubble bath.

Next is to dress in the outfit that sets the mood for the evening. I figure tonight is an official meeting which usually calls for flirtation. But this is the romantic Robin Hood, so something past that. Nothing too nice but to say I put some effort in my appearance. Magenta failed miserably, so I go with a emerald green shirt, black jeans, and a black vest.

The final step is to spend a good five to ten minutes laying in a nice space and engaging in a self hate session. Picking out every flaw he might pick up on. Your hair is too long. You look and act like a woman. That's the only reason he likes you. Kids? Ha! He'll run for sure. He's older but he won't want to get tied down. When was the last time you got laid? A year and a half of pitiful masturbation. Wooooow what a catch. You prefer his friend anyways. Why bother? The buzzing of your phone is just him calling it off because he found himself a Jane Foster. Don't even bother looking.

I look anyway

_I'm here ;)_

The breaking of my self hate session is always a relief. I am my worst critic after all. I go downstairs to see my boys wrapped around a pile of flesh, gawking at the large lap top screen while sharing a large bowl of popcorn. It appears they're watching some action movie with a superhero in a metal suit, fighting evil and getting women. Typical guy movie.

"I'm leaving. I don't know when I'll be home but bed time is 21:30." Odinson tilts his massive head and looks a little shocked.

"You look sexy. I wish I was your date. Go knock him dead." He winks. Damn it. Don't you dare blush.

"Thanks, I guess. Behave boys." I bend down to slip on my shoes, effectively hiding my face. I turn and run before he can say anything more. Fandral is perched by the steps, smiling and with half lidded eyes. He's wearing a simple button down shirt and jeans. He looks as gorgeous as ever.

"Loki. Wow. You look... Great. Really great." He takes my hand once more for a kissing session. I'm surprised that he isn't quoting Shakespeare or flopping around like he loves to do.

"Thank you. So do you," He lowers my arm but still grips my palm. "No poetry today I see."

"Not yet. I have to admire your beauty first. May I kiss you?" Always the gentlemen.

"If you want to, though typically it's a parting display of affection." He smiles and leans in enough so his facial hair tickles my chin. He smells of mint and expensive cologne. He wets his lips before going in for the kill. Pressing them softly against my own and oh how they feel nice. Is that a tiny flutter? Oh of course not. He pulls away to smile again in his sly way.

"You kiss by the book."

"I knew you had it in you." He laughs and pulls me along to his impressive blue sports car. Identical to Odinson's parked next door. He holds the door open for me. He is either a gentlemen or he plays the chivalrous part to get me to spread my legs. I've seen it done by men before as a little ploy so I will keep an eye on him this evening. I slide in to the nice leather seat and get comfortable. It's a nice car. He must take care of it. No noticeable damage, no stains, not even a little bit of dirt. You can pick up on someones personality based on how they treat their car.

"We're going to this little place about a mile or two out of town." He hums as he climbs in and starts the engine. That's comforting, oh and not vague. For all I know he could keep his car clean to seduce and strangle me in the back seat.

"Is it a bar or a place to ear?" I wipe the nervousness away by fidgeting with my phone. A new text from oddly enough _Thor_ _(Oaf)_

"Both." Hmm. Still vague. He turns some light music on, something light and in English. Unfortunately I skipped most of my language classes, so I had no idea what was being said. As we go in silence I open up the text message.

_If u need me 2 watch the boys all night I can ;D Don't want 2 ruin all of ur fun by comin home 2 early _

Oh my... Fuck you, you giant Oaf of a man you writes like a thirteen year old girl. I am not going to bed your friend. Not tonight. Not ever.

"I-Is something wrong?" Fandral voices. Apparently I've been trying to break my phone out of rage.

"It's nothing. Keep your eyes on the road please." This drive better go by fast

ooo

We drove in silence to this little shit bar in the middle of nowhere. To be honest, for a first date this place is shitty. It's small and dark, in all corners there is nothing but feeble lighting. The only other people around us is an overweight and heavily scarred bartender, a biker with his paid female consort of the evening, and a man in the farthest corner looking like he wants to drown in his beer mug. The place smells of desperation and depravity. I'm pretty sure if I go into the bathroom alone I will be raped or worse, dragged into the backroom for ritualistic torture.

Things are not looking good for Fandral already. Did I mention I have a system to navigate through first dates? Well I developed it after Sleipnir was born and I was desperate from companionship. There are a couple things I look for when I spend an evening with a man (as dirty as that sounds, I used to have evenings like that but back to what I mentioned;) intelligence, humility, kindness, compatibility, and a positive view towards children. So far from prior meetings he fits the intelligence bit, though this place does not make me feel attracted to him at all.

I stay close (as in cling) to him as he leads me to a private booth worn with age and what looks like a tiger clawed its way through it and the table. I want to go home. I have made a huge mistake.

"I know it's a little scary but this place has the best pub food in all of Norway. I would take you somewhere in town but there is nowhere to go but work."

"Well if the hepatitis and the removal of kidneys is worth fish and chips, I suppose I'm okay with staying." He laughs in his arrogant fashion. I still keep a strong grip on his hand as he sits across from me.

"You're always quick with your tongue. Very sharp, your humor. I love it," He signals over the massive bartender, who in turn hobbles over. "I'll order us the good stuff. What would you like to drink?" Oh here comes the moral decision, do I want to give in and have a drink, let the wild one out or be kind enough to decline his offer of alcoholic beverages. Decide now before the walrus huffing over our table gets angry, Loki!

"Well if it isn't Romeo. I haven't seen you here in awhile. And you brought a date." He eyes me with blue and yellow eyes. He looks wild, someone I would never want to be around.

"Nice to see you too, Njord. This is the lovely Mr. Laufeyson, my date for this evening. May we have two of the usual and a pale ale for myself." He looks to me with a smile though his eyes read lust and pride.

"May I have a white russian please." I mutter dryly. I like my drinks not too sweet and definatly not girly. I spy a look of amusement on Njord's face though.

"He's cute, Fandral. Don't ruin him. I'll have those right up." And he scuffles away. Ruin? Oh this Fandral must be a heart breaker. Tsk, tsk.

"So Loki. Tell me a little about yourself." I will give him credit. He is kind enough to let me start off. I give him the same condensed squeal as always; I'm a librarian, I'm a son of a politician, I have two brothers, I grew up in Oslo, got pregnant at sixteen, raised a kid alone, had one more, and have an ex who floats around from time to time. Short, sweet, and simple. Something easy to keep him interested and not wondering how well I suck cock after a couple drinks in my system. He actually seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say.

Njord shuffled back over with our drinks when I was done with my short history. The glass of cream, vodka, and coffee flavoring looked like it had seen better days. Oddly enough the first think I thought off before taking a sip from the narrow black straws was of Odinson's smiling mug devouring coffee like the caffeine addict he is. Here's to you, Mr. Perfect, lovingly watching my children while I get to spend my Friday night with Robin Hood and his merry band of alcoholics. I sip a little to prepare my body for the whiplash of the cheap vodka. It burns and twists in my empty guts. Oh god. I have made a huge mistake.

"So tell me, Mister Mysterious, what's your background story?" He smiles in the cutesy way while sipping from the bottled ale he ordered.

"Well I was born and raised in Elverum. I'm an only child of a single mother. My parents split before I was born," Another sip and I feel woozy. I severely hope he doesn't have Oedipus fantasies. "When I was old enough I joined the military. That is where I met Thor, Volstagg, and Hogun, my darling friends. You've obviously met Thor."

"That I have. I can't seem to escape him." I snort and mix my drink. Oh the wonders of the drink.

"Yeah he's a great guy. Pretty over protective. The army wasn't really my thing. I'm more of a lover than a fighter, unless I need to fight for love," He winks, trying to sound seductive while I laugh at him. Oh lord. _Hahaha!_ And he's serious. "So after that I joined my friends in a business partnership and it has paid of handsomely. I love my job, I love my friends, and I love courting beauties like you, especially you." Now he's serious. People think I'm beautiful. Eh what a shock, though Thor did call me sexy. Yes, oh yes he did.

"Well thank you. Besides being a real life Robin Hood what do you do for fun?" Another sip and I'm swimming in warmth. I like this place, I like this man. Everything is great and fun.

"Hmm. I certainly don't rob the rich and give to the poor. I do like reading, working out, and going on vacations. What about you, trickster?"

"Besides playing house maid and scrapping my boys out of the mud and dirt, which is a really fun time by the way, I like reading."

"Don't you ever get sick of books?" I feel his hand under the table rest upon my knee. I hope he doesn't think he's getting lucky. I may be a tad bit drunk but I don't put out on the first date unless I really just want the guy. Sex makes things complicated. I sound so self righteous, oh look at me I don't put out on the first date, blah, blah. But hey, Fandral, buddy, pal, not tonight.

"Never." And there does my drink. Oops. I should have waited for the mystery pub garbage being produced behind closed doors.

"Do you need another?"

"No. Please don't. If you can't tell I'm pretty lush as it is. I don't take kindly to spirits and this empty stomach was a mistake." NO REGRETS! But with my luck the most sawed up and thrown together piece of meat stuffed into bread and slathered in sauces I don't want to think about, with a side of oily potatoes arrives at our table. I don't want to try it. Nope. Ew. Not going down.

"I forgot to ask if you like meat." He smiles another one of those "Oh I play the guy you can take home to your folks but really I want to fuck you dry" smiles. A euphemism. I get it!

"I do. But I'm not sure what this is." I poke at the hamburger and it hisses juices at me.

"It's cow and it's delicious." He bites into it and doesn't die. Well I guess. I haven't eaten since noon right? Yeah. Right. I pick up the thing and take one bite.

Oh. My. God. It tastes like I'm getting blown by that cute Thor I had a dream about once on a fluffy cloud while a dude with a fucking harp plays in the background. This is the greatest thing ever. Fucking Fandral, I doubted your sketchy sketch-ness but I like you and I like this place. Nothing could possibly go wrong.


	10. Fights Part 1

**Authors Note: Thank you for all for the lovely reviews. I'm sorry if I don't reply to most of them. Enjoy the chapter I wrote when I should have been reviewing math. I DO WHAT I WANT**

ooo

Sobering up is the more eventful part of the evening. Within a good two hour period of dining and your typical meet and grope, we both could function enough to leave Njord's bar. Being the sly yet dashing and over romantic type, Fandral paid for everything and held my hand as we walked out the door together. The summer breeze stings a little as we exit, not being used to the late night cold, the preview of the fall to come. I should have really brought a jacket.

He leads me to his luxurious undisturbed car, though I hope he'll hold the door open like he did but instead he pushes me up against the window, pinning me there between the hunk of metal and his massive (well built, don't forget well built) body. He leans in for another one of his wonderful kisses and I accept it, It's passionate and more friendly than ever. We fight as if warriors for who is in control, though with the friendly grinding of his hips, he begins winning. With a quick grope of areas going unmentioned, I can't help but moan, opening my mouth just enough for him to fit his damned tongue in. He tastes of ale and meat, oh and there a hint of mint in there too. It's wonderful and breathtaking; a breath of fresh air. I like every moment of it, including the tickle of his silly beard across my chin and all the implications this brings.

He ends it first and simply touches foreheads. He smiles from ear to ear.

"I'd being lying if I didn't say I wanted you. You're... You're amazing. Everything about you. I like you." I feel a smile tug on my lips.

"I like you too, Robin Hood."

"You keep calling me that and I have no idea why but I fucking love it," He lowers his eyes back to my lips and stroke my cheek with the pad of his thumb. His blue eyes are rimmed with black lust, pupils dilated "I want to take you home." Oh... Well here comes the awkward part. I don't want to sleep with you. Not yet. I don't put out without making wise choices first, I learned that the hard way. My absolute, unshakable rule is to never fuck a guy in my house when I have my children or when they need me for any reason. Nothing is more of a turnoff when you're in the heat of the moment and you over to see an innocent face trying to understand why mommy is playing naked wrestling with the neighbor. And it's even worse when I know that I need to be home for them, not getting excited for a guy is a major blow to his ego.

"I don't mean to be a bother but I'd like to wait. Perhaps a better weekend. Don't get me wrong I like this and I like you but I have some responsibilities at home." Kids; the ultimate cockblock. Though Odinson volunteered his services for late night watching, I don't want to see his smug face as I limp in through the front door. A year and a half of forced sexual exile is not worth pleasing him.

"Oh. Well. I understand and respect your wishes." He looks a little deflated but smiles yet again. He bows a little at his waist and kisses my hand. Wow, well I respect him more for not pushing it.

ooo

He pulls up in the drive way after a light conversational drive. We make plans for next Friday to go out once more for a walk or something. I respect him for all of this though I had my doubts, lover boy is actually very pleasant to be around. Though horny and corny, I can look passed it. He doesn't push for another sloppy make out session or tries to grope at my inner thigh. He simply leans in after turning off the car and kisses me sweetly. A perfect good night kiss.

He breaks it off to whisper against my lips,

"I don't want to leave your side but I will do so only in hope that we meet again soon."

"I'm sure we will. Good night, Fandral."

"Good night, Loki." I mess around with the door handle, every cars door handle is different which makes things frustrating. I manage to open it and stumble out into the yard, though when I get to walking after closing the door I have a spring in my step. I move to the dangerous porch to watch him leave before heading inside. The air here is heavier, like the electricity before a storm was in patches. I surely didn't read about it raining tonight in the little nobody paper at work but things change I suppose.

The door opens behind me and I see the godly form of Odinson in a not so godly outfit (sweats and a white shirt.) Though I have a better look at those abs from how snug that shirt fits him, it's his disgruntled face I pay more attention to. He is tense and not the jolly flesh mountain he usually is. There is something troubling him and if it's my children I'm going to scream.

"Good evening. Did something go wrong?"

"Everything was fine." He grunts. He's looking in my direction but his eyes are scanning for something. Whatever it is his eyes latch on to it and follow before pushing me out of the way to get to it. It's Jane who he is after, in her white van coming home way late at night. This time I don't think he will greet her with his tongue down her throat. This demigod is prepping for a fight of the verbal verity. Though if looks could kill, I'm sure petite Ms. Foster would be dead. I head inside as a thunder cloud begins to crack off in the distance. Though I love to see perfection shake its foundations and topple down, it's rather rude to watch.

I shake it off and gather myself for bed. Though the Oaf left some things in my house, I'm sure I'll see him bright and early tomorrow begging for them back and wanting to know all about my date. The boys are upstairs, I check Sleipnir only to kill two birds with one stone. Fenrir is curled up around his brother, while Sleipnir drapes one arm around his sibling in a protective manor. It is to say the least positively adorable. I close the door and head down the hall to my room. I check my phone while slipping out of date cloths. Nothing. So I put on pants and my favorite robe. I wonder if Fa-

"GOD DAMN IT, JANE! WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN?" Oh shit! The deep cry of war is a twisted variation of Odinson's voice. It is unmistakably his, in a bowel-leaking-crying- uncontrollably sort of way. Look, I know it is healthy for couples to fight. I've lived off of it for years but this, this is not fighting. This is a screaming match. This is not healthy.

"IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! I HAVE A JOB, THOR! A JOB I LOVE! YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TO ME!" Not so angelic anymore. Oh no, she sounds like a harpy ready to gouge eyes out. This is all about astronomy? Seriously? I now realize why I can hear this; my window has been left open for hours, most likely since I took my pre-date bath. If I feel any shame for listening in on these two love birds screeching at one another, it doesn't hit me just yet. Why not sit back and enjoy a show?

"I just want to spend time with you! I miss you." He lowers his tone though he still sounds like some hellish beast sent to destroy everything in its path.

"We spend time together. Plenty of it too." She shouts. I imagine her in her attention grabbing cloths, playing the part of the evil queen, stealing the hero's heart, poised and ready to destroy it.

"No we don't! We're getting married soon, if you haven't already forgotten. I don't want this to be us! For me to wait for you to make an appearance every so often. Your job is not you!" He sounds wounded to the core. The lady Jane must have already stabbed his beast sized heart. A thunder cloud gives him support as it grows closer and closer, making things harder to hear. How odd is it that when the Son of Odin gets angry, storms appear. Am I disillusioned by all these Asgardian references or just plain stupid?

"Oh shut up! Just stop talking! One week! One damn week is what you're complaining about! It won't always be like this, especially when you keep bringing up having kids." Ohhh I was right. I was so right. She is a god awful bitch. Damn Th-Odinson you really deserve better. And that's when the room lights up when lighting strikes the ground not far from where I'm watching.

There is some more screaming but I can't tell what is being said. The bitch has reverted back to her native tongue, and though I spent an evening listening to light pop tunes from America, these words sounds nothing like I listened too. They're nasty and filled with spite. At some point I do pick up that she says my name but Odinson responds with a roar. I don't know if he's defending me or angered she would bring me into this.

"I Love-." **BOOM!** Even though he is screaming I can't hear them. The thunder cloud is too close. The show is over but things have definatly changed; I have a chance with him.

Though my situation has shifted the fight goes on for a little bit longer, though I can't hear anything. I go to close the window in case rain decides to accompany this odd weather we're having. Though as I try to shake it loose, someone slams a door and huffs out into the storm and from my location they sure as hell can see me. Fuck. My. Life. I try to get away though it is already too late and I hear someone making their way over to my porch. I pray to whatever gods are out there, who ever saw me falls through my porch before they can kill me.

**BANGBANGBANG!**

No. I'm not lucky, I'm not favored. However I am royally fucked. I run to meet my fate. If Jane is looking for a fight, I'm ready. If Odinson is here to fight, well then, I have a will somewhere. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I'm not ready. Don't kill me.

I open the door and Odinson enters, looking like a fucking psychopath. He has his upper lip curled, ready to snarl and tear at my jugular. His eyes are wild, as if they captured the lighting outside and are now sending bolts of them into my body. His breathing is hard as he prepares himself for a battle. The energy to smite the weak is pouring from his body in terrifying waves. This... Him... He... I'm terrified. I really am.

"T-Thor..?" I whimper out as he stands there with the same look of wanting to bash my brains in. He growls something I can't make out but I don't run. Oh god. Anyone! Something? I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I can't think of anything to do or any way to escape, so I give in to my first instinct; I throw my arms around his neck, pulling him down and close to me. A motherly embrace.

"I-I heard what happened. I'm sorry. You're right though. She should want to spend more time with you, not at work. I know you're angry. I would be if I were you but please don't be angry at me. I'm a friend. I care about you." I use the softest voice that can be heard over the waves of thunder. He is like hugging a hyperventilating slab of stone. I take this opportunity to carry out one of my last wishes before being slaughtered out of rage; I twist my fingers in those golden locks. It feels like petting a fluffy puppy. I stroke those locks like I do when my boys are upset.

"I'm so sorry. Please talk to me. I'm worried." I plead. He turns to putty in my arms with every stroke of his scalp. He buries his face into my neck and nuzzles the skin and his arms pull me into another spine crunching hug. His lips touch across the sensitive area between my ear lobe and neck and it almost cripples me more than his hugs. It feels a thousand times better than any form of Fandral kisses.

"I'm sorry. I never asked you about your date," He whispers. His voices sounds like it aches. Understandable after what I just heard. But this means keep kissing. No voice needed for that. "I'm so sorry, Loki." My stomach churns with delight and relief that he has yet to kill me.

"Come. Let us sit and talk things out." I chuckle as we begin to shuffle. He refuses to let go of me and I keep my arms around him, as he leads me back and onto the plush yellow couch. I sit first and expect him to sit next to me like an adult. Oh no. He sprawls out on my couch and lays with his head in my lap. He is no longer a murderous giant, but a sad child I adopted somewhere down the road.

"Please tell me. I'm sorry I didn't ask. I really am." I silence him with a finger to his warm lips.

"No. It's understandable. You had other things to attend to. It was great. I had a great time and I like him a lot. We have another date next Friday." He smiles at that as I stroke his cheek. He purrs. He literally purrs like a cat.

"You looked great tonight and happy. I hope he makes you happy, you deserve it. If he hurts you in any way tell me." Overprotective Odinson. Once again being the protector against all other males.

"I know. May I ask you something?" I have his head in my god damn lap. I'm pretty sure there is no better time than now to ask personal questions.

"Sure."

"Why are you so protective of me? We met not too long ago. These looks you give my ex, they interest me. Why so protective?" He seems to soak it in, let the giant cogs in his massive skull turn a little before answering.

"I do it because I care. I like your family. Your boys are like my sons and you are like my brother," Ouch. I think I've just been brozoned... "I care because every time that fucker shows up you look like you want to die and I hate that. I hate him for what he does to you." I... There are no words to describe how I feel. Oh wonderful Thor. You have earned my respect for the evening.

"Thor..." My voice cracks a little. I can't help it.

"Loki, you don't have to say anything. Just know that if he kisses you again, I'm not accountable for my actions." _Hehe_

"I won't complain." Everything has grown silent. Whatever storm that existed before had now moved to another part of Norway. I continue to stroke his face while he looks at me with those sad eyes. He is lonely. It's why he fought so hard with Jane, it's why he watches my kids, it's why he is in my lap right now.

"I understand how lonely you are. My whole life has been nothing but isolation. If you ever need someone to talk to or just a hug, I'm here for you." I blurt my little speech out before I can think it through. I'm usually better than this but I have a demigod perched by my cock and he's looking up at me with the most trusting eyes. I-Is that... love in there too? My mind doesn't compute how this came to be.

"I have a favor to ask of you."

"Oh?" I raise an eyebrow. This could get interesting.

"Jane... Kicked me out for the night. Would you mind if I stayed here? If not I can drive somewhere." He sounds and looks like a kicked puppy. I suppose I can handle having him here over night.

"You may stay here. Er. I have a spare room at the moment though the bed is child sized. You could actually take my bed. I can sleep on the couch or in Fenrir's room." It will be fucking miserable but I'd do it. I don't add that part but he seems to pick up on it.

"I can't take your bed. I can sleep on the floor."

"You are my guest. You may have it. The couch is perfectly fine for me. I've slept here before." He bites his perfect lips as he sits up. Concern riddles his handsome face.

"I have an idea. I'm okay with it. I hope you don't find it weird."

"What?"

"We could share your bed. That is if it is big enough." All of the blood in my body surges right to my dick. Good lord. I can't. Oh no. Oh no. Don't say anything. Don't say anything. Fandral. Think of Fandral.

"Yes."

ooo

After a quick stunt in the getting my brains together department, I show him my room which he deems suitable. He's a guy who likes to sleep naked which instantly sends another rush to my already aching dick. But he promises he'll sleep in his cloths to not make things awkward. Oh nothing is awkward here. Nothing at all. There is no polite way to say "I need to jerk off." I'm not going to. Oh I wouldn't dare but the ache I'll feel is going to kill me.

He flops down and buries self under the yellow covers, only poking his head out to smile at me. I turn off the lights and try to make it into bed. Though dark I can make out where I need to go. I make it to my soft corner and slide on, hoping he won't touch me.

"I hope Fandral won't be jealous." I whisper, pulling the covers up and over me. I haven't slept next to another man in awhile. Though I don't do much in my sleep, I'm know to laugh on occasions.

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him." He laughs in a way that is muffled but still shakes the bed. Oh poor Fandral. If he ever found out about this he would be heartbroken. Not only for the fact that it sounds like we fucked but it sounds like I fucked his best friend when I rejected him.

"Good night, Thor." I turn to look at the mound beside me. Thor is watching me with those delectable electric eyes of his. He leans over so our faces almost touch... And he leans in and kisses the corner of my mouth.

"Good night, Loki. Sleep well." He pulls away from me all too quickly and collapses on a pillow. It only takes a second for him to fall into a deep slumber. The demigod had exhausted himself through such heartache and turmoil, he deserves a good rest. It's my turn next though all I want to do is stare at him all night.

ooo

**AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HHHHHHHOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

I don't know what fucking time it is, I don't know what is happening but my blood pressure has never been higher. What is this? What's happening?

Oh god. It's Thor. Thor is making ungodly noises in his sleep. It sounds like something is caught in his mighty mug and he is just throwing it back up through his nose. What have I done to myself? Jane Foster, oh bless her heart. She must wear some form of ear plugs or is skilled in the art of tuning things out. Maybe she really is meant for him if she can put up with his insufferable nocturnal behavior and wants to marry him.

He slobbers and repositions himself to grope around, finding my stomach a suitable thing to grab and pull into a spooning position. He buries his mug into my neck once again and whispers nonsensical things about apples and magical hands while massaging my chest. He radiates more thermal heat than a thousand suns and all I can do is squirm in hope of gaining some cool breeze

…... And I can feel a certain someones package poking up against my ass.

…... Whatever dream he must be having, it must the be wonderful. Is that a cell phone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Shall I chop your morning wood? Enough erection jokes, this is the most awkward situation I have ever been in in my entire sleeping history.

Needless to say I quit moving. There is nothing I can do but lay there and take it (oh a person with their mind in the gutter might take that the wrong way.) He seems big, though one can't really tell when it comes to spooning. How many times have I imagined seeing what's in the jolly Oafs trousers during boring hours of the day and heated nights alone. This wasn't exactly how I pictured my first contact with his dick. This wasn't romantic or sexy, though the spooning is nice so long if he stops snoring and continues keeping his drool to himself. All I can hope is that time passes enough to where it goes down or I fall asleep.

ooo

"THOR! THOR! THOR! OH MY GOD THOR!" Why is that everything I've woken up to recently is loud noise? Before I can register what is going on, Fenrir pounces onto my face to get at his beloved Thor. Elbows and knees to my sensitive face; it's like school all over again.

"Thor! Why didn't you tell us you were spending the night? You could have slept in my room and with me!" Fenrir wiggles in Thor's massive arms and slips in between us, finally separating us from the weird early morning spooning session. Thank you, Fenrir, though you intercepted a few hours too late.

"It was a surprise. Your mother was so kind to let me stay here. Maybe next time I'll stay in your room." Thor smiles. Apparently his giddiness begins first thing in the morning. He snuggles little Fen in his massive arms and they rub cheeks like cats.

"Promise?"

"I promise." Oh that's just sickeningly cute. My dead heart skips a beat or two as I watch them love on one another. Though that quickly ends when I see Sleipnir at the foot of my bed looking as if he had just seen a rabbit thrown into a wood chipper. His curled raven hair stands on edge and his gray eyes are wide with horror.

"Sleipnir, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I coo and shimmy out of bed, allowing my legs to warm up to waking. He pulls me into the bathroom and gropes at my shoulders.

"M-Mom... D-Did you... You know... Have... You know... S-e-x w-with T-Thor?" Oh... And that is why I don't bring men home and I know don't let neighbors share a bed with me. Sleipnir isn't naïve like his brother. If he heard anything, he would know what was going on.

"Of course not. Thor is engaged and I have a man I am seeing. He needed somewhere to sleep after a fight last night." He looks me in the eyes and searches for any hint at a lie. Seeing none he looks relieved.

"Don't ever worry about that, alright?"

"Alright." He smiles a little and leaves me to greet our neighbor who is recounting a military tale of attention gripping action to Fenrir. Sleipnir perches on the bed, just getting into it after shaking off his childish dilemma. For a brief moment I imagine us as a family, being the one engaged to Thor while I serve him his morning coffee while he bounces Fenrir on one knee and Sleipnir kisses his cheek as he gets ready for school. Oddly enough it is fitting... And secretly it becomes one of my darkest desires.

"Loki, will you make me some coffee?" Thor pleads after finishing his regaling tale. His caffeine addiction striking at the right time. I've never been a coffee person and I never will be.

"I only have instant coffee. And that might be stale." He looks ready to fall to pieces.

"N-No coffee?"

"I said I had instant coffee-."

"It's not the same. I'm going to buy you a coffee maker and real coffee."

"Thanks but that is too generous of you." I have no idea what I will use it for but maybe if he stays here, it will be used.

"And pancakes. Boys I am going to make us pancakes with chocolate chips in the middle of them." He boasts with a puffed out chest. Fenrir goes crazy for a moment, consumed in chocolate lust while his older brother just smiles and hugs onto Thor. I should keep him around at all times except for in the night. Or perhaps we should just have split rooms.


	11. Down To Earth

**Authors note: I will be gone for the next few days so I thought a chapter should suffice in my absence. It's a tad bit filler with more Thorki but next one should have smut. I have a feeling my dear readers have been deprived of it **

Thor is calmer now that he has his caffeine fix. He went to such great lengths to avoid the instant coffee that I'm pretty sure he would die for a cup of genuine coffee. He brought me the gift of a chrome coffee maker, now spewing its contents into a pot while Thor sets up his cooking station. The maker is a gleaming candle in a yellow mine; it sticks out and clashes horribly. I tried to protest when he brought it in with the groceries but he gave me that kicked puppy look, saying,

"I want to give you nice things. I will use it every time I'm over." Needless to say he had his way and I hope he uses it. He also bought us enough groceries to feed several other families, using the boys as pack mules to carry the things back from the store while I laid at home consoling via text a distraught Fandral. He hadn't heard from me after our date and assumed the worst. If he only knew what I had been through, how I feel now.

Fenrir helps Thor tie a frilly yellow apron that he found in the linen closet around his massive waist. Oh lovely. Thor is such a good sport for wearing something that looks like an obese grandmother would wear while handing out cookies to grandchildren. Oh I am so using this as black mail if this fabulous son of Odin rubs me the wrong way. He grins over at me as I snap a picture with my cell phone. He doesn't put up a fight but simply gets to work.

I love a man who can cook. My ex didn't know how or he refused to learn anything he couldn't get out of a can or package. He simply knew how to make coffee and toast, which he happily lived off of (besides the occasional scotch) until he wrangled me into living with him. I had to make every meal and I've never been good at cooking. Thanks to cook books though, I've managed to keep my family happy when it comes to what is on their plate. I slave over food so when I meet a man willing to do the work for me I can't help but smile. I wonder if Fandral cooks?

I go to take a sip of my morning cup of tea but have a meaty hand block the cup from my lips. He rips it out of my hand before I can protest and dumps the contents into the sink, pouring me hot black liquid beans instead. What the fuck?

"Thor, damn you! I don't drink coffee."

"You've never had the right kind. I will fix you an excellent cup and you're going to love it." He works those giant paws, mixing in fresh milk and sugar into the mix. He's trying to do the impossible really. I fucking hate coffee. I always have. Laufey tried to get me to drink it when I was thirteen but I always spit it back up. The awful acidic bitterness burns my insides. I like my peppermint tea, I still get the caffeine but I have healthier insides than a demigod. He sets it down by me with a newspaper he picked up. Oh reverse spousal roles. Smashing!

Fenrir dances around the table with a plate, ready for when Thor gives the call of eggs being ready to be served. He bounces from foot to foot in anticipation. Right now I'm a little concerned about his health; he may just explode with joy if he's exposed to any more excitement. As for his brother, not so much. Sleipnir sets the table as he does every morning. We started the tradition when he was able to toddle from chair to chair. He wanted to help his poor mommy so I gave him this job and have never asked him to do so since. It is his job and he knows it. When done he sits down with a book from the library on the history of horse calvary and sips a glass of milk. He is the apple of his fathers eye.

I skim this tiny newspaper while I humor my massive guest by sipping occasionally on the sweet mixture. Though he attempted to mask the taste of coffee, it is still coffee and coffee is awful. It tastes like battery acid covered in sweetener. Yuck!

This place really is a small town. The only things this paper consists of is a local psychics horoscope section, the weather and the fucked up storm from last night, and "Meat Sale Monday!" Compared to Oslo this place is heaven. Rape, suicide, murder, gangs, drug cartels, prostitution, robbery, and violence is in every reading. It is a giant void you can't escape. A void that dehumanizes you to the point of not caring. I knew I needed out when I thought after reading about a small girl raped and strangled to death outside the city, "Wasn't one of my boys." If all they have to deal with is odd weather and a sale at the butcher shop than I don't mind staying here forever.

Fenrir delivers a glorious plate of eggs. Thor must have used at least two dozen to concoct a mix of scrambled, fried, and sunny side up eggs to consume. He smiles while drinking more coffee.

"I didn't know what everyone liked so I made the perfect three for breakfast."

"Thor, this is too much. Really you don't have to do any of this."

"You keep saying that. I love you all. I want to do this for you and I want you to have nice things. Now eat. My mother would say you look like you need an extra helping." He winks one of those eyes and gets back to work. Damn you.

ooo

Layers of plates lay in a bizarre pyramid on the yellow table. Bacon, sausage, potatoes, coffee, milk, and freshly squeezed orange juice all consumed by two mild eaters and a giant with its growing giantling. Fenrir finally admits defeat by crawling away to a soft spot to nurse his swollen stomach. Sleipnir follows him though he walks with his nose buried deep into the book from earlier and narrowly avoids hitting a wall or two on the way out. As for myself, a nap sounds lovely after the disturbing night I had though taking care of the great pyramid of Thorenkamen comes first.

"A tidy home is what really impresses people. It matters more than anything." Laufey used to tell me. Never once in my life have I ever seen him personally clean any part of his luxurious home though he is quick to criticize my home. One of the more painful moments of my self induced exile from my fathers domain was when he strolled into my tiny apartment I had managed to fund through two jobs and looked at me in disgust, walking out without saying another word because I had left dishes in the sink. Though hypocritical it has always stuck with me.

I handle each dish carefully while Thor lounges like a true man; sure he will cook but god damn those dishes are not his thing. I work the rusted yellow faucet to poor out lukewarm water. It's not my favorite chore but if I have someone to talk to it's not so bad.

"Are you going to speak with Jane?" I don't mean for it to sound like I want him to leave. The only time I want him to leave is so I can get some sleep.

"If she doesn't do first. She is usually the first to forgive." He sounds drained. I look over my shoulder to see him bent over his coffee. I can only assume that he has that deep "neanderthal first thought" look on his face.

"And how do you feel about it?"

"I want her to be happy and I also want to be with her. Loki, I really think she is the one. We've made it this far and the wedding isn't too far away. She's a strong independent woman but her interests hold her back. Her job pulls her away from me and even when I have her to myself I know she is somewhere else." While he speaks I work my dish washing magic. Oh you poor darling. I hope she it's only the stars that keep her there. Oh no.

A thought occurs that steams from my brain and travels down before dropping like lead into my stomach. What if she is cheating on him? I don't see why she would but people have surprised me before. I do fancy him and it slightly irks me how quickly I can throw away Fandral. Many people want Thor so why wouldn't she? Is it the snoring? The child like behavior? The poor eating habits? Or is his enticed by her and Thor is just her personal bank account? Or perhaps she has the lovely trait of fucking to the top of the chain but still wanting more? She could do it and get away with it. Thor isn't a genius, though despite my teasing he does have a brain. She will break you, Thor.

I can't help but feel... enraged. How dare she throw something so precious away! I don't know if she is but if, and that is a pretty big if, she is than I will end her. Ouch.

Apparently I've let my hands soak in the scorching water for too long. Burnt hands with poisonous thoughts mix as I let the thing I once cared about be. Before I can stop myself I begin forming a dangerous idea. One so masterfully crafted with the flick of my tongue. It floats and takes hold of the demigod bent over his coffee. He drinks it down like his precious drink before I can even take it back.

"If she really is the one, why doesn't she want to be with you?" Doubt; it's a powerful and consuming poison. He takes it in and lets out the first raspy reply as it runs through his mighty veins. Have I broken him? Have I tainted what is pure?

"I-I don't know... I really don't know." I turn from the soaking dishes to apologize and hold him like last night but a knock at the door tears me away from him.

"Excuse me. I'll be right back." I murmurer while drying my hands on the nearest towel. The malicious part of me is beaming while my rational kicks in. This will come back to haunt me somehow, it always does. I unlatch the door to find my favorite woman in all of the World before me; Jane Foster.

"I don't mean to bother you but is Thor around?" Her voice cracks when she says the "T" word. She looks like shit; puffy red eyes, makeup less, distraught, and grubby. She reminds me of a fallen angel. Even with my miniature victory, I know I've looked much worse. I have yet to pity her as well. Shall I lie and say he isn't here or unleash hell until she confesses her sins?

"He is." I try to control my tone. And when I say try, I give little to no effort.

"May I speak with him?" Oh I bet you want to speak with him. He doesn't want to talk to you, you ungrateful bitch. You come crawling back to him when he doesn't deserve a woman like you. You are the scum b-.

Thor pushes me out of the way. This seems all too familiar. His face is unreadable as he leans in for a greeting kiss. It isn't passionate or face fucking as I've seen them do. The kiss is simply a way to make up for what happened between them. She breaks it off as tears stain her face.

"Oh Thor, I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. You matter more than anything." And I am going to vomit from frustration. I might do so all over her to get my point across. I hate her and he just takes her back in his arms like it is nothing. I hope I changed something! I hope he sees through her and finds some fault to her that tears them apart. But than again I am simply a brother to him. Without her I don't see him swinging my way. This constant whiplash between affection and friendship is maddening. I want him but I will settle for second best, since second best is interested.

I walk away before I see too much. There are dishes that need to be washing and I should probably wipe down that new coffee maker and the table. I have other things to do while I let them settle.

ooo

They leave after an hour of talking. I would never have noticed if Thor didn't grab me in a thank you hug for being the "Best brother ever by letting him stay here and being such a great pal." The best. I come to terms with this though as he walks out the door I see that look in his eyes. One that is filled with the poison of my words. I hope it burns him slowly.

I get back to cleaning. After all there are so many places to clean and more interesting things, like if Fandral likes coffee or tea, and if Edgar Allen Poe was the greatest astronomer ever. Very enthralling stuff right here. I will scrub these floors until my hands bleed and keep up my text battle between breaks.

ooo

When I sleep I dream of a rainbow bridge in the starry night. I try not to look over the edge though I can see there is nothingness under. That pit forms in my stomach. What if I were to fall? Where would I end up? I feel slightly sickened by the thought of plunging into the vacuum of space. I stick close to the middle though I don't know where I am going or what purpose I serve walking along this rainbow but long haired Thor stands in the way.

I open my mouth to say something but he picks me up by my night shirt and grunts in his murderous rage. He wants to kill me. I struggle with all the fight I have in me but he just takes it.

"Brother what have you done to me?" He growls and moves so we're both on the edge. He dangles me by my shirt over the edge. I can't talk. I can't scream.

"Your trickster ways will not be missed." I only struggle as he gives me one last look of hate before letting me fall into the darkness.

ooo

I wake up in a cold sweat, not entirely sure if I am for a moment. Yellow everything. I must be home. What the fuck was that? That was... intense... My god. _Pantpantpant _I swear if I see another rainbow I might not be able to put myself back together. Nightmares are torturous things. I decide tonight is a good night to crawl into bed with my darling Fenrir, who accepts me like an extra pillow. I fall back asleep and thankfully dream of nothing.

ooo

The next few days pass without any sign of Thor ever existing. I prefer it that way after the brozoning and the rainbow nightmare. I shutter a little as I pass by several drawings of rainbows pasted on the walls for others to see. This school house is quaint but a little confusing. Fenrir left me to my own devises as the bell rung, so here I am now, struggling to find the office for my appointment. The halls are narrow and bright, filled with drawings and announcements. This place reads happiness. This whole town is just a little piece of heaven.

A little boy with brown hair and brown eyes stumbles out of the bathroom. He has a Captain America shirt on and is pocketing an action figure when I almost run into him. The poor thing jumps and hides his prized toy behind his back.

"Sorry, Sir. I'll get back to class."

"No worries. Do you know where the principles office is located?" He looks terrified. He must think I'm turning him in. "Your secret is safe with me." He breaths out a little sigh.

"Right down the hall." He pockets his action figure and runs back to class. What a darling little fanboy. I can't help but laugh and wonder if this is Fenrir's "best friend." I head down the hall to find a small public office. A plush secretary with rosy cheeks and a warm smile greets me from her desk.

"Hello. Are you needing something, deary?" Deary? These people are too friendly.

"I have an appointment with Principle Hemidal." She smiles and points to the impressive carved door not too far away. It has a haunting glow to it, as if there is something behind closed doors you don't wish to see.

"Go right on in. He's expecting you." Go forth and be brave, Loki. There is no reason to fear a man who is in charge of a school. Even if his name is frightfully ironic. I push open the heavy door and go into a darkly lit room. It's only darkly lit due to the massive being blocking the window as he stares out into the court yard.

Principle Hemidal is an impressive man. Dark skinned, well dressed, well over six feet, possibly ranging in seven, he could surpass Thor in the height division. He turns with a too white smile, exposing his amber lit eyes. Once I look into them there is no going back. It's like a rodent entranced by a snake, I cannot break it off as he looks through me. He sees everything I've done and everything I will ever do. It's eerie to say the least.

"Mr. Laufeyson, Please sit down." He has a deep voice that sets you on the edge. I sit without much thought into a heavily used chair, with a spring that seems to have broken digging into my ass. It's not the only thing that is bothering me in this room.

"Thank you for seeing me, Mr. Hemidal. I was hoping to meet you before school started but plans change. I hope I'm not keeping you from anything." I managed to get the day off from work due to Astrid being in a good mood for once. She must have found another ugly cat sweater to wear.

"No. I do enjoy meeting parents outside of when a child misbehaves," He sits down and adjusts his thin glasses. "I've looked over your boys files and they seem to be extraordinary students. They should fit right in. We do offer counseling and several after school programs. I have a pamphlet if you're interested." I only set up these meetings to get a feel for who my children are around all day. I've done this with every school they've gone to and will continue until they reach University level. My boys are going to university even if I have to slave to pay for it. Svaðilfari and Laufey said they would help out as well. I know Svaðilfari already has an account set up for Sleipnir and he may or may not have one for Fenrir. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.

"I would like one very much. Are their teachers willing to set up meetings?"

"Frigga is very open about letting parents visit her class room. If you wish to meet with her after school, she usually is just in her class room. As for Sigyn, she is a little harder to get in contact with but she will help you out if you have any questions." His eyes burn for a moment before he breaks the trance by grabbing some papers and writing down numbers for me. Despite the overwhelming creepiness, I like him. People usually are not this helpful anyways.

"Thank you again."

"It is my pleasure, Mr. Laufeyson. I can tell you care about your children more than anything. Here at my school our staff treat the students as if they were our own. We help them grow academically into functional adults. My office is always open to you if you have any questions or concerns." Though harsh, unforgiving eyes rape you of your personal history, he drives a hard bargain. I like him enough to keep my children here and he's been very helpful.

"I will keep that in mind."


	12. An Incident With Fandral

**Authors Note: Dearest readers, you have made me cry from all of the lovely feedback. Seriously, I love you all. And I'll repay you with smut (though it may not be the kind that is desired and boy is first person sex hard to write.) I apologize if the last half of this makes no sense. I had a long night so I finished the chapter in the early hours of the morning. ^^" Enjoy my dear readers. **

ooo

To be honest I have never cared for sports. They don't interest me, even Svaðilfari's horse racing was a stretch. Somehow by some bad luck that I picked up at birth, I birthed two active sons. So I'm forced to spend my weekends and evenings watching and cheering for them while being bored out of my mind. Well that actually is a lie, I get a bit competitive. Sleipnir is a natural at running and it's always a joy to see him blow away the competition.

Anyways, Sleipnir's first practice of the season lines up perfectly with being off work, my second official date, and their eventual departure from my arms. So here I sit in the creaky bleachers watching him get ready for his first run. Fenrir is just outside of the track by a tall oak tree playing with his darling pal, Phil. Phil, as it turns out was the Captain America fan who I ran into at the school not too long ago. Upon seeing that I was Fenrir's parent, he saluted me and ran off to play "Capture the Nazi," with little Fen. Fenrir plays a mean Gestapo officer who will not crack under Captain Phil's interrogation.

Back to Sleipnir who posses at the start line of their mock race. His long legs he inherited ready for the take off but he controls himself. His face darkened with concentration on his breathing and what he wants to do. He wants to go for a quick start to put him in the lead, than to maintain a pace without being worn down, and to finally finish strong.

With a yell from the older man who I assume has to be the coach, they take off in a blur of confusion and legs. It is only when I see the dark curls pull out from the mass glob of children do I know where he is. He looks so beautiful as he propels himself ahead of everyone. When he runs it's as if he has several more legs attached to his body that you just can't see because of how fast he is moving. He moves with the grace and speed of the creatures he is obsessed with. It's amazing how he can turn something so simple into an art form.

ooo

I remember when he took his first steps. It was on a Thursday in March, though I really should I have written the date down at the time but I do remember what happened. I was walking home after a long shift at the dingy library when an old friend came to visit. He simply pushed me down onto the gravel yelling,

"WHORE." Before running off. Of course in the battle of flesh and gravel, gravel always wins. My wrist that I used to catch my frail body was torn and bloodied. The pain wasn't so bad but I couldn't walk home like this. I headed back to work where I knew a supply kit was and cleaned up my wrist, wrapping it in white bandage before heading home to my decrepit apartment.

At the time my babysitter was my next door neighbor; a widow with a troubled past and not much going on in her life. Sleipnir adored her and she treated him like the grandson she never had. When I walked in she greeted me with a wrinkly smile and some food. Sleipnir was balancing his long legs, trying to support his chubby little body. He grips desperately to the table and turns to see me. He's over excited when he hears the door close. Mama must be home.

And there I stand, nursing my wound. He looks so happy, with his giant smile and wild curls going off in every direction. But than he notices my hand and his gray eyes begin to tear up. He ignores the thing holding him up and in a bought of concern, he runs to me in four steps before almost toppling over. I catch him before he can fall and scoop him up in my arms. My babe had just walked for me! Oh lord I was so giddy.

"Sleipy sweetheart. Good job. Such a big boy!" I cheer though he grips my face in concern. I cover his pudgy cheeks in kisses though he squirms.

"Boo." I understand that he means my arm.

"Yes. Mama has a boo-boo but that doesn't matter. This wonderful boy has just earned some pudding for dinner."

ooo

He passes over the finish line, the first of his team mates to do so. I can't help but beam with pride, even if parents shoot me dirty looks for it. Their just sore because my kid kicks ass at running. In the corner of my eye I see Fenrir breaking his elaborate roleplay (apparently the officer is a double agent and is in love with Captain America. Such scandal,) to dance and cheer. Sleipnir keeps running but slows the pace where he can walk without hurting himself. He gives Fenrir a smile and myself a wave before disappearing for the water I packed for him.

The rest of practice is boring. They run some laps and do some drills before finally grouping back together for a talk. To be honest Fenrir and Phil make a more interesting duo than any of this. Their story has gotten to the point where they are now going off to kill Hitler after breaking up and getting married several times. It's really too fucking cute for words.

After they are allowed to leave, Sleipnir comes back to us. I stand and somehow make it out of the bleachers without dying (though my legs protest up a storm.) Phil salutes everyone before running off to go with his older sibling who appears to be a team mate of Sleipnir. At least Fenrir will have a pal to play with during events. Sleipnir is soaked in his own sweat but looks too happy to care.

"Good job out there." I smile and pat his wet back. He grunts in response. So very much like his father in that once he's tired he doesn't want to talk. We all begin walking towards the house. It's a good thing I had the boys pack their things early this morning, they both look like they're going to pass out on the ride home. Fenrir is so tired from his complex relationship that he is silent for once. So I simply grope for little hands and enjoy the quiet.

The red and gray blobs in the distance are comforting to my poor legs. I've been running around all day and now I have to go on a walk with Fandral, if that is all he wants to do anyways. He was very handsy at lunch today so things could get wild. I'm up for it so long as it stops the flood gate of bitter loneliness that comes from these Fridays. I let out a soft sigh as I see a green truck that breaks my concentration. Svaðilfari is early as usual but he appears to have company.

A familiar mass of blonde hair is leaning against the window of his truck. Oh no. Mr. Businessman is talking to the guy he hates with a fiery passion. Surprisingly as we approach Svaðilfari still has a face and Thor isn't covered in the blood of his enemy (if enemy is a good word for just a guy he hates because he cares about my mental well being. Though he is still in my life so it's not very affective.) Thor smiles as we approach and the kids decide to run for hugs from him first. Interesting. Svaðilfari waits patiently for their attention though as Thor finishes he speech,

"Coppenhagen 97' was amazing stuff. Wow. I'm just a big fan. Hello boys. How was school and practice?" My god. Did he really just say that? Not long ago I remember mentioning my ex's fame and he responded from that air headed stare of his. Now this? Perhaps I don't know Thor Odinson as well as I once believed I did.

"Practice was good. I need to train more."

"I had fun. Your mama is a great teacher. Phil and I are married." The boys report and Odinson smiles, holding them both in a bear hug before letting them go to their real father.

"Sounds good. I wish you invited me to the wedding," He booms with laughter and pats Svaðilfari's shoulder in a friendly manner. "Your boys are great."

"Thank you." His lips perk up in an attempt at a smile. He is cold only because he doesn't know how to handle fans. It's not because he doesn't care, it's because he doesn't know how to react to their affection. I've been out with him before where people have approached us for a picture or an autograph, he would always take the time to give it to them but wouldn't do it with a smile on his face.

"Boys go get your things. No need to keep your father waiting." I try to smile as I finally feel the tension ripple in the air. Though Thor is lying, he gives himself away by the hatred he gives off. Leaving the adults alone might have been the worst mistake I've made all evening.

"It's nice to finally meet a boyfriend, darling." And then that happens. I can't control the color of my face.

"I-I'm not d-dating Thor. I have someone else- I mean I'm dating someone else but he's just my neighbor." Smooth as fuck, Loki. What a way with words. Thor shakes it off by kissing my cheek. Which doesn't help the situation at all. And as far as I know, I still don't feel right about him being so close. The rainbow bridge nightmare still haunts me some nights.

"Loki is a great guy. I'd date him but he has a lucky fellow coming to sweep him off his feet tonight. We're more like brothers anyways and I'm engaged." He doesn't sound as overjoyed about that fact as he was before. Hmm. The plot thickens. Though oddly enough Svaðilfari doesn't seem jealous. He shouldn't after all we've been "divorced" for awhile now and he's been seeing some woman his step mother and Fenrir mentions in passing.

"Sorry. I didn't know." He smiles and pushes back his white locks while the boys load up into the car. Fenrir proceeds to drown out any other apologies and awkwardness that ensue and when everything is said and done, Thor and I stand alone watching them drive off into the sunset. At least he didn't try to kiss me this time.

"Since when have you been interested in horse racing?"

"My father used to take me as a teen. He followed them obsessively. I knew he seemed familiar and I've never had a chance to talk to him." He shrugs and begins heading home. Whatever he is, Thor is a terrible liar.

ooo

Robin Hood is a bit early than originally scheduled but I can pencil him in. I've done nothing but change and ponder earlier events up until the knocking on my door. He smiles his Fandral smile which showing off his companies forest green sweatshirt and jeans. Is he a walking billboard or just a whore for self promotion?

"I didn't know it was casual Friday." I smirk though I'm one to talk. A pair of jeans and a button up shirt isn't very fancy.

"Oh hush. I look good in this but you look even better." He leans in for another one of those breathtaking kisses of his. He still tastes like mint, perhaps he has an obsession with gum or he drinks mint tea too much. Maybe he brushes his teeth more than twice a day. It's nice despite the implication. With every brush of his lips across my own there is more incentive for me to spread my legs. I would fuck him, I have no reason not too unless he has some deformity or is rotten with disease. Not something pleasant to think about. I pull away first.

"Friendly tonight?" His eyes are half lidded already as he massages my cheek.

"I always am. Are you ready for the walk of a lifetime?" And surprisingly we're not going to fuck first. Fandral I know what drives you but you are a patient man. He is a prince charming type. Dapper, chivalrous, and kind.

"Lead the way, good sir." I step out, taking the time to lock the door despite the lack of crime here. With my luck, the .005 chance of a break-in occurring would happen in the first place I've really ever owned.

We link arms and begin to walk, the conversation light; most about the weather, work, and weekend plans. The nice thing about Fandral is that despite the lack of much in common, I'm comfortable just being with someone who isn't my children or shows up in my dreams to scare the piss out of me. Talking to him lifts a weight off of my shoulders that I've never noticed before. Talking about silly things is one giant distraction from the World.

This is our second official date, if you don't count that we see each other almost every day for lunch. I'm familiar with the poet now, which is better than most of my other relationships. Are we dating? I suppose so. I do like him and from the way he graces my mouth every five minutes with that tongue of his, I would hope he likes me too. It's not something we've really talked about, so I might as well ask.

"Fandral?" He pauses right underneath an apple tree swollen with fruit, needing to be picked.

"Yes?"

"Are we a couple?" He looks at me with the nervousness of a boy asking out his first crush.

"I think so. Unless you have a problem with that?" I don't. Odinson's off and on treatment makes me want to tear my hair out. I've already chosen second best anyways, so why not let him sit in doubt of his fiances worth while I date for the first time in years. Well actually that was a lie. My only issue is how he will react around my children. They already love Thor, I wonder how they will react to the obnoxious sweetheart I've been seeing.

"I only want you to meet my boys." He smiles that lovely pearly smile and cups my face, though I'm slightly taller than himself he always tries to act as if he's the taller one. Typical short guy.

"Can do. And I am extremely overjoyed to call you mine," I find the corners of my mouth pull into a smile. You'd be the first one to say that, new boyfriend. "If the boys are anything like I've heard and seen, than I know I'll love them. Little angels like their strong mother. You have the hardest job in the World. I want to be there to help."

"Thank you, Boyfriend. You've been too kind to me." I lean in for a kiss, though I miss Thor's for only a moment. The electricity that lacks is a little disappointing but there is still the warmth that pools deep down in the bottom of my stomach every time we touch.

"Not kind enough, in my opinion." He chuckles a little and brushes a hair back on my head.

"And your sweetness is killing me. Lets go back to my place. I have a new coffeemaker I need to test out on someone who actually enjoys the stuff."

ooo

We clash on my big yellow bed that I had shared with his best friend exactly one week ago. Though he'll never know it turns me on beyond to bring a guy back here for something more friendly than waking up to a hard on. We roll and twist, trying to see who ends up on top. He obviously didn't come here for the coffee.

He manages to hold me in place while crawling on my lap like an oversized child. He is the first to break away to remove that free advertising and manages to take off the cotton shirt in one move, exposing his chest. At first sight all I can say is "Damn." Not Thor monster size but nicely built. Mmm abs you could cut steel with. I love these small town boys and their bodies built by the gods.

"You must work out." Another seductive sentence blurted out by yours truly.

"The gym is a second home, next to by your side." Oh Fandral, the hopeless romantic even if he is half naked and on top of another man. I end his cute little smile with a grab of his shoulders, pulling him down into a rough kiss. Sex is only enjoyable if it is a battle and I fucking love winning. I get pleasure watching those pretty blue eyes roll in the back of his head with every movement of my hips against the growing bulge in those blue jeans. All the blood in my body moves to a certain area when he moans my name. Oh sweet gods, I want to see what more I can do.

"Off." I see him squirm, not understanding what I just said. His eyes widen a bit, obviously he is not used to being told what to do. Pity. Without a response, I do the next logical step; I throw him with all my weight onto the bed and straddle his hips. When I was fourteen I took a self defense class and the only time it's been useful is in the bedroom. The ex soldier looks dazed at what just happened; his training never kicked in after all which is a damn shame.

His confusion is a good sign to latch onto one of those taunt pink nipples and suck like a babe would. He gasps and stirs, another surge of heat rushes against my lower half. Oh baby has no one ever done this to you? I thumb the other while teasing the one in my mouth.

"L-Loki~." He mewls and grabs onto the bedsheets for support. It's almost like he might float off if I keep working on him. I casually look up from the tan pecs to see his bright red face as I lightly bite down. Whatever sanity he once had, my dear Fandral has lost it. He juts his hips, trying to get some sort of relief as he moans like a whore. Oh so sensitive.

"S-Stop. Please. I want you." _Sigh._ No fun. I lick all the way down to his navel, taking the time to lap at those beautiful abs. He tastes of salt and soap. It's a trend with these wonderfully built men to be completely hairless except for a small strip that runs down to his hip bone, that I happily trace with my tongue. I have to hold down his hips as I meet the button on his pants. I ignore the tent because he needs a lesson in patients. It's been awhile since I've been in control. Svaðilfari allowed it once or twice, kind of like letting me top him; It was more of a birthday gift than a thoughtful sharing of roles. The other one night stands and silly relationships before him allowed it more but Fandral is the funniest I can remember

Now that I can see he is getting too hot and bothered. So I kneed the tented area while working on his pants. Pants are the rubix cube of the bedroom but luckily his come off without him helping. Little stands between me and the ridged cock ready to go. I pull away to undress slowly. Agonizingly slow to make him wait some more. Though he doesn't seem to mind the show with those gazes. When completely nude, I crawl back onto his lap. He runs his lust drunk hands around the small of my back.

"God, You're beautiful." I take a second to digest his comment, while covering up the large scar on my stomach. He's either oblivious to it being there or finds me attractive all the same. God, I'm a fool. I should have kept on the shirt. There something in his eyes beneath the lust, perhaps it is admiration. Another interesting quality of his that his cock must be aching but he can still be sentimental.

"Thank you. Now the big question is do you have a condom?" He tries to scramble up a thought. It takes him half a minute to but he finally answers,

"N-No." I thought so. This may be problematic. Though I'm in the mood to go, I'd rather fuck than continue on with this elaborate four play. I do however carry a condom in my wallet because it's useful for times like these. Though I must shimmy back off the bed and search through the pile of cloths for my wallet just to see if it is still good. Remember when I said I hadn't gotten laid in awhile? Yes it's really been that long that I have to check if a condom is still good. A quick swipe and look at the colorful package and we're good by a few months.

"In the future you will buy me a box to keep in my room." He nods like it will hurry things along. He tries sitting up now that I'm so far away but I quickly push him back down and work on the small package (and I'm not talking about his dick.) I slip a finger into his boxer briefs and pull down, releasing the demon so to speak. Every dick is different and unique in veins, colors, and size. Fandral is slightly above average size and certainly average in girth. His head leaks white beads of pre-cum which is all too tantalizing to not lick off. With one quick stroke of my tongue, it disappears. Mmm salt. He tastes clean and oh the temptation to devour him. I'm a man on a mission after all.

I slide the life saving (or ending) bit of latex over his hot cock, rolling it down and making sure it fits snugly. A little bit of lube coats my fingers. It will do for now anyways. If Fandral wasn't sexually frustrated before, I'm sure he is now as I bend over him and begin working myself open. Men are interesting creatures when it comes to finger fucking yourself in front of them. They love the show and I get to be thoroughly prepared. The burn at the first insertion is a familiar pain. I let out a hiss and Fandral's jaw drops, while I adjust. Working it slowly until I'm ready for another and another, hitting that beautiful spot that makes me drool and my cock to strain.

"Loki! Oh fuck Loki! Please. Fuck me!" He begs, while I let out another moan while fucking myself in front of him. Now he is getting who is in control and the please is bonus. I let the fingers slip out. Ugh. Empty once again, just when it felt good but I promise myself it will be better soon. I shuffle to a good position, gripping him in one hand and locating my entrance in the other. I look into those long gone blue eyes as I lower myself onto him.

And there was nothing but red; red hot pain. Oh why? You can never be fully prepared for the real thing. Anal sex is masochism. I lower myself a little ("Nnn Fandral!") before raising myself up and back down in an agonizing dance upon a spear, searching for the right spot.

"Oh lord." He breaths while I try to get passed the shooting pain. Oh fuck he feels bigger than he looks. I ride him none the less, gripping his shoulders for support. His calloused hand grips my dick and squeezes, trying to work with the thrusts. I love a man with the decency to jerk me off.

Nnn oh gods. Oh lord. Sparks fly as he hits it. Oh again. Please. Again. Oh Thor. Oh Fandral. Oh fuck whatever your name is. Blonde man with the skilled hands and lovely cock. Things fly by as all that is heard is the slapping of flesh on flesh and the screams of two desperate men to get off. In one last violent jerk, I am set free.


	13. The Nightmare

**Authors Note: I must say I am rather amused with the new Followers emails. I'll check my inbox to find I have a new follower and it's the most amusing thing ever. I feel like a cult leader. I have become a cult leader at the church of Thorki! HAHAHA Enjoy some smut my lovelies.**

ooo

Mornings and nights with Fandral are much different than with Thor. For starters, when I wake up it is at a decent time and certainly not due to him sounding like he's choking on a leg of turkey he took to bed. He lightly snores with one arm wrapped around my waist. It certainly isn't the desperate cuddling (or rubbing his erection up against me,) it's actually pleasant. My ass aches, which is to be expected from last night. Actually the ache is more intense than normal; the whole imposed sex exile and regrowing of my backside into a tight paradise. I feel like a virgin all over again and I won't be moving for a long time so long as I can.

It's a good thing Fandral is still asleep, I can collect my thoughts about what occurred. It was fun and pleasureful, certainly not my best lay but was a memorable moment in my sexual history. He is cute, for a horrible poet, especially when his mouth is shut. He looks like a sleeping beauty in male form; his lips closed in a pink smile, eyelids closed showing off long lashes, and his hair tangled in obvious sex hair. He is darling. But I feel a pang of quilt. I prefer his buffer and slightly more intelligent friend to him.

What is wrong with me? I have a nice thing going. Sex, burgers, and poetry isn't bad at all but I crave a demigod who is engaged. Give it some time and I should give up my poisonous dream but for now I will act out of place and stare at my partner until he wakes up. I could stare at him for ages but I hear my phone buzz at the foot of the bed. God damn why didn't I remember to keep it out of my pockets. This is going to be a miserable trip.

I huff and try moving so as not to disturb my bed mate and hurt my sore behind any more. Shaking legs at being used for the first time and from the amount of lets call it exercise last night, making it hard to stay on my knees. I certainly hope he isn't into quickies, I'm way too wrecked to last like this. I bend over the bed, reaching in a last ditch effort to get to my forgotten cloths bellow. Ah-ha! I've got it and the silver little piece of technology reads a new message from Thor. I went to all this effort for this? I go lay down before daring to unlock the screen to see what he wants. Fandral places his hand around me once more as soon as I've settled and whimpers happily. Aww cute.

_One New Message From Thor: Heard u had fun last nite_

What? Did Fandral message him after I passed out? I know I was the first one to fall into a deep after sex sleep since I did most of the work. Is he really that vain? Would he honestly gloat to Thor of all people that I put out? We need to have a fine little chat, boyfriend to boyfriend about this bullshit.

_What do you mean? Who told you? _

I type and send that, ready to raise hell. Oh if Fandral is one to fuck and gloat we are over. This is private and the last person I'd ever want to know about what I do in bed (besides my kids) is Thor Odinson. My phone buzzes in my hands. Good. Now I will get my answer.

_U should close ur windows nite. I could hear u from my porch. _

_ Srry._

_ Beware Fany, He mean good but he likes sex 2 much_

Oh. My. Fucking. God. That stab to the gut of the horror of my actions. Whatever relief I had gained from getting laid has flown out the window (if that were an intended pun it was just tasteless.) By some awful god of comic relief, the window I once used to spy on my neighbors with is open all the way. I take the nearest pillow and try to smother myself with it to put an end to my shame. Another reason why I will never be able to look at him without flinching.

_Please Loki. Im srry. It was a bad joke_

I sigh and send him one last message before I attempt at ending my life.

_Stop. Thanks. It was fun. I will close my window next time._

__ooo

Breakfast is a quaint adventure in seeing how we function. I never wanted to exit the bed but when Fandral woke up it was the first thing he forced me to do. Though the kisses and hugs were used like treats for getting a skittish animal to do what you wish. And I am the skittish animal. He simply wears his pants and shirt while he decided I looked cute in only his sweatshirt. Yeah, adorable. I roll my eyes while trying to figure out the coffee machine. I don't have much to offer for breakfast so I fix him toast.

"You don't have to make me anything." He protests lightly though I see he's starving. It's not like I'm going to much effort to deliver him a piece of heated up bread and an already made blackened cup of liquid caffeine. If anything he should be peeved that I'm not putting effort into his breakfast. My ass aches with every movement and I'm happy with my tea. He attempts to make small talk, saying sweet things about myself as he likes to do but I just oblige him with a smile and a nod. He avoids the subject of last night either out of embarrassment or he doesn't find it suitable breakfast conversation.

"I'm sorry but I have an afternoon meeting to head to. Thor is pushing us to make business decisions on the weekend. Asshole." He chuckles while polishing off his cup of coffee. Excuses, excuses. I don't want him to leave but it gives me motivation to clean and pay bills. The exciting life of an adult.

"I understand. Would you like any more coffee before you go?" And please don't ask me to walk you to the door.

"No thank you. Walk me to the door?" Fuck. I struggle to stand. My legs shaking once again like a newborn calf. He's kind enough to help me to the door (and steals a few kisses along the way.)

"Last night was wonderful. We need to do this again soon."

"So long as I get to keep more of your cloths. Have fun with your meeting... Thing." He smiles a wonderful slightly coffee stained smile and kisses my forehead.

" Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now, Thus much let me avow- You are not wrong, who deem. That my days have been a dream; Yet, if Hope has flown away. In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none, Is it, therefore, the less gone? All that we see or seem. Is but a dream within a dream."

ooo

The rest of the weekend includes nothing but work and sleep. I nap like a cat in a sun spot, curled up in the sweatshirt for comfort. It smells like him; manly, with spices and expensive cologne. I pay my bills (which my measly paycheck covers and leaves a little extra for groceries.) I clean some more and stare at my phone before going back to sleep. The next thing I recall doing is answering the door for Svaðilfari who stood alone. I panicked a little, thinking the worst had come to my babies. If I had to run out at least I remembered to wear pants today.

"They're both asleep. I was wondering if you would help me carry them in." He smiles, appearing to be just as wary. He worked them hard.

"Of course." I follow him out to the sleeping brothers, both perched in the back seat, heads slumped on the window. I pick the lighter of the two. Little Fenrir stirs but falls back asleep. My first noticeable breath of the outside air is tangy with that electricity. It feels so familiar. Is Thor going to fight again?

"No neighbor boy to help out this time?" Svaðilfari whispers while holding his beloved son. There is a hint of amusement in his voice.

"No. Follow me." I've never wanted him in my house but beggars can't be choosers. He follows and I point out the room before going into Fenrir's. I gently lay him down on the small bed. Once he hits the bed he rolls up into his blankets and lets out a happy sigh. Oh my dear baby. Svaðilfari leaves with a pat on my shoulder after placing Sleipnir in bed, the kind of parting I don't mind. Tonight already seems like it might be interesting.

ooo

The burn is the best part as he rocks those giant hips, trying to stab deeper and deeper into my tight hole. Thor grunts in a mess of hair and sweat as he fucks like it's going out of style. The only thing I can do is bury my hot face into the cool pillow while he mercilessly holds me down and pounds away.

"Here you go, brother," He pants and keeps up his awful pace, "moaning like a whore beneath me. You love it. You love me" He pulls out and grips the head board of the bed, taking deep breaths while I try to think, to form words. The ache from the loss of his thick cock is too much. I shake, craving it again though I'm so close already.

He pulls back and in one quick bed breaking motion he enters me again and fucks faster and harder than I ever thought physically possible. He could break the Earth and I think I head the head board split in two. I can't take it. Oh whatever is out there have mercy. I finish all over myself while he seems not to notice. He focuses on getting off. In. Out. In. Out. Pounding at my prostate while I wither in ecstasy. He steadies himself by grabbing a handful of my blackened locks and pulling, lapping and biting at my neck while he cries,

"Mother... Mmm... Mom... Mama. Mom... Please... Mom. Please. Please. I'm so scared." I'm pulled away from being split in half by the hairier version of my next door neighbor to a pair of green eyes staring at me in the dark. Startled, my heart pounding like the sound of rain against my window (which I did close this time.) How long had Fenrir been here and when did this storm start? Storm? Oh yes that would explain everything. Dream Thor doesn't have mother issues and I feel wet in a spot where I shouldn't. I just cleaned these damn sheets!

"Mama." He whimpers. I shift, trying to face him without the awkward wet stain getting in the way. He looks at me, tears forming in his eyes while he desperately clings to a blanket he pulled off of his bed.

"Come here. Was it the storm?" He nods and climbs in while I place a pillow down by my stomach. I don't have to look at the clock to know it is some ungodly hour of the night. He gets situated with the help of his added blanket and a warm motherly hug.

"And a bad dream.." His green eyes are filled with anxiety and tears as a loud clap of thunder rolls in the sky. His grip tightens around my shoulders.

"Remember what I've said? We're safe inside. Nothing can hurt you while I'm here. What was your dream about?"

"Daddy said that he didn't love me anymore and Ironman stole Phil because he hates Captain America and wants Phil as his fan instead!" Oh the troubles of a young mind. To go back to a day where your nightmares contain comic book heroes stealing your best friend. As for Svaðilfari, he would never say such a thing. Fenrir is a son to him and he willingly pays child support for him as well.

" Svaðilfari loves you more than all of the horses in the World. He loves you more than me. As for silly Ironman, everyone knows that he has enough fans and he doesn't hate the Captain. You just had a silly dream." I nuzzle his little ear and play with those bright spikes of hair, going off in all directions due to sleep. His grip on my shoulders lessens as he pulls away from the irrationality of his dream.

"Yeah. You're right. I love you, mama."

"I love you more. Now relax and head off to sleep. You have school soon and I'm sure Phil will be there, happy and not kidnapped by Mr. Stark."

"You're silly." He yawns. "I guess I am too." I smile and kiss his forehead. The storm seems to calm just enough for Fenrir to fall back asleep, anxiety free and in a warm and loving embrace. I shift to look at the time when he is deep into it, glancing out the window. For a moment I think I see a blonde head of hair off in the distance, standing out in the rain.

ooo

I remember what occurred that night in bits and pieces. Some of it is an entire blur due to my lack of tolerance but I can give an educated guess as to what occurred. It was an evening out with some co-workers, two obnoxious females whose names escape me. They invited or rather cornered me after working a late night shift at the local mall (retail... Ugh. Never again,) since they heard I had a weekend without my "Oh my god I want several of them. So cute I could just eat you up" kid. I'd been clubbing before, just not as a single mother. So I put on my best hip for the time cloths and smile as they dragged me to a place in the heart of Oslo.

The girls went off somewhere, ditching me in a heartbeat to get on the giant dance floor. I was blown away at the mass gatherings of human beings willing to slut away their everyday problems for over priced drinks and a new music beat. They were all like me; young, probably working a shitty job, and wanting to forget troubles. Whether they were attractive, ugly, fat, thin, mild tempered, drunk, or just quiet, they all gathered for the same exact reason; contact. People need it. As a species we crave the time where we get together to fight, fuck, talk, dance, and just go out and be social.

I couldn't help but stand there and gawk at others. Is this really what people my age do? Is this what I've been missing? The bass pumps and blasts, sending shock waves through my veins. It's not bad music and it's not a bad place but I'm not as young as I thought. I was trapped in a daze until I lock eyes with a mysterious entity, eye fucking me from across the room.

I will always remember him for he was easily the most handsome man in all of Oslo. He radiates sex; flaming hair in short and even spikes, yellow eyes that blaze with passion, the strong nose of a viking warrior, and lips plump and covered in gloss. He is easily Thor's size, body and height wise and has a noticeable tattoo running all down his right side of what can only be described as an ancient tapestry of yggdrasil; the tree of life and the nine worlds. He carries himself like the alpha male of his pack of less noticeable wingmen over to where I'm mounted into the ground. Though my ears feel like they might bleed from the noise I hear his hearty voice purr in my ear,

"Buy you a drink, sexy?" Dumbfounded, I nod and allow him to lead me to the giant bar. I have no idea what to order but luckily he does it for me. He begins to speak and the room seems to melt around him until it's just him and I. His name is Balder, ironic and we both get a good laugh about being two gods trapped on Earth. He insists that I drink more and more. I do just to have something to do besides drool over him. He talks about how he is a fireman in training and loves helping those less fortunate. I hope he doesn't mean me as he pumps me full of liquor. He allows me to trace his shoulder and bicep while I gush about mythology. He doesn't seem to mind and eventually insists we should leave.

We go back to my place and everything is just a haze of skin, hair, tongues, and exploration. It is a clash of skin on skin. He takes what he wants and I give him everything until I'm empty and broken, laying by his side while he strokes my hair, whispering about how amazing I am until I fall asleep.

I wake to find nothing but a hangover and a note. It reads, "Had fun. We should do this again sometime. -B." Apparently Mr. Lovely was only into one night stands. I let out a depressed sigh. For once I felt happy with someone other than my child.

Another thing Balder wasn't into was condoms. And at the time I never though to ask him if he had one on or I just didn't care. The fact that I was pregnant, like before, didn't appear until a few weeks later when I woke up to vomiting intensely into the nearest trash can. Instead of waiting around to see if I were ill, I went to see a doctor, in fact I saw the same man who had diagnosed Sleipnir before. A few days later he called me in to talk. He gave me a look that was a combination of disappointment and judgment once he received the results.

"Mr. Laufeyson, you're with child once more. I hope you have means of support..." I didn't. The job I worked barely paid my bills and the meager child support money was going toward groceries. When I was on my own, I quickly learned how expensive a baby could be. I couldn't fathom a way to go about this. The weight of the world crushing down upon me. The only thing I could do was try to find Balder.

Every night I bargained my hours to those bitches who left me to go to that same club and I would search for flaming red hair, a tree tattoo, yellow eyes, anything that was the man I took to bed. I asked everyone there and through their drunken or even druggy haze they told me they had never heard of a "Balder." It was like he never existed. On the eighth day I finally broke down and called Laufey. The smiling bright face babe who was so eager about his studies and his horses should never see me like this. I stopped taking care of myself since the first day of searching, in my grief I could never take care of a child. So Sleipnir went with Grandfather for the week while I broke down at home. My task was hopeless. Whoever this Balder was, he didn't want to be found.

I mourned at home for my future, for my son, and for myself. I didn't go to work with inevitably got me fired. I didn't care, I wanted to waste away. I knew that if I kept up my pregnancy, it would be like things before; I would learn to love the child before considering adoption. And like before I was facing homelessness of a different kind. So I sat and tried to think of a solution but nothing came until one day the solution came to me.

A knock at the door and I went running through my destroyed home. Is it Balder? Did someone tell him I was looking for him? Would he rescue me?

It wasn't Balder

It was Svaðilfari

ooo

The day Fenrir was born was a good day. Unlike his brother he wasn't early and he didn't take forever. He kindly came out into the World with a grin on his face. The most pleasant birthing experience of my life and with the added love and support from my partner, life was good. I was glad I didn't wither away like I had planned for I would have missed out on Fenrir's darling personality.

On that day Svaðilfari and I made a vow; We would only tell Fenrir of his true parentage on his eighteenth birthday. Until then we would say he received his hair color from a distant aunt on my mothers side. Though he never suspects it, he has wondered why he doesn't look like the man who unselfishly took him as his son. If there is one thing I respect about the horseman is that he did something out of character; He took a child that wasn't his and loved it. Normally steeds kick the foal to death if they sense it isn't theirs. He has loved him as his own, unconditionally and as much as his older brother.

On a side note I have never stopped searching for Balder. I feel he deserves to know he has a son out there. So whenever I'm pushing through big crowds or in a public space I look for those features; red hair, yellow eyes, Yggdrasil tattoo. So times I think I see him and as I chase after him he disappears like a ghost of a memory. Funny, I might just be going crazy.


	14. Svaðilfari part 3

**Authors Note: I'm sorry for the problems with Fanfiction. I hope that this time it won't take them awhile for people to see the new chapter. I suppose I should have known since the website has been oddly compliant with me. Anyway more story filler. I should have the second part of this out today or tomorrow. Enjoy**

ooo

I don't particularly recall if I slept at all but if I did, I certainly woke in an odd mood. A zombie like mood where my main purpose is to wander mindlessly while finding sustenance to fuel my dead brain. I'm so gone that I forget to shower and make coffee for no one. Sleipnir eyes me as I walk around the house, sipping the blackened substance. He knows it's best not to intervene. As for Fenrir he is just a ray of unquestioning sunshine.

I hope Odinson is around to offer the rest of the coffee to, despite trying to finish it on my own. I look for him out on his morning stoop and expect him to sit there and think about the day. But his beautiful car is gone and the stoop is empty except for a neglected newspaper. Oh well. Such a waste. The little ball of hope growing inside me is diminished like pouring a barrel of water onto a match.

I briefly remind myself how to walk and take the boys to school before clocking in at work. Astrid decides not to bother me as I assume the position of the help desk though the place feels empty. Within a matter of minutes I zone out.

ooo

The first things I did after Svaðilfari left me in a pile of snow that day was mutilate everything in my path; cloths, hair, furniture, pictures, skin. Anything to distract me from the consuming pain of rejected. How dare he fuck me over like this! I was only a child! I couldn't possibly raise a child on my own or even know how to get rid of one. I had no friends. I had no support. Though it's not like I had any hopes or aspirations, I was always fond of books and literature. Now I couldn't even finish the school year without blowing up like a blimp. I always thought I would be smart enough not to get someone pregnant. Ha! Well that worked out nicely.

Anyways, after a few days of rage and one destroyed home, I went to the library and began reading all about child care and pregnancy. If I were to be stuck with this runt until the end of time, I might as well learn how to take care of it. It. It was a good word for it. It makes things disconnected, easily breakable if I were to give it up later on. Maybe, I thought, someone would kick my ass and it would all be over with. After all I was fair game without Svaðilfari, both at home and school.

Whatever luck I carry with me was terrible to me during those few months. No one touched me physically so I had to fight to hide the bump. Words can be greater weapons than fists. If word was to get out that I was with child, the whole school would lose their minds. I've never minded being called a whore but the verbal torment would be relentless. When I started getting bigger, I began eating less and wearing baggier clothing.

Laufey never suspected a thing, though enraged by the outbursts of mass household destruction he never cared that I didn't eat at dinner. He once commented how nice it was that I didn't since I was and I quote "Getting rather fat." Helbindi would steal whatever I didn't touch with a thievish grin and Býleistr would smirk and pinch at my stomach.

"Ohhhh fatty fat fat boy." He would tease and then cackle. Their torment was relentless but I learned to smack hands and put up with their witlessness.

ooo

The day Sleipnir moved for the first time was the moment I decided I wanted to be a mother. Before than I lived in a World of ignorance to that fact that there was something inside me that did something other than make me over dramatic and hungry all the time. He was an actual being inside me. Living and breathing because I was there keeping him from toppling over the chasm of death. There was someone growing inside me. I wasn't alone for where ever I went, my child would be there with me. For once someone didn't think I was an absolutely worthless air stealing being. This person loved me unconditionally, even though he had never met me.

My history instructor yelled at me as I held onto my bulging gut and let out a small cry. He loved me and that's all that mattered.

Later that day after I lounged in my newly furnished room whispering things to the moving being against my organs, Býleistr decided to enter my room. He reached down for my stomach before I could bat away his spider like hand and he received the shock of his life when Sleipnir decided to greet his Uncle with a tiny fist to the palm.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

After five months, Laufey found out he had a Grandchild to care for.

ooo

"Who is the Father?" He paced in his study. Venomous green eyes locked on to their target. As a kid, I sometimes thought when he was really angry that his eyes turned slightly red. At the time they certainly could have. He was beyond pissed but handling it well. I believe he figured I was delicate.

"Svaðilfari Sterkhest, Father." I rubbed my stomach out of nervousness. My heart beat must have been disturbing the babies rest, for he kicked and turned at my hand. I noticed that his hands twitched, surely wanting to grab at my throat but he restrained himself.

"The famous horse rider. I read in the paper about more cases of this... The press won't know... No. They won't. Does he know?" He sounded more like he was speaking to himself but I answer him for I may be dead in a matter of minutes.

"Yes. He told me to get rid of it." In an irrational moment I pray that Sleipnir didn't hear what I just said. None the less he continues to move until he settles himself.

"Pity he wouldn't defend your honor. Now tell me boy, do you wish to ruin my career?"

"N-No, Father." I look away. I try my best to be resilient despite the added hormones. He wouldn't see me cry that day.

"Tell me why you are trying your damnedest to do so? You will do as I say. No if, ands, or buts. You will finish school and once the child is delivered over the summer months you will give it up to an adoption agency. You will forget about Mister Sterkhest and whatever you once had with him. For all he will know, you got rid of it in the early months. I'm thinking Germany sounds like a nice place to send you. Yes, a nice private boarding house in Germany until you learn to close your legs. No son of mine will be fucked like a woman. Until then you are on shaky ground. I will send a note to all of you councilors and I expect doctors visits every three weeks. You will stop starving yourself. No agency will want a dead kid. Understood?"

"Yes, Father."

ooo

He wasn't kidding about the note. By the next day of school everyone knew my secret and all looked at me with contempt. Where ever I went they stared and parted ways as if I were with a hideous disease. I heard them whisper or not even attempt to mask what they had to say about me. They didn't bother to touch me, let alone beat me but they made my life hell. My desks in each class had lovely messages left from peers. My favorites being; "Too stupid to wear a condom," "Tranny! We always new et," "I hope u die in labor," and "go kill yourself and your demon spawn." Always tokens of kind words I will keep with me.

I avoided them, always shifting from place to place as I got bigger. I found a nice spot behind the cafeteria to curl up and hide. That's where I came up with the name Sleipnir while I read an action fiction book on Odin. Sleipnir was horribly ironic and darling. The first born of Loki and a misfit in Asgard. I got used to it, loving the way it rolled off of my tongue. My son would be Sleipnir and my daughter would be Fárbauti, after my long lost mother (and also a sort of fuck you to my Father.)

My brothers wouldn't touch me anymore but they made nastier comments. Laufey never stopped them either which was to be expected. I was the black sheep, intruding on their perfect lives. The only thing I needed was my baby. Somewhere down the road I decided to defy to the odds and keep my darling Sleipnir. I secretly stole from my fathers wallet and bought cloths for him and toys as a local store and hid them in a suitcase. I would run away with him and find work. Life would be better after all.

ooo

My water broke at eight in the morning in the middle of June. I was two months away from my due date and not ready at all. Perhaps it was from the pressure to finish school or the endless teasing but it happened quick and early. Water pooled between my thighs, staining my sweat pants as I collected my books. My heart almost gave out as I knew from reading what that meant. Fucking fuck my luck. At least Sleipnir had the decency to wait until my brothers were out of the house.

I quietly went up to my poor driver and told him to take me to a hospital. He paled, understanding what was happening and wanting no part in it. All of the help knew of my condition and none made any comments about it, though I knew they were being paid extra not to. He took me to the hospital before the pain really started to kick in. When I waddled in a nurse gave me a look of surprise before pulling me into a small room with a dying man next to me and told me to stay calm. I told her to go fuck herself as my cloths were thrown away and replaced by a gown someone might have died in the day before and was instructed what to do.

For fifteen hours I toiled and huffed, fighting of agonizing pain as my ass ached more than it did when I originally took a dick in there. A small baby came out of me not to far from midnight, he let out a small wail though he was too weak to even fight as a overworked doctor cleaned him off, swaddled, and handed him to me for a moment. He was beautiful; a small patch of black hair plastered to his soft skull, his eyes opened to show blue orbs, and though he wasn't a healthy shade, he was active. A nurse told me he would live but they needed to take him away. And just like that I lost him.

I protested and threw a fit with what was left of my energy but they still took him outside. For a moment I saw a flash of white hair in the hallway following the doctor. Whatever I thought I saw, I didn't inquire about for I was pushed down and given a sedative.

ooo

Laufey was the only one to visit. He brought me a balloon and a muffin which also came with a lecture. He told me about how my son was doing and that the agency would be there after he was healthy enough to leave the hospital. He also gave me what work I needed to pass my last class I needed for graduation and some paperwork to fill out about the adopted, even with a number to call on the top of the pile. When he left, I had a nurse give me her cell phone. Though the secretary sounded peeved, she was happy to know I made the decision to keep him.

ooo

When they released us both, I had failed my Fathers orders and as expected he kicked me out. I certainly wasn't penniless but it still hurt only have a handful of things to take with me and a quiet but happy newborn. Though I considered going to Svaðilfari just to taunt him one last time before I traveled, trying to find a place to stay, I decided I wouldn't burden my child with his image. So off I went into the slums to find sanctuary.

ooo

Three years later, Sleipnir had grown into a wise and healthy toddler. He was flexible with my work schedule and always happy to see me. He put up with some men and the occasional woman I brought home to meet him. Though not the most sociable child, he had partners of mine that he liked and disliked. N.A.V had funded most of his childhood and helped pay my bills. If there is one thing I love about Norway it was the benefits I received for being a single mother in need of child care. Though I still worked full time.

To my surprise one day I received a court summons to discuss the child support payments that Svaðilfari had yet to begin paying. Apparently after three years he had recognized Sleipnir as his son and tracked me down. I still didn't understand why he wanted to talk after all these years but I took the day off of work from my librarian position and contacted the family lawyer; an older man who helped me even though I had been cast out because I was his favorite of Laufey's sons.

I first saw him leaning up against the door while an older brunette talked his ear off, I would later find out that she would be one of my greatest enemies and a true match to my father. Svaðilfari was in the same suit I met him in but he had aged none too gracefully. Lines began to form on his face in places where I never remembered and he looked truly tormented by an unknown entity. His gray eyes lit up instantly when I walked in with Sleipnir, who was sleepy from just being pulled from a nap. This was their grand meeting, the first time father and son would be united. Sleipnir had never really asked about a Father, perhaps he was wise enough to have figured out he didn't have one or he just didn't care.

I let him down and knelt before him, cupping his cherub cheeks in my hands. I fixed him with a serious look and said,

"Sleipnir, I want to introduce someone to you before Mama has to go have a serious talk, okay?"

"Otay." He was having troubles with his "k's." His big orbs, an exact match to his fathers shined.

"Sleipy. This is your Father. His name is Svaðilfari and he wants to get to know you. Can you walk over and say hello to him?" He looked at me as if I just smashed all of his toys and told him Saint Nick wasn't real. The earth was pulled away off of his little feet. He looked so scared and so sad, I wanted to take it all back. But Svaðilfari pushed the woman next to him away and knelt besides us. He looks tender for a moment, a look he would give frightened horses.

"Hello, Son. I'm sorry it took me this long to find you. Do you want to tell me your name?"

"S-Sleipnir..." He looked away but soon looks at him. Making an obvious connection between who got whos looks. "E-Eyes." He smiled and pointed.

"Yes, Son. We have the same eye color. And the same nose," He leaned in and cutely wiggles his little nose. "In fact if it wasn't for your black hair, I would say we were twins." Sleipnir let a smile grace his lips. He leaned in, throws his chubby arms around his fathers neck and squealed happily,

"I lit(k)e you, Daddy!" Svaðilfari rubbed his little back, cradling him to his body as he picked him up.

"I like you too, Son." Before my eyes a bond had begin to form, one that would be unbreakable. A one between a father and his first son. Within the hour, Sleipnir refused to he held by anyone else (though his "new" Grandmother bribed him with ice cream if she could hold him just once. He shot her down and clung to his father like a baby koala.) I stood by my lawyer, feeling that old friend of mine misery creep back into my life. Seeing him was like living the events that brought us together and tore us apart back to life again. With every look he gave me there was a new tear at my soul; a reopening off old wounds locked away.

I hate him. I hate him more than anyone I've ever met in my wretched existence. I hate him more than my father and brothers combined, more than the bullies who made my life hell. I hate him more than the mother who abandoned me and I even hate him more than every hardship I've ever come up against. I hate him for all the things he had done to me and for leaving me to face this burden alone. But I hate him the most for stealing my baby from me, the one he never wanted.

So after the child payment if covered; the amount of krone to be giving out each month decided up until the age of eighteen, unless we hooked up or something occurs. The money will only go towards keeping Sleipnir safe and providing for him, so basically for rent and food. We also have out first schedule set in place; every weekend he goes to Svaðilfari's ranch and I had him on the weekdays. Holidays were negotiable. After we are done, I don't feel so cheated. Even as I watched the bastard steal all of my sons attention.

I reached out to grab my babe from his clutches but Sleipnir did something bewildering for his character; he threw the biggest fit I had ever seen in public and in the confines of our home. He screamed and sobbed, clinging tightly to the man he just met. Svaðilfari nervously pats his back and wiped tears.

"Enough of this, my boy. You mother needs you back and maybe if you behave I can take you both out to lunch. You like french fries right?" Sleipnir calmed as if someone had given him an extra shot of cough syrup in his sippy cup (okay that was an awful comparison.) He nodded with a quivering lip while I stood, over powered by the force that was my damned evil ex.


	15. Svaðilfari part 4

**Authors Note: See. What did I tell you. I have no life... But thank you all for the wonderful reviews and there are a hundred of them! Oh goodness I love you all so much TwT The next few chapters are on the way**

We only see each other twice a week and that is more than I can possibly withstand. We're "friends" in front of Sleipnir and anyone else we need to be around. We keep our conversations short and to the point, though we both had things that needed to be said. We are the perfect example of I-can-survive-living-with-my-ex, in fact we had it down to a T. We really should have marketed some book on it. For two whole years we live in forced friendship, playing toss the kid. If he hadn't stopped it, I would have broken down eventually.

ooo

It was on an odd day; the one I had previously mentioned where I was drowning in helplessness and pregnant. But my horseman in shinning armor managed to show up at my door. I could hardly believe it was him at first, standing out with his hair plastered to his face and tears in those harsh eyes. It was raining hard and I had hardly noticed. How long had he been standing there?

"I can't live without you. I can't live like this! I'm sorry I wronged you." He grabs at my shoulders. I can't tell if he is really sorry or drunk but he grabs me in a wet and sloppy kiss. I'm too gone to fight back, though it's a nice slap back to reality (oddly enough it feeling like the last time I told him I was pregnant.) He pulls away when I don't respond.

"I love you. I've loved you all this time and I just can't keep this up. I'm so sorry for everything. I was scared. I ran away and you've done this all by yourself. Your boy- Our boy, he's beautiful. I love him so much." He confesses upon my lips. I run my hands through those white wet locks and cupped his face. He wasn't drunk. And I was desperate. I invited him to my bed. When he asked if I had any condoms, I told him it didn't matter and he didn't find it odd. We made sweet love into the early hours of the morning. I never noticed how my body had craved his touch until now.

He pulled me into his arms and began to talk about things we never thought to those four years ago. His most intimate thoughts and secrets spill out of his mouth before he can control what he says. I just lay there and listen.

Svaðilfari was born the third child of his small and broken family. His father was a farmer, never planning on retirement and his mother was a professional housewife. His only brother killed himself after his wife died of breast cancer and his sister was off in Amsterdam, working the streets for her speed addiction. So when he was younger and a horse riding champion, his parents were overjoyed to have one successful child. So they road his coattails, nagging their way to the top. As a man questioning his sexuality his whole life, he was repressed by his parents for his somewhat public image.

When I told him I was with child, his mother was going to be staying with him for awhile. Normally he never would have reacted that way but fear took over (though I find it a shitty excuse,) and he over reacted. He never meant to demand or even suggest that I kill Sleipnir, he would have tried to figure something out. He even never meant to hit me but again, insanity of the moment strove toward violence. He was ashamed of himself after the anger passed. It took him almost eight months to build up to courage to talk to me, on that fateful day in June but I was gone in labor so he went to the hospital. He viewed the birth from afar but still couldn't talk to me when he saw how much I struggled.

He went home after spending a night viewing his son in intensive care and decided to stay out of my life. Until a year of racking up guilt changed his mind. He ran around Oslo, trying to find the two boys he lost. Haunted by green eyes and black locks, he truly believed I might have put our child up for adoption and ran away. He searched almost every day for two years until one fateful day he ran into Laufey. Laufey and I started talking to one another after the second year of my exile. He sent me money and an apology, apparently I wasn't the only failure in the family. As the lesser evil who could prove I could make it on my own, he allowed me back into the family life. Now Laufey was happy to divulge my location. That is where we met again and it cured his obsession to fix what was wrong.

Though it helped for only a little while, seeing me unhappy and slaving away for our child was even worse than the unknown. He stood around and watched the suffering, asking Sleipnir when he had him what life was like with mommy. He pried and he planned, trying to find a day when his cowardice would stand back and allow him to save the day.

All this time he talked, I lay trying to comprehend all of this. I want to hit him, I want to scream at him for not doing this before. I hate him but I can't help feeling sorry for him. So I let him talk and do nothing. At the end he looks to me for some form of a reply.

"I'm pregnant." He wasn't expecting that but he reacts better. He sits up and cups my face. The concern takes over.

"Is the father around? You never told me you were dating anyone. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm not really dating anyone. It was sort of a hit and run, so to speak. He doesn't know and I can't seem to locate him. So I'm stuck." He takes in the situation and then speaks.

"Live with me."

"What?"

"Live with me. Our children need a father. You've done well alone, think of what we could do together. Think of how happy our son would be, even with the new baby. I bet he would love a sibling." He raised a fair point. I could hardly keep myself afloat all alone and though the Government may help, it might not be enough.

"I'm unemployed..."

"Another reason to come with me. Loki, give me a second chance. I owe you so much. Let me redeem myself and you can work at the ranch. I will give you everything you desire, indulge you in your cravings, back rubs, foot rubs, and any sex you crave. I will provide anything and everything. All you need to do is be yourself." By the time we fixed breakfast, he had convinced me it was acceptable to move in.

ooo

Being a house wife was a bit of a shock. Though it wasn't hard; I had learned to cook, clean, and wash. The more difficult task was living in a new space with an anti-social boyfriend who was used to doing all of the work by himself. At first we didn't communicate much besides kisses and talking through our child. Sleipnir was the happiest boy on Earth. He had his two favorite people together and his horses. He was overjoyed to be living here. Seeing him happy made me happy and that was all that mattered.

ooo

As time went on we became comfortable with one another. We fell into a routine, I didn't sleep so he built me a library to spend my nights in, he would wake up early to check on me before making himself coffee and heading out to check on the horses, a few hours later Sleipnir would awaken and join him while I cooked breakfast, Svaðilfari would run off a check list of things he needed to get done that day and we would all listen for what our tasks were to be. After breakfast was work; cleaning, gardening, laundry, dishes, motherly duties, and others depending upon the season. At lunch, Svaðilfari would indulge me in any of my cravings and after I would nap with Sleipnir.

The rest of the day was made up of tasks not accomplished or personal time and dinner. We moved as a unit, as a family to make things happen. I was no longer alone when it came to pregnancy and child care, even housework. For the first year of my life back together with Svaðilfari I was blissfully happy. No one had bothered to visit us or disrupt our unit, it was just us getting to know each other and recognizing ourselves as family.

ooo

When Fenrir first kicked, I knew it was time to tell Sleipnir who had been kept in the dark about my condition, though he could tell my stomach was growing. In my book reading (Svaðilfari bought me a new book each week, a gift for my insomnia) I found a creative craft for children. I quickly fixed up a batch of cupcakes and paint each of them with died frosting pink and blue. Like before I prefered not to know the sex of my child or really I grew a taste for the mystery. I decorated two of them with pipping gel, writing in elegant letters, "Number One Big Brother." When done I presented a box of the confections to little Sleipnir who looked at it with wide eyes.

"Well open it, Son." Svaðilfari smiles and wraps one arm around me while rubbing the bulging belly with the other. Sleipnir rips open the package as if it were Christmas. He looks down at the cupcakes and tilts his head.

"Big brother?"

"That's right, Sleipnir. You're going to be a big brother." And with that, Sleipnir burst into tears.

"I don't want to be a big brother!" For once, one of us was unhappy. It was only a small start but the fire grew as times passed.

ooo

"Loki!" Astrid calls, breaking me from the stranglehold of memories. It had been three hours! Three and yet there was only two people here besides my boss and I. "Go. It's lunch time and we don't need you. Lief will be here soon anyways." I simply nod and pay my respects to the ancient librarian before waltzing off to clock out and search for food. Did I pack myself something? I don't think so. Maybe Thor is at his work, maybe he has an office there. I haven't seen him in days and I've missed that smiling heap of muscle.

"Loki?" Fandral stands with lunch for both of us. I almost walked right by him. You're striking out with everything today, Loki. My face must be horrid, for Fandral throws the food down to pull me into a tight embrace. "Oh god. What happened? Are you alright?" I raise a brow but find myself wrapping my arms around him. They shake, disobeying my brain telling the rest of my body that I am fine. I notice a tiny bit of dried blood under my nails. I must have punctured the skin on my hands. I'm not fine but I've learned to live with these haunting memories.

"It has been an odd day. I'm off work."

"Odd? Oh dear. I'm worried about you, love. Shall I take you home?" I nod, allowing him to carry me off to his handsome car and plant fleeting kisses upon my lips. He sets me into the passengers seat and presents me with a small multicolored box. I glance at the bright wording. _15 Condoms: for his and her pleasure _

"I brought you a gift." He smiles devilishly. Apparently he follows orders well.

ooo

I watch him dress and listen to his musing on about Thor. I invited him to bed me once more and it turned out to be a fine idea. Though he pouted and said he missed lunch because of it. If lunch is a bigger concern than having your dick played with, you must have issues. It wasn't mind blowing but it puts the memories at bay. I still ache, though not as intense as it was last time. Third time is usually the charm anyways.

"So I talked to Thor before he rambled on about work but he is having this enormous get together with all his friends and family. It will be Wednesday and he wants us to go. And I was thinking it would be a perfect time for me to meet your children. Would you like to go?" I lay back while he buttons up his pants. It would be a good chance to but another Odinson get together. The last dinner party was a shallow waste of my time. It would still be a night of free food and it would help introduce him to the children.

However it irks me how it is Fandral who tells me this and not Thor himself. Is he too busy to at least send me a text? Thor is not a stranger to technology after all. I feel like I deserve some sort of acknowledgment from him that I am a friend and not just some date to his companion.

"Sure. I'm sure we're not doing anything that day." I smile and sit up, wrapping a blanket around my waist. He pulls on his company shirt and leans in for a kiss. I grant him one and pull back first.

"Great. I have to go now, sweetness." He whispers. If he thinks I will honestly walk him downstairs, he is in for a shock.

"Have a good day at work. I believe your shoes are on the stairs." There is a flash of disappointment in his blue eyes but he leaves without complaining. I only begin to move when I hear the door shut and his car leave. When I am finally alone, I begin to move and collect my cloths and dignity. I check my phone. Apparently Thor did send me a text invite. He must have sent it out on his lunch break. I'm sorry for doubting you, Thor.

**Slam!**

What the hell was that? It wasn't in here unless the ghost of the shut in is around. I notice that I have yet to close that damned window. I go to look outside and discover two things.

Jane is home; her awful white van parked in the drive way. I don't recall noticing it being there when I arrived here (then again my tongue was greeting Fandral's at the time.)

Jane has a man drunkenly leaving her fiances home. He stumbles off to his nice convertible, he is the opposite of Thor. His hair is dark and spiked out of his face, he wears a three piece suit and is thin. His skin is heavily sun kissed and his has a dark goatee. His eyes are covered by stylish sunglasses. I can't tell if he is handsome but I get a good look at him from afar.

D-Did I just witness Jane and her fuck buddy? Oh lord, I was right. I was so right...

Thor... Oh god what do I tell him?


	16. The Sons of Odin

**Authors Note: I apologize for the wait. I've been traveling all week. The next chapter should be off soon. I really love some of the reviews I have received for the last chapter. Enjoy**

****ooo

Wednesday rolled around as quick as ever and I have yet to see Thor. I want to claim illness, to hide away from him but that would break the boys hearts. I was not ready to discuss my heavy burden with him. Not now at least. I haven't had a decent nights sleep in days. In fact I stay awake at night trying to find a proper method of telling him, a plan of action so to speak. I fantasize about the moment where I grab a hold of his strong arms and tell him in a backroom of his home. Each time comes a different reaction: he turns murderous once more, the look of wanting to kill her, not believing me and casting me out, and the worst of them all collapsing in a weeping heap before offing himself before dessert.

This was going to be messy. Perhaps it is the coward in me or the sentiment towards Thor that holds him tongue. He deserves to know though. She is cheating in his home and is his fiance. If it were Fandral he would certainly do the same for me. But how would I take it? I wouldn't be happy with Fandral but it would just be another added tragedy in my life.

Speaking of which Fandral knocks at the door and a cup slips from my hand. I had been cleaning to relieve the growing knot in my stomach that twines and twists as the hour approaches. _Fuck. _I go to scrape up the pieces before anyone cuts themselves while Sleipnir answers the doors. I had both prepped them for the evening, using threats and bribes to get them to behave. Though they were already ecstatic to be with "Uncle" Thor and Mrs. Odinson.

I can hear their banter from the kitchen. Sleipnir seems to be wooed by his words. Fenrir scampers downstairs and runs in the kitchen (at least the glass is cleaned up now.) He is carrying his Captain America doll Phil gave him as a "wedding gift." He now goes everywhere with the poor thing. He stops and tilts his flaming head of hair.

"Mama, are you okay? You look sick." Oh the honesty of babes. They do not process that some things should go unspoken. They only care about the present. I must look worn, though I've tried to mask it.

"I'm fine, love. No need to worry. We're still going to the party. Go say hello to Mama's boyfriend. He's just in the other room." His eyes light up as he runs once more to join his brother. I hear one screech of joy which almost brings a devastating end to another glass.

"Oh my god! Mama is dating Robin Hood!"

ooo

We are the first ones to arrive to the party which is really just Thor slaving over a hot stove while his harlot works or fucks whoever that man was. It is a relief to not have to talk to him just yet. I offer my hand in helping to which he has us all set the table, strategically placed in the living room. The couches were moved out so now there was nothing but weapons and a long table. Whenever Fandral entered the room, Fenrir flailed across the floor, doing his best impression of a swooning maiden. Sleipnir helped though he kept his eyes locked on target, searching for every flaw Fandral has. One child out of two isn't bad.

Fandral plays it up. He is chatty and always willing to listen to them, even if the conversations are childish. I've gained respect for him. Not many are so willing to put up with my children but he seems to enjoy it. This is going a lot more smoothly than I had imagined.

Fenrir pulls on the sweatshirt, the one Fandral gave me. I lean down to hear his secret. Rarely do children have interesting secrets but they are all darling in my eyes.

"Yes?"

"Your husband-guy is a prince, isn't he? Is he the prince of Norway? English people have princes. Is he an English prince?" I can't help but smile.

"He's my boyfriend and you should ask him. Though he might want to keep it a secret." I kiss his chubby cherub cheek before he rushes over to divulge his new information to his older brother. Sleipnir is apathetic about being here, choosing to read in the corner instead of talking with Fandral or Thor. Like mother, like son. I glance away for only a moment to find two strong arms wrapped about my waist and someone has buried their face in the back of my head. It's a sweet hug, eh Fandral would be affectionate now that the work was done. I hadn't seen him slip behind me or even slip away.

"Oh stop it. You cling like a barnacle."

"I just really missed you." A deeper voice replies as I fight down a flush. Thor was the one hugging me. Oh great.

"So have I. Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" He moves his stumble covered chin to my neck. I fight the urge to push him away as his sandpaper chin brushes him cheek. Another stab to the gut with guilt as he continues to hold me. His blissful ignorance makes me want to retch. It is only as he lays a kiss against my exposed neck that I realize I care for him. I care for him more than anyone here, well almost anyone.

"Hmm. No. Everything is in the oven. I have a few friends I want you to meet. Are you mad at me?" Mad? Why? Oh... Yes... Saturday... _Sigh. _Not anymore. I am mad at someone else.

"No," I stroke his mighty arms clothed by a wonderful pale blue dress shirt. "It was an accident. I've learned to keep it closed. I would like to meet your friends, if you don't mind." He chuckles, letting go for only a moment before wrapping a hand around my shoulder. Is it a habit that he must touch me?

"You sounded like you were enjoying yourself anyways. That's all I care about. Come." He leads me into the kitchen where I am greeted by two men who seemingly were best friends, despite looking nothing alike. The one talking to Fandral with a wine glass in his meaty paw is what I would describe as reverse Gimly; untamed red beard that would put Charles Darwin to shame, tall, and sporting a beer gut or what might be left over from a pregnancy (you can never really tell with some people.) Next to him is a shorter Asian man. He has short black hair, slicked back and was wearing a business suit.

"Loki, I would like to the warriors three; Hogun, Volstagg, and you should know Fandral by now."

"One would hope." Fandral adds in though he decides it is best to be with friends. Thor is the one who stands by my side.

"My Fanny, you have picked out a pretty one this time." This comes from the fat one I assume is Volstagg. I fake a smile. So these are the people Thor associates himself with. Certainly wasn't expecting this but at least he set me up with the attractive one.

"He's also smart. He's a librarian." Oh thanks Fandral. I certainly feel special and not like a prize. Hogun raises an eyebrow. Perhaps he senses my distress or even lack of caring for such bland kindness but he grabs my hands and in a heavy accent says,

"I will pay any amount of money to run. Don't settle down with him. He doesn't deserve you." He jokes but there is a certain serious behind those dark eyes that chills me. Fandral playfully slaps him upside the head but the poison of suspicion still runs through me. This is the second warning about Fandral from his comrades. Is there something I'm not seeing?

"I am a wonderful boyfriend. At least I'm in a relationship." Oh how mature.

"Might I ask why you're called the warriors three? Wouldn't the warriors four be appropriate for dear missing Thor?" The really looked like they had nothing in common besides being military buddies. Perhaps that is all that is needed to form a friendship.

"Well," Thor explains. "That is the name they used when I met them, sort of like a three musketeers but cooler. Four doesn't really fit but our longer title is Thor, The Lady Sif and the Warriors Three." Sif? Well it certainly couldn't be the girl I used to share a room with. But Sif is an uncommon name.

"Does this 'Sif' have long dark hair and brown eyes?" They all look at me as if I had just ritually slaughtered a goat and drank from its wounds. Fandral is the first to speak.

"Yeah. How do you know our dear friend?"

"It is a long story but we were roommates. So what has become of her?" Volstagg laughs and downs his glass of wine. He is the one who answers.

"Why it's a small world after all. She joined the army and has gotten quite addicted. She started in our unit, being the only girl around she became more manly than any of us. Right now she's somewhere. She tends to keep on and off contact. We've tried to convince her to leave and join our company but she is a stubborn woman." No mention of a child. She must have given the thing away and tried to gain a new life away from the slum. At least she managed to rise out of the darkened pit. I regretted sometimes not taking her with me but I couldn't afford to.

ooo

The next people to arrive come about an hour and a half later. They're an older couple belonging to Thor. The woman has honey colored hair with gray patches beginning to sprout. Her worn face is beautiful and her eyes bright blue. I could only imagine where Thor got his looks. Her face is always smiling the warmest smile even as she wraps her arms around me for no reason but a dear greeting. It is like an intense burst of heat sweeps over me. This... This is what I always imagined a mother embrace would feel like. I had experienced it before but over time it was hard to remember the feeling. Her thin arms wrap around me as if to calm and love.

"I'm sorry for just hugging you out nowhere. I just recognized you at Fenrir's parent. The eyes give it away. Oh Thor has told me so much about you and I've learned a lot in class." She had a voice that could sooth even the most rowdy of children. This is the lady who had given birth to Thor and is my sons teacher. Frigga. She is the living embodiment of motherhood.

"No need. I was enjoying it. Mrs. Odinson, it is a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Oh please dear, call me Frigga. No need to be so formal. Your son is great student though he is easily distracted with his lovely partner in crime, Phillip." She releases me from her hold though I wish to have more.

"Loki Laufeyson. And so sorry for the trouble. My boy is a bit too social for his own good." Fenrir senses her presence or that we're talking about him and jumps in for a hug, clinging to her leg. He looks up at her with the adoration a grandmother would only deserve. I'm jealous for only a moment , I could never be this motherly. When Thor catches sight of her he picks them both up.

"Mother!" He swings her around, nuzzling her face and planting a kiss or two on Fenrir's forehead. He looks utterly blissful. A mothers boy it seems.

"Now who is this, son. Is this your replacement date for your missing fiance?" I hear someone chuckle behind me. His voice is burly, there is almost something sinister about it. Or him. Is this Thor's father? Thor's happiness visibly drains as he unhands his mother and my baby.

"No. This is Fandral's boyfriend and my next door neighbor and dear friend, Loki Laufeyson." I turn to find a man with cropped gray hair and build like an ox. He has one blue eye, the other is covered by a gold painted eye patch. He may have once been handsome but now age has taken its toll. The only thing Thor received from him was the ability to grow a beard and possibly those blue eyes (eye?) His very presence gives off an air of no nonsense. This man meant business even when he joked.

"A Laufeyson. You wouldn't happen to be related to the bastard himself, would you?" I don't know how to answer but the look he gives me tells me to do it soon.

"I am. The youngest of the bunch." I am not pleased with my parentage but it appears neither is Mr. Odinson.

"I am truly sorry. He is an awful son of a bitch. I can't imagine him as a Father," He gives a smile that seems to ease Thor just a little. "I can spot a spawn of his from miles away. Black hair, green eyes, pale as milk. It is an honor to meet you, Mr. Laufeyson. I am Anthony Odinson but I insist that you call me Odin." He barks like an over sized bulldog. I can't help but hate him for no reason, even as he extends his palm for a hefty shake. He is a man who exerts his dominance. He controls Thor and everyone else in the room.

"The pleasure is all mine, Odin. I am sorry if you've ever come in contact with him."

"Humor. A rare trait of your kind. I like you, Mr. Laufeyson. Come walk with me." He grabbed a hold of my shoulders and led me away. I turn one last time to see Thor looking dangerously close to raging. He must despise Odin more than anyone, except for maybe my Ex. I wish for once that he would save me.

ooo

When the hour has come we all gather around the table and serve ourselves a mixture of fresh cooked meats, vegetables, several salads and a never ending supply of wines and juices. Though I do my share of eating it is nothing compared to the men and my dear Fenrir, who treat it like a buffet. Frigga, charming as ever, eats daintily between talks about education and town life. The men converse over business and what new things they could add into their menu. Honestly I'm just happy to avoid Odin for the time being.

"Hello everyone. Sorry for the wait. I brought dessert. " Jane enters mid-meal, carrying what looks like a purchased pie in her hands. She removes her jacket to reveal a dress that sticks to her like a second skin. The only thing I notice is that she has a red scratch like mark across her left breast and Fandral's eyes beginning to wander. Thor has to be an idiot not to notice the mark but I feel a pang of hatred towards her and the man I'm dating.

He continues to look, as if I might not notice. Another moment of where I cannot compare to Jane, apparently I am second best to Fandral. I am Loki Laufeyson and I will never compare to that of Jane Foster. I will never win the demigod, I will never even hold the attention of his best friend. I am simply an option to fuck. Maybe she is fucking Fandral too... I am not so hungry anymore.

Sleipnir notices instantly, sitting on the other side of Fandral. He "accidentally" smacks his glass, causing it to spill all over Fandral's lap.

"Opps... Sorry." Fandral shakes it off, covering his wet crotch with his napkin. I give Sleipnir a smile before offering up my napkin as a sacrifice. He gives me a quick kiss as I notice Thor leave to greet his fiance and take the pie away. She joins in on the party after getting a hug from Frigga and a light pat from Odin, who seems to approve of her, and sits next to where Thor is placed. She fills her plate and grabs for the wine. I want to throw my plate at her.

Thor comes back and kisses her cheek. He is reserved for once. I see that he has the look of doubt in his eyes as he looks at her. His eyes fall on the mark for only a second before he is dragged away by Odin, who clears his throat.

"So did you invite your brother, Thor?" Thor stiffens, polishing off a slice of ham before even bothering to answer. Thor has a brother? He has certainly never mentioned him. Perhaps he is a black sheep like my oldest brother or maybe they had a fallout between them.

"I asked him, he said he was busy with work. Night duty now. Though he sends his regards." Odin looks disappointed, though recovers with a slice of ham.

"Balder means well with his job but he is disillusioned with his quest for being the savior of the week." Odin chuckles and jabs at a potato. My heart has already stopped at the mention of Balder. The knife drops from my hands and meets loudly with the plate. I stumble, trying to pick it up, though it has gained me all of the attention in the room.

"Loki, dear. Are you alright?" Frigga speaks, concern in her eyes. I collect myself and feel little arms wrap around me. Fenrir looks up with worry, even offering me his Captain America doll.

"I-I'm fine. Really. You mentioned a Balder, please tell me about him. I might have met a Balder once." Thor seems to darken a bit though the others are yet again astounded my my knowledge.

"Balder is my half brother. It is a rather complicated tale of how he came to be but we were raised with one another. We may share the same father but we look nothing alike. He has red hair and yellow eyes. He is a firefighter in Oslo. We speak sometimes but he is usually busy." He knits his fingers together. He is unreadable for now but there is slight bitterness in his voice. I try to focus on him instead of myself, though I hold up the inner walls which fight me. They want to come crashing down. My heart won't stop beating. I was so close to finding him. Why now?! Why now of all places and times?!

"Interesting. I think I may know him. Does he have a tattoo running down his arm by any chance? I can't recall what it was but it certainly stood out." The last piece of a puzzle that has been thrown out of the box. If Thor gives me what I think he is going to, I may just break down in front of everyone.

"Yggdrasil is what it is called. The tree of life. Silly boy loved his mythology but who here doesn't." Odin destroys what is left of questions. I fucked Thor's half brother, I share a kid with Thor's half brother. My child is related to Odin. Oh fuck. Oh fucking, fuck, fuck my life! That hallow pit dug deep for years is filled in, in one painful moment.

"Oh sorry. Wrong fellow. He had a koi fish I believe," I smiles as I reach for my phone. I thumb the button on the side, forcing it to ring as I adjust the volume. "Oh not now. Sorry but I have to take this call. I'll be outside." I move before I can be held back for questioning, pressing one in my speed dial and hitting call.


	17. Confessions

**Authors Note: Finally finished this. Sorry for the wait. I'll be camping this weekend so I won't produce much else besides a first draft on paper (it will give me something to do without the internet :I ) Ah well. Thorki and messed up Norse Mythology for everybody!**

****ooo

Svaðilfari answered with a grunt on the third ring. I most likely had awaken him or he was trying to rest. My knees are shaking so hard that I must sit to speak with him.

"Is everything alright? Is it the boys?"

"Svaðilfari... I... Oh god... I found Fenrir's father." I hear my voice crack. I'm not going to cry, not in front of him but I am upset beyond words. Why did this have to happen now? Is there always going to be something that disrupts my peacetime's? Something that prevents me from ever reaching happiness? He takes a few seconds to answer, absorbing the information passed on.

"Where is he?" He whispers, bits of anger poking out when he utters the word "he." I realize I never asked where he lived. Though it seems he must work is Oslo.

"I can ask.. He is my neighbors brother. We were talking over dinner about it. I believe he's working in the city. He is a firefighter. His description fits perfectly. He had the tattoo of Yggdrasil, the red hair, and the yellow eyes! We found him finally.. Well I mean I just need to ask for an address.." My phones buzzes as I receive a text message. Whoever it is will have to wait, for I have more pressing matters to attend to.

"Sounds like him. Are we going to tell him? Will he even remember?" His voice soothes my nerves. I had never thought of it before .

"I have to.. If he doesn't remember... We could always paternity test poor Fenrir... I would prefer not to... What if he wants to be involved? To help raise him?" I hear him shuffle a bit and let out a sigh. He doesn't know how to answer and it's frustrating him.

"Find out where he is and I will be there. Have your friend watch the boys and we'll go talk to this Balder fellow. I know you want to go alone but I have as much right to see him as you do. I want to see the Father of my son face. He may deserve to know he has a child out there but if he tries to run, I will stop him. I want to tell him he's a scumbag for taking advantage of you while you were intoxicated," Hello pot, this is kettle. I wanted to say you're black! "Cutting and running without even giving you any contact! I'm sorry for the pain but we have him now. Now, go back to your dinner party with a smile on your face and if you find out anything else, call me. We got him." I feel a wave of relief though I have several more questions that need to be answered, I have enough for now. For once my ex is helpful in my so called new life.

"Good night, Svaðilfari."

"Good night, love. You have been so strong." With a click he is gone. I take a moment to push the hair out of my eyes and collect myself. I finally check the long missed text. It's from Fandral. I'm surprised he remembered I'm still around after ogling Jane.

_Babe? Are you okay? _

It's not worth answering. He will find out soon enough. I question why I keep things from him? Perhaps it is easier to open up to Thor, for whatever reason. I might as well go inside. I look suspicious. Maybe later I can talk to Thor alone. I brush the dust off of my pants as I stand and touch the door handle, which wiggles and opens without my consent. There stands the mountain of flesh himself. He holds an empty wine bottle, while looking perplexed. He pushes me back gently so he can close the door. Looks like talking happens now.

"Loki, we're all worried about you. Did I say something to offend you?" Oh you delightful oaf.

"No. Nothing is wrong. I just had to take a call."

"Don't you dare try to lie to me. I can tell something is wrong. How do you know Balder and what has he done to you?" Apparently he can see things others simply don't pick up on. Yet he is still blind to Jane's behavior.

"I would rather not talk about it. It is a long story and you have guests to attend to." I say flatly. He simply puts on a smile as he opens the door behind him, bellowing out,

"It looks like we're out of wine. I'll drive out of town to get some more and I have a volunteer to go with me." He gives my back a mighty pat. I couldn't. I have children to care for. Frigga wraps her arms around Fenrir, her eyes read that she picked up on who he resembled. She gives a nod as if to say that they'll be okay with me.

"Thor! You're stealing my boyfriend. Must I duel you for his hand and refuse to let him go?" Fandral slurs, he had been drinking all evening.

"I figured we would trade, just for tonight. I get Loki and you may have Jane."

"Thor!" Jane smiles with her whore mouth and consumes wine like a teenage girl trying to impress her friends.

"I'm just joking, darling. But I promise we'll be back soon." He pulls us both outside to his car. It is just as elegant as Fandrals, I do believe the same design but different color. Reaching the inside, it was entirely different than the tidy care of Fandral. Thor did not care about his car, using it as a holder for wrappers, cloths, and papers. Though to make up for the mess, he has a better sound system built in. I buckle up while he casually tosses the empty bottle in the back seat. He sits and closes the door, letting out a long held sigh.

"Tell me your story."

ooo

In the time it takes us to drive out of town to find an open store that sells liquor, I ramble out my tale of woe. Thor listens the whole time, grunting in some parts and asking me to continue whenever I found it painful to speak. He parks in the dimly lit parking lot and shuts off the car. Turning to speak to me finally.

"I suspected Fenrir was related to my half brother or even his twin when I first met him. But he seemed to have inherited some of my traits," I always knew that they were too close. I let out a soft sigh. "My half brother is an interesting person..." He sounds bitter. His eyes are already clouding as a storm of emotion rolls in.

"Tell me about him. Why do you call him your half brother? He looks nothing like Odin or Frigga." He smiles a little before the pain takes over. I don't want to know if it is going to cause him mental anguish but he seems to think I deserve to know. He closes his eyes and leans back, before finally speaking.

"Balder was never planned. Before my father met my mother, he had a long term girlfriend named Grid. When he met my mother, well he was smitten. He quickly ended his relationship with Grid to be with Frigga. Needless to say she was devastated by the sudden rejection and she didn't just get over it. She stalked him, making several threats against his lovers life if he didn't return to her. She went mad when she learned of their engagement, finally stalking him down and cornering him. She had a plan in mind of awful nature. He had to satisfy her, so long as she promised to stay away. After the deed was done, she went on her merry way and never poked her head into his business again." Thor pauses to rub his temples with his mighty hand.

"The day they brought me home from the hospital, was also the day they discovered a baby left on their doorsteps, with only a blanket and a note. Grid had become pregnant during their last actions and left her newborn to cause chaos. The boy was already named Balder and was the happiest child you could ever imagine having. My mother, bless her heart took him in because she couldn't stand turning him away. She was bitter with Odin for a long time but she loved Balder as if he were her flesh and blood. I actually believe she gave into the lie that he was truly her son. We were raised as equals and made to believe that we were brothers by blood. We believed we were twins and it fit since we shared the same birthday and interests. We never fought, Balder was passive while I was the aggressive part of us." He chuckles in memory. Catching his breath he continues.

"On our sixteenth birthday, Odin pulled us aside and confessed to us of his parentage. Needless to say it devastated us both. Balder especially so. He wanted questions we all couldn't answer. He began to fight the World, he lost all happiness. I said something I would take back if I could. I was selfish at the time and burdened with hurt. It helped push him away from us. When he was old enough he went in search of his mother. He found her and found out he had a blind twin she kept and another sibling. I had to get away, so I joined the military and he became the hero he always wanted to be while gaining a new family. Every male member of the Odinson family had been a soldier but Balder simply did not see himself as that. We haven't spoken often for the last few years but we made peace with one another when I was discharged. Things have never been the same since our childhood." He pauses and licks his lips. He hangs his head a bit, ashamed of his anger. I couldn't help but ache for him. I put a hand upon his and receive a slight smile.

"I am sorry for the grief he has caused you. If he knew he had a son, he would try to care for him. I know you don't want to tell Fenrir until later, but I think it would be the best thing to do it when he is young enough to recover. I don't want your sons splitting like Balder and I. You shouldn't force yourself to be with him. He deserves to know but god help you, he would try to marry you. You are certainly not suited for him, though I would love you to be my actual brother." Another situation I've put myself in. I don't want to be forced to wed a man I spent a few hours with and I certainly don't want to deal with the heart break to come. It is to happen one day but god damn it I'll never be ready for it. It's funny how history almost repeats its self, but this time I didn't abandon my baby.

"Thor, thank you for sharing everything with me. I know it must be painful but I appreciate it. I still want to talk to him. You're right, he deserves to know. As for marrying him, I'm not one to give in easily." Another protective move by the Odinson boy. How quaint.

"I'm not sure if I have the right address but I have his number. I can call and ask for it. I have only one request; take me with you when you do talk to him." Well they do say three's a company.

"I suppose, my ex wishes to go too."

"Good. Good. I can work with him, I suppose. Wine... Let's take a break and get wine."

ooo

The whole trip inside and back was nothing but silence. It is a gift in itself. We both take the time to collect ourselves. Thor is slightly related to myself through my son. His personality has somewhat transferred over to him. I am connected to him in a deep way. Perhaps that is the reason why we are honest with one another. It doesn't hinder our relationship like I expected, instead it opens it. Though he could simply pass me off as his brother still. I had a flicker of hope brush through me.

We buy three crates of wine: I carry one while Thor balances two. Somehow we manage to get back and open the trunk, placing them carefully inside. He gives me a nod of approval before shutting it and heading to the drivers side. I follow to the other side and slip in, and simultaneously we let out a deep sigh. Thor grins a true smile for the first time in hours and turns to me,

"Lets play a game. I'll reveal something about myself and then you follow. It will be fun."

"Oh are we also going to a camp for boys?" I sneer but he shrugs it off. "Fine. Go on. It is your turn." He begins to drive but seems to think of where to start. I'm waiting...

"I've only wanted to marry two women in my time on this Earth: Sif and Jane. Sif shot me down when I asked," Hmm. From what I remember of Sif, they did have fitting personalities. "Your turn."

"I know Sif because after I gave birth to my first born, we shared a hostel room together. I regret not keeping up with her and her child. She seems to have gone far in life." Thor smiles slightly, keeping his eyes on the road as he drives on. I don't know if he knew about the baby or not.

"Sif had a baby girl she gave up for adoption. She only told me about it later on," So that's what happened. Oh well. What a shame. "When I was younger I wanted a baby sister more than anything. Since my mother could no longer carry children after my birth, I used to convince Balder to put on dresses and act like my sister." Okay, I get a laugh out of that. And I will admit I'm having a tiny bit of fun.

"I love bad movies. As in gory horror movies or just hilarious ones in general. I once stole a copy of Dead Snow from the old Library I worked at. I had to borrow a disc played for it but I loved it." It was true. Not only was the movie gory but also really hilarious. I miss it, like many things you give up when you decide to grow up.

"Perhaps we should watch movies sometime," He snickers. "I met your ex years ago. My father used to drag us around to view different sports, horse racing was one of his favorites. I never paid attention. One day we went to a Jockey charity event and he was there. I hated him before I knew what he did to you. He was antisocial when I asked for an autograph and he had a boy about my age hanging from his arm. It wasn't the gay aspect of it but the age difference and how he was eying him the whole evening. For that reason I made sure to dump my wine glass all over him." Interesting. So he was telling the truth when they last spoke. I can picture this and though I notice a pattern in his interests, I laugh. I take a mental note to never let the boys bring friends to the ranch.

"Hmm... I'm awful at making friends. I never had any growing up and the ones I did make I usually ended up sleeping with and ruining that relationship." I sigh. Thor snakes a hand onto my knee. He frowns sadly.

"I am your friend and we have not slept together. You do not ruin every relationship." I've slept with you in my dreams many times. It counts since I am attracted to you, damn it.

"True. Your turn."

"If things go well tonight, Fandral will declare his love for you. He told me via text the other day." Oh no... This is the last thing I would want right now... I don't even love him back. I care for him but I don't love him. God damn it. I like him and he is fine in bed. One out of two kids like him, so he has half of a chance to continue on.

"Oh..."

"You don't love him back, do you?" He retracts his hand from my knee.

"No." Thor shrugs it off, smiling softly.

"It doesn't hurt me. He may be my friend but he rushes into things too quickly. Now go."

"Fine. I don't like drinking because of my previously stated reason and once when I was fifteen I got into my father liquor stash. I drank a glass of peach schnapps and vomited for two weeks straight." Thor whistles and shakes his head.

"Damn. I'm sorry," I shrug. It is no big deal. I learned a life lesson that way. "When I was first discharged, I wasn't in a lady mood. So I slept with a man at a party I attended. We ended up dating for half a year but Tyr had a strict family which eventually had us break it off. It's not something I like to talk about often."

…... Oh. My. God. Straight, untouchable, and soon-to-be married Thor Odinson really is bisexual and has a whore fiance... Oh no. No. No... I have to tell him... Why have I forgotten?

"On Monday... I was sent home early because we were dead at work. After Fandral left, I noticed that Jane was home from work and she had someone over... He was a man in a drunken stupor. He had a nice convertible, brown spikes of hair and a matching goatee. He was wearing sunglasses and a suit. I'm not saying I saw them do anything but it was very out of place." Thor slams on the breaks, forcing me to almost fly out of my seat and through the windshield (thank whatever higher power for seat belts and lack of traffic.)

"What?!" He looks at me, eyes widened. Oh no. He really didn't have a clue. Poor oaf.

"Did she not tell you about it?"

"No... She said she had the afternoon off... I did not know she would have someone over... Did the man seem arrogant? And you said he was drunk?" I frown. Trying to recall any helpful detail.

"Yes and yes."

"That was her boss. Tony Stark is a very... Interesting character... But she never told me he was there and he has a rather odd fascination with my Jane..." He retreats back into his dark look. The poison of doubt hanging over him like a heavy cloud. He looked downright depressed.

"I'm sure she forgot or something," She forgot to close her legs and fell on his cock. End it Thor. "I will keep my eye on her, if I ever leave early enough or have the day off." He is not beyond reason but he is drifting fast. I'm sure with enough provocation he could become a raging bull who only sees red. "I'm sure it is nothing. Hey, it's your turn."

"I'll have a chat with her later... Thank you... Um.. Well..." Thor seems to shift back from his rage, enough to drive once more. He is functioning and not driving us off the road. He looks as hallow as any man in his case would be. He licks his lips, keeping his wild eyes on the road. "I like to watch old war films. I have an interesting collection growing." Ah normal. It seems to settle him down to continue on, though I would have given up on our silly game. All I have left is silly facts and rather soul crushing ones. I look for a way to ease out of this game, though the house is insight.

"I had three children... When I settled down and planned on getting married. Things went well up until I had an unexplained miscarriage... She survived for a few days before complications with her small heart took her.. There were no donors... Sometimes I think the boys forget..." The hardest thing is forgetting, but I've found ways of distracting myself. For awhile I couldn't look at little girls or even babies without feeling the sting of remorse. I think it was the third time that really brought about my belief that I should stop producing children. It is another reason to despise Svaðilfari, he blamed me for it happening and he looks- well looked exactly like her.

Thor is quiet, as he pulls into the drive way. It's take ages but we are back where we had begun. He parks and lets the engine rest. I wait for his empty condolences, like everyone else. They "understand" and are "sorry," can't "imagine the agony of losing a child." Fuck them and fuck their words. I'm sick of it. Stop your yammering bullshit and go on with your lives. I don't need halfhearted sympathy.

He doesn't say a word though. He turns to me and takes forgiveness to a new level.

His lips meet mine for a moment. An action I don't register until the bolt of electricity sparks a fire in my veins. My blood burns, my head pounds, and I am truly at loss for any action. What is breathing? I am consumed in a fire of sorrow and desire until the parting of his gracious lips.

"You are a wonderful mother and only a fool would think otherwise. Your daughter is in a better place, somewhere she is happy and not living a life with health problems. You did your best for her and I'm sure he loves you like everyone else does. Do not fret over her, remember all of the better times. We can all learn to live after such sorrows and I doubt your sons have forgotten. They have learned the art of letting go. One day, you will. I can tell it ails you but know that I will always be here to help you." And with that he left the vehicle to collect wine. I simply sat back, stunned by his actions and words. How could someone be so... caring?


	18. An Epiphany

**Authors Note: So a while back my dear friend and future roommate and I were talking. She was astounded by the fact that I had never attempted to write a masturbation scene. Needless to say she challenge me to do it. Seeing as the next few chapters are going to be of the angsty variety and I feel like there is a heavy lack of smut in this story. I'm sorry dear readers. I'm trying to make it up to you. I know most of you have school, I myself have another month though I will be traveling to Europe soon. I will try to update as much as possible. Thanks for following this long story. **

****ooo

Going back to the party had little effect on my mentality. I was floating and nothing else mattered. Not even as my romantic interest was drooling over Thor's fiance or Odin swaying over my children while his tragic wife holds the both of them. The others no longer seem to matter as I go to my worried babes.

The rest of my evening at the Odinson party is spent with Frigga and my boys. When they ran off to get a slice of cake she approached me about the earlier incident. I gave an even shorter explanation to her to which she responded:

"I knew we had a bond. You poor darling. I'll cook you dinner Sunday and we can talk." And promptly hugged me. Both far too generous gestures for my taste. When it was late enough, I dismissed myself and the boys from the others festivities. It was a school night and a work night after all. I was greeted by drunken hugs from two of the warriors three, a slight lip turn from Jane, a pat on the shoulder from Thor's father, a motherly hug and kiss on the cheek from his mother, and finally from Thor I received a soft kiss on my palm and a white scrap of paper. He mouthed when no one was looking:

"We'll talk later." I glanced at it before I was pulled away. It was an address and phone number. It only took a second to conclude who it belonged to. Though I stored it away and walked out. Fandral had decided to go along with the adventure (Oh joy.) To be honest it would be better if he hadn't or did so when he was sober. The boys crawled towards the house while I strolled not too far behind. I don't know who will crash first; Fenrir or Fandral. And Fandral was the one who wanted to continue to party. Any other night I might have cared but not tonight.

I reach the door and open it, bellowing out a low command to get ready for bed before I'm pinned to the door frame.

"Good night boys." Fandral slurs, tracing my cheek with his soft thumb. I detest his touch at the moment but accept it none the less.

"Night Prince guy!" Comes the only response. I fake a smirk. Like I had said before, one child out of two isn't bad at all.

"Have fun at the rest of the party. Don't drink too much if you have to work early again." He will have nothing of it. His breath was like a cloud of wine hitting my face. If my gag reflex wasn't in check, I would have gagged in his face.

"Oh Loki, you're so beautiful and sexy. I want you so bad. I think I'm in love." Fandral confessed while trying to grab at my ass. Whatever romantic angle he was going for with this it had failed. His eyes were brimming with lust. He tries to salvage his sexual advances with a romantic kiss. One I accept halfheartedly but... feel... nothing? It is just a pair of lips across my own. There is nothing special, nothing that gets my heart beating. It was simply just a kiss, a one that made me feel like I was kissing my father, but just a kiss none the less. He doesn't feel a thing for he has already destroyed an entire vineyard with his drinking. I push him away silently.

"Go back to the party, Lord Byron. Try not to have too much fun." His brows knit together as I turn away and go inside, slamming the door before we may speak again. Thor has ruined me once again. _Sigh._ Another dinner party that has devastated me in another way. I should really give up on Odinson hosted shindigs. Seeking out Thor alone is a better option anyways.

Sleipnir sits on the stairs, dressed in his horse printed pajamas. He must have dressed fast and waited for me to shake off my boyfriend. I took off my shoes before perching near him. He has a way of letting me know when he has something to say by finding the fastest and easiest way to grab my attention.

"I hate Fandral." I have heard many critique on my lovers from him but this was the most bitter. I raise one eyebrow.

"Why? Did he say something mean to you?" He shakes his head.

"No. He was mean to you. The way he looks at Thor's girlfriend in front of you and talked to her when you were away makes me angry."

"What did he say?"

"He was talking about how prettier she was than you and how Thor was a lucky guy for having her. But when he talked to his friends he was really nice to you. He said things like you were the one or something. Thor's mom wouldn't let me listen in when she caught me. I hate him though." It takes a moment to sink in. My stomach churns, so this is what people have been warning me about. Fandral is a manwhore. The sex, the compliments, gawks- they were all to get close while looking out for others. What a petty fellow. I thoroughly regret getting to know him for bland sex and false promises.

I wrap an arm around his shoulder and he rests his head on me. It is at this moment that I know he loves me like he did before his beloved father and I's fall out.

"Thank you for telling me." I mouth into those messy black locks. He smells sweet, full of youth and concern.

"Don't go out with him again, please."

"I won't." His shoulders slump in relief. I nuzzle him once more, like a mare with her foal, before breaking away for bed. We're all tired and it doesn't take long for both of the boys to fall asleep after I have tucked them in. I throw myself into my room, moving the note out of my pocket before liberating my tired frame from the heavy burden of clothing. Once I hit the bed it was lights out.

ooo

I dream of long haired Thor looking distraught as he holds what could only be a drinking horn. His electric eyes are fixed on the ground while he smells of hard liquor. I dare to reach out and touch his shoulder. He jumps and turns to strike but lightens up only slightly.

"I did not expect you to be awake this hour." Even when he whispers he is still loud. His huge palm brushes my cheek for only a moment before falling flatly to his side. Underneath the the burn of hard alcohol, he has an odd scent of freshly cut timber and spilled blood, He looks away, whimpering like a kicked puppy. I try to speak, to calm him but nothing comes out. My mouth seemingly refuses to move. Instead I touch his bearded face, caressing the prickles. Fat tears begin to form in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He starts before pouring his heart out. He is worried about odd things; being the future king, marriage, something about my punishment, and other things that don't make sense. Dream Thor is certainly manic. Love, throwing me off a rainbow, sex, and now tears. It is too much for me to withstand.

ooo

I wake up to rain hitting my window at full force. The summer has been filled with many storms or at least since I moved here. I slumped down into bed and glanced at the clock; 04:00. Great. I have three hours until I must be awake and I'm wide awake. Fantastic. I rub my temples and begin to think about my odd dream patterns. For some reason I remember an old coworker who had what she called "Rencarnie dreams" of her past life. She believed she was Anne Frank (though she sure as hell couldn't write in a damned diary, let alone ring up a cash register on her own.) She would have dreams where she couldn't speak but she watched scenes play out before her. What am I talking about? I'm not a Norse God. Maybe I'm just losing my mind?

With that out of the way anxiety begins to gnaw away at me. I was really going to talk to the man I thought I'd never find. Five years have passed and if he didn't remember me, I wouldn't blame him. I would have forgotten him too if it weren't for the lasting mark he left in my life.

Was Thor's relationship going to end? Why did he kiss me? I hope he still doesn't view me as a brother, though that was way too affectionate for brothers (I should know, I have two and I have never kissed one of them in any way.) Oh lord that kiss. It was spine chilling, astounding, the best thing to happen to me in years, and completely soul crushing. It sealed my growing obsession with the man. Like a new drug I craved nothing else and felt the pain of withdrawals. To have him around my home, to kiss on a daily basis, and even have him in my bed once more (with or without an erection,) was all I hoped for.

It was far too plausible now; he liked men and he had a faulty broad. But there was nothing to gain from being with me. A single parent of two with enough baggage to make anyone run within sight, not to mention we are partially related through his brother. I am an old hag compared to Jane. He wouldn't want someone like me but yet it was his lips that graced mine earlier.

I huff as another hour has passed by without me realizing it. The rain was still a relentless force that made me crave a shower. I scraped up enough energy to kill more time and make it to the bathroom. The yellow tub and tiles happily greeted me as I turned on the water, waiting for it to become bearable. I collected fresh towels before testing it. It wasn't bad. So I entered and pulled the curtain behind me. With each bead of water pounding against my nude skin came physical and mental relief.

The bathroom was an odd escape I had adopted over the years. When I was upset as a child I would the door and sit in the bathtub. Growing up it became a haven for sadness and self pleasure. In an all male household we adopted a system of territory with locks on the door. No one entered each others space for fear of the consequences, though our bedrooms were fair game at night. It was a habit I kept around even when I had my own place. Again with the anti-sex clause in my relationship rules also came (no pun intended) pleasuring ones self. Nothing is more scarring for a child than walking in on a parent in the throws of passion with themselves.

Heat pooled into my lower half at the realization of my lack of pleasureful time. Fandral was fine but fine wasn't really what I wanted. Pleasure is sometimes best when you provide it yourself. I push my back against the cool wall and pushed my wet hair back. The steam was invigorating, honestly it felt like hot breath on the back of my neck and against my ear lobe. I felt a shiver creep down my spine in response to the image forming before me. The mighty oaf wrapped his thick body around me like earlier. His delightfully prickly beard rubbing up against my exposed neck. He planted heavy kisses along the most sensitive parts. My blood lit up with the fire of desire for more touches.

"Loki," He purrs while I lean against his thick form. He's strong enough to hold me up and even dares to nip at my ear. "I want you." I let out a moan at his confession. Oh god I want you too. His mighty hands rake over my chest and stomach. One thumbs a perky nipple while the other goes to the scar running down my belly. He doesn't judge it my ugly marks, even as it pulses from the sudden change from cold to hot. He gently follows it down to a strip of well trimmed public hair. He traces it, chuckling to himself before gripping my hardening member.

I must look pitifully small in his large hands but he growls in approval. I melt as his rough thumb traces the head while nipping at my neck. He grips the base with the other and slowly works it, tracing the veins. With his work he is turning me into putty.

"Oh god!" I hiss. The water hides the roughness of his palms and acts as an extra lubricant. He squeezes lightly enough not to hurt and begins to move. His strokes are relentless, the kind only a real man would give. He works with both hands, stroking in one and massaging my balls in the other. Oh god this feels amazing. All I can do is mewl nonsensical words while I buck into his hand. I'm running out of air in this hot confined space.

"You love this don't you," He groans into my ear. "Do you touch yourself to the thought of me and my hands working you over and over? My hard cock splitting you in half?" His hand dips to the spot behind my balls, gently massaging my entrance with one finger. "Do you finger yourself to the thought of me? I'm going to marry a lovely girl, you naughty little boy." I grind my teeth as a digit is inserted inside me. It burns but feels so good. He continues on with his torturous foul mouth. "Such a naughty boy but I love it."

I am bad. I am awful for wanting this but it is mind blowing. The fingering and the stroking mixed with the love bites, oh I'm in heaven. I love this. I love him.

"T-Thor!" I cry as a familiar heat coils in my stomach. It churns, I am getting closer to the edge. Thor grunts in response to his name, while crooking his finger to skim that magic spot that makes my toes curl in response.

"Say my name." His tongue traces my ear lobe. I can't- It's too much to handle. Hot tears form in my eyes.

"U-Uh Thor! Oh Thor! Thor!"

I black out. For a moment I'm floating in the aftermath of a wonderful orgasm. I slump against him, deflated by everything that had occurred but strong arms no longer prop me up. I go tumbling to the bottom of the tub. Fuck. Ow. Not good. My sore ass doesn't take that well. I look down to find my hand coated in cum and my cock deflating. Not even in my fantasies could I have my way or even make Thor stay.

ooo

Disappointment builds up when I finally make it back to where I started. I spent about twenty minutes fondling myself and twenty-five wallowing in self pity. This would feel the most pain when I had to pay my bills. I think I used up all the water in Norway but it relaxed me (in more than one way.) Enough so that when I crawl back into bed, it is only a mere moment before I find myself in a dreamless sleep.

ooo

Life falls back into the same pattern as before; breakfast, school, work, lunch. However just as Astrid, who is oddly pleasant (she must have gotten a new cat or sweater to match her old one,) tells me to go have an hour to myself, my phone buzzes. It's Fandral.

_Can't com out 2 lunch. Sck. Srry. _

For a poet, he certainly has a way with words. He has clearly expressed how hungover and miserable he is. I tut at the message before going into the employee break room. So I had no lunch date or lunch. No big deal. There was a dinosaur computer in the small room and no one around. When I made a habit of going hungry, I always thought of a moment with a book was feeding my mind. It's a rather clever way of focusing on something else besides your empty stomach and if someone has asked if you had eaten, you're not lying when you say yes.

But I digress, I assume they must have used in the library before updating. It takes a moment for the internet to load and even more for me to go to a search engine. When the screen flashes to google I type in the name of the man I had often searched when I had free access to the internet but this time I had a last name. There were several things that popped up having to do with a "Balder Odinson." Most of it was mythology but the first non-Norse site was a facebook account.

Within a five minute loading screen came the image of the man I had been looking for all these years posing with a replica of himself, which can only be his twin brother. He looks the same; red flaming hair, wild fire eyes, and the tattoo beckoning ones attention. His profile is open to anyone so I scan through a few photos. Most are of him and his twin or him and a group of burly men. He looked relatively happy and apparently was single. Good for him. As I manage to make it back to the previous screen with all of his information I notice he has three brothers labeled and the last one catches my eye.

One mouse click away and at snail speed I reach Thor Odinson's page. I'm greeted by his shirtless self though his abs are blocked by his harpies hands as his profile picture. It must be some vacation photo since it looks like it was taken on a tropical beach. At least he appears happy. Oddly enough his page is private. I have an old account somewhere but upon further inspection his basic information isn't hidden- and oh... I have discovered the holy grail...

_Thor Odinson is in a relationship with Jane Foster and it's complicated_


End file.
